Ending Therapy, I Don't Know What To Make Of His Comment

[Whirlwind]

I have posted about my therapist already and I've made the tough decision to end my sessions.

I told him a few weeks ago and we have been talking about my future lately and in the middle of it all, he mentions that I need to start trauma therapy when my life stabilizes.

START?!

I was speechless, apparently he thinks my life has been too unsteady and unsafe and I need to get that in order first. Its been 4 yrs with him and he has never once said this to me until my leaving now.

I cannot say my time with him has been a waste but now this would explain my feeling that I have been failing therapy and that I don't understand why I am learning all of these basic PTSD "skills" outside of therapy.

I don't want to walk away from another "relationship" feeling bad or feeling like I've been taken advantage of and yet despite my best attempts to communicate here I am again. I liked him and now ...I'm not sure what I feel other than uneasy. Maybe a chump? He has cost me $$.

I hate this, I hate feeling like things are untrue or were wrong or that I don't know where I stood/stand. I really don't get it, and now I feel like my relationship with him is tarnished and I wish it wouldn't have ended like this.

I hate that my instincts are usually right and that I don't listen to them. And I wish I didn't have to listen it seems they are usually screaming warnings and not much more.

Thanks for listening, Whirlwind

fyi - I am taking a group ptsd class and led by another therapist who I like and may be a T for the future.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think maybe there has been some miscommunication. He has been trying to stabilize you so that you can start trauma therapy, and you were under the assumption that you were already IN trauma therapy. Is this correct?

 

[Whirlwind]

Yes, I went in for one thing (4 yrs ago) 2 yrs ago he diagnosed me.

 

[Intrepid]

I've been through a lot of therapists, and they all cost money. It's frustrating. Competency seems to be hard to find. When my real improvement happened it happened after I told a therapist off, found a new one, and pretty much took charge.

Oh, and my current therapist really works hard to avoid miscommunications. I wish you luck with the group and possible new therapist. That's cool you get to check him/her out in a group therapy before going in one on one.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Is your T a PhD?

 

[radicalgratitude]

Your frustration sounds familiar....

I was in therapy for a few years before I started trauma therapy for the same reasons. Personally, I was never stable enough to do trauma therapy in an outpatient setting until this year (10 years after I began therapy). It was always done through either a day program or a partial hospitalization program. That's what it came to for me. Yes, therapy is expensive. Yes, day programs are even more expensive. But without their intensity I never would have been able to do trauma therapy. I simply couldn't do it in an outpatient setting. This is why my therapy has taken 10 years so far. If I could have afforded to do more than two day programs in my life, I am sure I would have been finished with therapy a lot sooner. (In between programs, I did continue outpatient therapy to cope with PTSD symptoms, but that was about all we could do.)

I hope you don't have the same kind of difficulties as me where you cannot process trauma in an outpatient setting, but if you do, it is worth the money to do a day program if that is what works. Save for it like you would save for a car or a home repair.

 

[Whirlwind]

and they all cost money. It's frustrating.

Thanks, the $ is painful....

That's cool you get to check him/her out in a group therapy before going in one on one

Yes, I think so too, and the class has been really good so far.

I was never stable enough to do trauma therapy in an outpatient setting until this year (10 years after I began therapy).

Thanks for sharing.

I hope you don't have the same kind of difficulties as me where you cannot process trauma in an outpatient setting

I honestly don't know, I'm not sure exactly what my unstable even means. I don't have good support, etc. but I can't really force that part (and I am working on it)

Thanks, Whirlwind

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'll ask again, is your therapist a PhD?

 

[Whirlwind]

I'll ask again, is your therapist a PhD?

I missed your question, Yes, why?

 

[Lost214]

Hi whirlwind
What about asking him to elaborate and clarify what he meant? 4 years is a long time vested with a therapist. I tend to take things the wrong way and have to have stuff verified often. Idk what type of therapy you've had or if you've had any trauma therapy but be proud of how far you've come. No timeline. To me ptsd waxes and wanes. I'll take a few steps forward then a hundred back. I'll start emdr and get so far and can't do it. Don't know if I ever will at the moment. I keep looking for the magic cure, until I find it I'm just doing the best I can day to day, sometimes minute to minute. That's about all any of us can do. Anyway think about the clarification.

 

[radicalgratitude]

Hmm...instability varies from person to person. For me it meant when I tried to process the trauma it made everything else in my life fall apart. I couldn't work, eat, sleep, have a social life, etc. So the majority of the time I just didn't process the trauma. I just didn't go there. Have you ever seen the film Reign Over Me? I was like the main character Charlie who would get lost in his video games and music...only I got lost in being a workaholic. I kept busy so I didn't have to think or feel anything...at least some of the time.

For others, instability could be a variety of poor coping skills.

Suicidal ideation is a very common thing in PTSD, so he may also consider that instability if you are going through that.

 

[radicalgratitude]

What about asking him to elaborate and clarify what he meant?

I like this idea!