Ever Think Or Feel Others Can See Right Through Your Clothes

[2notbedefeated]

I wanted to know if anyone else has ever had any of the experiences below. I have no control over when or where they come.

They are very hard experiences to tolerate, and I was curious if others had them, because it is a very isolating, creepy feeling and experience. Unfortunately that are very common "states" for me.

Many times I will walk into a room full of people and swear that they can see through my clothes and think I’m a filthy, nasty, dirty person. It is a very creepy feeling and one of the most horrible, scary feelings ever.

Sometimes I have these horrible feelings of intense shame and disgust for my self. I feel completely empty and void of any life inside me other than "knowing" I am different and seperate from everyone else during these times.

I feel as if guilt has come over me and wants to suffocate me. I have many specific experiences that I can recall feeling this was. I am sill bothered by these experiences.

I am sure most of these feelings are the result of being sexually abused, but I can’t seem to get ride of the horrible feelings that come over me.

I find myself feeling like I am encapsulated in a bubble which separates me from everyone else around me. It is extremely hard to endure the times I feel like this.

 

[sidekick]

I can relate some, for me when my PTSD is at its worse I feel like when someone looks at me they can tell everything about me and my past. That they wouldn't want anything to do with me, too many problems, too much baggage ect. I think a lot of that for me though was my self confidence. Not all of it but a good chunk of it.

 

[gdf]

I have to echo sidekick...I too, especially in the last two years, have felt this same shame. It seemed like talking about what happened to me as a child to my T, and then having him never discuss it with me, made me feel like every embarrassing and shameful moment of my abuse was plastered on public bill boards for everyone to see. The longer it went without processing it the worse it felt. It is like being stripped naked and displayed in public as punishment despite the logic that no one else may know or care what happened. Creepy how we feel that shame despite the fact that it is not our fault.

I was trying and trying to identify what could possibly be a similar feeling and I thought back to the days of highschool. It seemed that the janitors removed the locks from the bathroom stalls because kids would crawl under the doors leaving the stalls locked so no one could get in to use them. When you went to the bathroom there was no way to lock the door and inevitably at some point in time someone barged in while you were sitting there. Even though you were sitting there minding your own business and the offending person barged in without even knocking or looking to see if feet were visible it always left you feeling violated and embarrassed. It wasn't your fault but it still left you feeling ashamed of being caught in that intimate and private moment even though you are no way in the wrong.

Go figure.

 

[LikeCharlotte]

I get a feeling of being exposed and like something is going to touch me and make me uncomfortable. I get unreasonably angry if i think a man is looking at me and might be thinking something sexual or even complimentary. I hide. I cover myself with arms or pillows.

I feel like an alien around normal people. I feel like they know and will judge me. I am broken and i do not belong.

The important thing is that when I feel this way I get out of the situation. I am not like other people. Like it or not these feelings are what separate me from everyone else and I remind myself that although I cannot change what I've experienced it WILL get better and has been better. I am safe now. No one knows unless I tell them. I am not being judged. I have nothing to be afraid of. If I do not like the situation I am in I can leave or get help. I may always cover myself and get these feelings but they do not have to last. I can learn to cope with this. I do not have to continue to be hurt. I believe these feelings will go away or be manageable someday - for both of us. It will not be easy but it will end.

 

[Manic11]

I remember getting dressed up for my cousins wedding. I picked out the nicest outfit, had lost a few pounds beforehand, got my hair cut, dyed and styled, etc. I was looking great. I knew I did... I looked in the mirror and for the first time in a long time, I thought I looked pretty. But that "pretty" feeling felt so fake. It felt like I was going to walk into a room and everyone was going to know that I'm not as 'put together' as I look, I thought everyone was going to know that I didn't deserve to wear these nice clothes, etc.
The hardest part was fighting that and standing up to myself. Listen to my gut instead of my head. Telling myself that I am aloud to wear these clothes, I do look pretty and I do deserve to feel pretty.

Its not easy...not at all. But usually, the best things in the world are the hardest to get. Once you get them though, it is worth it.

Manic