Everyone wants me to just "forget It".

[HomelessJoe]

"One" of my Demons just passed away. I have convinced myself that He was the last one. So, now they are all dead. My family-or some of it- knows about "this" Demon. Now that he is dead, they think that I should just "move on" and "let it go". I don't understand why I can't. In the past I just forgot it all, then it came back in a wave. Then I remembered more, with even more details. Are they right? Now that He is gone - should the thoughts and memories also just fade away? I'm kind of lost and not sure what I feel - or should feel... Thoughts? Advice?

Once they are gone your safe but you can't forget. The memory can make you feel weak. But it makes.you strong. When you have to live life the way everyone else does while carrying that memory. Every smile is strength. Remember that your stronger than the people who have never held that memory. Don't let it make you feel weak. Let it make you stronger.

 

[FMCA]

The body keeps the score is a great book. It helped me a lot. I have a neighbour who has been lovely but tells me sitting round doing nothing will make me more depressed. I’ve tried to explain the roller coaster effect but some people think it’s a case of pulling your socks up and things can be fixed by doing things. They don’t understand it’s the depression and the trauma that brings things to a halt x

 

[FMCA]

Maybe a good direction or response to the people when they say just get over it is to say to them they wouldn’t understand that’s why they have mental health nurses, psychologists and psychiatrists highly trained in their field.

 

[katz]

I wish they were right because that would be incredibly helpful. In my case mine died and all my symptoms that were safely contained in a vault somewhere for almost 20 years, came screaming back to life.

Just like should isn’t the way we ought to feel when we say it, neither should it be when they say it. People who want you to move on, either hate that it haunts you and think telling you to make it go away solves it or they just never understood in the first place. It’s why many of us don’t share much with outsiders.

I hope you have a therapist or another way to process all of this.

Charbella, you mentioned a couple of things in your response that caught me.

I also forgot my memories for over a decade! Then they came back in a wave. After destroying my marriage, I had to bury them again. I started to "deal" with the memories and feelings a few years after that as they came back very slowly. I even went so far as to tell one of my secrets. Now, that did not go well! Everyone yelled and blamed me. It was like getting traumatized all over again. So... poof! All the memories disappeared again!

It took many, many years for the memories to start coming back. Since I'm so much older now, it makes it much easier to handle them. I also know now that I will have to live with these memories forever. I have also realized that I will have to deal with them alone. I am remarried now, but unfortunately, he will never be able to handle them either. So, I just keep them in. I am working with a new T, but trust in anyone is nonexistent now, and I think it will always be this way. I don't think I will ever find my "safe place" to feel.

I do have one friend from grade school who knows a lot more than anyone else - and she still loves me- wow! I can reach out to her when I need someone, and she can reach to me (she has her own "demons" too).

Because I had so many people hurt me, and so many times, with memories for all of them, I don't truly trust anyone.

That's why it was so sad to hear my brother tell me 'Maybe now that "he" is gone, you can move on'. Oh, if it was so easy!

 

[ISupportHer]

Admittedly I did not read every response. This kind of hit a nerve for me, I am a supporter, just checking in after joining 16 years ago. We had SO many discussions about this. I think people just don't know what they don't know. And some people just aren't able to see things outside their own narrow focus.

I was that way back then. But I searched for answers and guidance from so many places, including here. I see now how and why saying something like "get over it" is harmful.

Sounds weird but sometimes (LOL, sometimes) I am almost glad that I went through the hard times. I am a better person for it. Like how a fractured bone heals and is stronger.

For those who get "move on", I can't tell you how to feel or what to do but perhaps those who say it and pity you are actually the ones who should be pitied. I hope you all can be strong and heal in whatever way you need to. Even removing harmful people from your life, when needed.

ISH

 

[katz]

Maybe a good direction or response to the people when they say just get over it is to say to them they wouldn’t understand that’s why they have mental health nurses, psychologists and psychiatrists highly trained in their field.

Isn't funny that the family member that told me this is in the career of therapy ! LOL (scarry- I know, right?)