English Language, You Totally Missed The Boat On Love...

[Deleted member 1860]

This thread is a take off on my "Love is Dangerous" thread in which @FridayJones posted a reply stating that there are a number of different types of love and they aren't linear as many of us are lead to believe.

I found an article which discusses the 6 types of love according to the Ancient Greeks. I'll post the link and briefly mention each type.

http://www.yesmagazine.org/happines...ove-and-why-knowing-them-can-change-your-life

6 Types of Love....
1) Eros, or sexual passion
2) Philia, or deep friendship
3) Ludus, or playful love
4) Agape, or love for everyone
5) Pragma, or longstanding love
6) Philautia, or love of the self

I do think that the English language does us all a disservice by lumping all types of love together by using a single word for a concept that has many different types of expression.

I think that for me, personally, it really does help to differentiate the different types of love. In my mind, "love" is linear in that it progresses from one type to another, but this isn't really the case as there are different types of love. The linear model of love somehow insinuates that there are "lesser" types of love and "greater" types of love. (I'm sure we've all heard movie lines about "great love", right?)

It doesn't help that I grew up in a household where "love" wasn't actually "love" but learned to think that in order to feel love I had to cave to manipulation and having my personal life held against me for the gain of others, or simply for a good laugh. I am finally away from the person who taught me about love in the wrong kind of way, so I know it is going to take awhile for me to "unlearn" all of this misinformation. At least I am past the point of buying into the manipulation tactics in order to feel love from my mother. (This was a HUGE step. I'm still adjusting to it so I'm not sure if I'm quite ready for the next step, but I'm willing to start exploring it.)

It really was a battle when I was young.....everyone wants to feel loved, but in a home like that, its like you have to sell your soul in order to fulfill a BASIC human need. And of course, when you're a kid, you don't know any better, you just know you'll do anything in order to feel loved. You end up blaming yourself. "I'd be loved if I wasn't a bad child." You end up thinking there is something wrong with you. "If I was perfect, I'd be loved."

I think that for right now I need to focus on the self love aspect and accepting that what I learned was "love" was not love at all. I think its important to build this foundation in my mind so that I can work toward achieving the other types of love over time.

This thread has really spiked my anxiety. Well, my anxiety was already a bit high this morning, but writing about love hasn't helped matters! One of the major things I am going to work on in terms of self-love is listening to my body and what it needs, and not constantly feeling like I *should* be pushing myself forward (at all costs) when the best thing may be to rest instead. I am really bad about this at times, even my doctor says so!

So any thoughts or feedback is welcome. I'd just like to know other people's take on this concept of diversified love.

 

[scout86]

Greek gets it better, for sure. There are people here who speak an assortment of languages, it would be interesting to know how many of them do better than English.

I pretty much agree with you. "Love" is a 4 letter word.

accepting that what I learned was "love"

I think that, right there, is an important concept.

 

[Nam]

I don't have anything to say really...Solara, you said it all. I'm missing 3, 4, and many times 6. And 1 doesn't come often enough.

All of it is a mind f*ck. If you don't have love, you want it, if you have it, you don't think you deserve it or you'll stress that you'll ruin it somehow. And if you're required to love and don't really know how, how the hell are we supposed to know? But, I have to say, it's a pursuit worth doing. It's worth the vulnerability, the heartache, the anger, and even betrayal.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Well I am in agreement with Nam you have said it all for me as well :hug:

 

[darrenS]

i had been through similar experiences , i had never seen what love truly is and felt it was a foreign concept that belonged elsewhere. Luckily through my life i was able to challenge myself and develop true friendships that involved a form of love , relationships hmmm well i feel love and know what love is in them , but it still scares the hell out of me - i try not to complicate things anymore , i have learnt i am capable of giving and receiving love in may forms and am just happy to be able to do that and at the same time keep a handle on the vulnerabilities that arise

 

[scout86]

One of the most frightening experiences I've had, in therapy, was one day when my T got going on the subject of "shame based people". I wanted to get him to quit, because I didn't like where I thought he was going with it. I asked him "So, what do you do with people like that?" He gave me this "look" and said, :"You LOVE them!' I almost ran out of the room. I told him later that it had been YEARS since a human had scared me that bad. I was SURE something bad was about to happen, but had no idea what. Was watching him for his next move and measuring the distance to the door at the same time. That moment was one of those where time slowed down and expanded into forever. He said he could tell that he'd hit a nerve, but didn't know it was THAT kind of nerve. Weird.

 

[Sammyiam]

What's one again ?
I think I have forgotten

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Solara. You may like to read "Mother Tongue" by Amy Tan. It is a short essay and available online.