Ever Had A Therapist Triggered By What You Need To Talk About?

[Anarchy]

It's probably worth asking your T about this in a direct way, to see what their thoughts are.

There are different schools of thought.

Apart from schools that are into catharsis (IMO that's another way of saying they're into traumatising you),

treatment tends not to go straight for the trauma - it's too dangerous.
So, even exposure techniques like EMDR, use the eye movement as a way to ground the person and keep them in the present, rather than face the full danger of a trauma memory. And you need to be stable and with good grounding skills before you start to go near the trauma memories.

Other schools of thought, (eg cognitive and behavioural) tend to teach methods of coping with the symptoms, as well as introducing a degree of exposure, to de-sensitize the triggers.

From a cognitive and neurological point of view - all that keeping going over a trauma memory does is give you practice for being able to remember it more clearly.


You might be pleasantly surprised at what your T's answer is.

 

[Dana1010]

It's probably worth asking your T about this in a direct way, to see what their thoughts are.

I have confronted her about it at least once, if my memory serves me, perhaps twice. She acts as if she doesn't know what I'm talking about. She said, "I have no triggers and we can talk about whatever you want." But then it comes up, and the bobbing and weaving commences. Or she'll pick up some sterile, innocuous thread and run with it, while the real painful stuff goes untouched. And then she'll change the subject at the earliest opportunity. It's not like she's saying, "We can't talk about this," but I can tell she's triggered and avoiding it through body language, facial expressions, and the aforementioned.

treatment tends not to go straight for the trauma - it's too dangerous.

This is definitely not what's going on here. She's not pacing herself to avoid retraumatizing-she's acting as if there is nothing traumatic to discuss in the first place. I asked her, "Don't you have anything to ask about that?" and she said, "Not really." And trust me, if you knew what the subject was, you would LAUGH at her answer.

Personally, the cathartic route is the only thing that ever helps me feel better. I wouldn't be so quick to buy their lines about "grounding and coping skills" which are likely to be only about weaseling out of hearing about stuff that THEY can't handle hearing about. It already freaking HAPPENED to me, didn't it? It's not like talking about it is going to that much damage after the fact.

 

[Sandstone]

I would grab any grounding and coping that was offered. Talking about it can do enormous harm. In my case it has led to three suicide attempts.

I understand why you feel the imperative to talk, it is something that I am drawn to, but once I start I find that I am re-exposing myself to too much pain. I was plain surprised when my latest T said that it wasn't safe to carry on, but in retrospect I think she was right.

When you have been able to follow a cathartic route, how long has the improvement lasted?

 

[joeylittle]

It's not like she's saying, "We can't talk about this," but I can tell she's triggered and avoiding it through body language, facial expressions, and the aforementioned.

The very next time you have an example of this right in front of you, I think you should open up the conversation again.

It sounds like one of three things may be happening. Either she is utterly unaware of her own subconscious avoidance, and you probably need a new shrink; or, she thinks she's doing something productive, but whatever it is, it's really not landing on you properly, and it would be worth digging in and sorting it out; or, she's lying about not being triggered. But whichever it is, you don't have anything to lose from getting as specific with her as you possibly can.

How you and she communicate is the center of the therapeutic alliance, and from what you are describing, right now there isn't a very good one.

 

[Dana1010]

Talking about it can do enormous harm.

I agree that excavating repressed memories for the heck of it can overload your brain with too much too soon. But--and I've said this in other posts--if you're already having intrusive thoughts about something, there's pretty much no use in tap dancing around it anymore. It's popping into your head because it wants to be processed.

When you have been able to follow a cathartic route, how long has the improvement lasted?

On the rare occasions a therapist has actually got down to business and talked about what's bothering me? The improvement in that particular memory or issue has been pretty much permanent.

@joeylittle, my estimate is that it's 40% this:

she is utterly unaware of her own subconscious avoidance

60% this:

she's lying

and 0% this:

she thinks she's doing something productive

The very next time you have an example of this right in front of you, I think you should open up the conversation again.

I think so too, but I'm a little worried about putting her on the defensive and getting the same line of bull I got last time.

How you and she communicate is the center of the therapeutic alliance, and from what you are describing, right now there isn't a very good one.

You're right about that. I'm getting madder and madder the more I think about it. How many people is she screwing over because she can't talk about this? Also, even if I can get her to come clean, do I really want my therapy to turn into a slog through her triggers and issues? How long is it going to take to get this bundle of nerves to a place where she can competently treat me?

 

[joeylittle]

I'm a little worried about putting her on the defensive and getting the same line of bull I got last time.

I don't think you have anything to lose - and it's always easier to talk about behavior in the moment that it happens. If she goes on the defensive, she's not at all a good therapist, and definitely not the right one for you, sounds like. It would be an incredibly frustrating situation.

How many people is she screwing over because she can't talk about this?

Doesn't matter. Maybe the rest of them are just fine. It's a distraction to try and make this global. Just keep it about you.

 

[Brenton]

So I went back to seeing the therapist that my measly insurance will cover, not my first choice, only g...

I made my therapist cry, like really cry. But, it was because she was truly sad for me, not because it triggered her.

 

[Joseph King]

So I went back to seeing the therapist that my measly insurance will cover, not my first choice, only g...

Hi Dana1010,
I have had similar experiences and started to cry, unable to finish my sentences. My therapists gave me 3 options.
1. Write down your experiences and rate them
2. Record yourself and listen, then rate
3. CBT with a therapist. I couldn't do #3.
The writing has worked best for me. I keep a journal of my daily thoughts, appetite, mood, etc.
I hope this helps you,
Joseph :)

 

[anonymous]

Did you type about this anonymously recently?

 

[Dana1010]

Did you type about this anonymously recently?

No. I think it might be not okay to cross pollinate between anonymous and regular forums without OP's permission, FYI. Just saying.

 

[joeylittle]

The anonymous forum is something people use by choice. A member can choose to break their own anonymity.

Asking them directly isn't against the rules, but it doesn't have a point, either - except to ask someone to out themselves or lie.

Back to the topic.