Evil Day At Work

[OKRADLAK]

TOday was just barbaric. It was no anyone but my mind.

I was trying so hard to not cry all day, to do my job, and my face kept contorting, so I kept trying to do that f-ing "Half smile" from DBT.

That was not working so I kept looking down

Then we had a conference and I tried to make eye contact with the speaker and it was like knives slicing me. I had to keep looking away.

I was CRUMBLING inside!

This is rare for me because I do not go around people but I want to stick out this job if for nothing more than to see how long it takes till I totally unravel.

I was in the lunch room and the nice man named "Pete" came in. He is really nice to everyone.

I was in the corner pretending to read and he just sat there eating his lunch. He did not say anything which he usually chatters away. He just sat there and it was such a comfort, just because I know he is safe.

I was kinda of crying but he had his back to me so he did not see me.

When I got up to leave, he looked at me to see if I was OK, and I just said,

"Hi. How are you? That was a boring conference wasn't it?"

He looked like he knew I had been crying.

Every day I am going to quit. One of these days I will. Just now it keeps me from self harm to just be there.

When I quit and never see him or them again, I will send him a letter and tell him how much it matters that he is kind to everyone, especially the ones like me who no one gives a sh*t about.

It can be the difference between life and death.

Most everyone else will not even say Hi because I am like the girl from the Breakfast club :(

 

[doglover]

I'm sorry you had such a wretched day. I'm proud of you for sticking it out. I got yelled at a lot today at work myself. My body is still processing everything. Not trying to steal the spotlight, just want you to know I understand how it felt to have a crappy work day today.

((((((OKRA))))))

 

[The Albatross]

Every day I am going to quit. One of these days I will. Just now it keeps me from self harm to just be there.

Sounds like you're trying to take a swing at your own pitch. Initially this was maybe enough... but now you don't want to be the girl from the breakfast club and you're romanticizing your exit. Why are you setting yourself up? Is self sabotaging not self harm?

Congratulations on moving past the stress enough to speak to the person at lunch. But... honey. Reduce the stress and anxiety by using stress techniques. It only takes a few minutes and it helps a LOT. You know I care a lot about you... You got this job, you're coping... you had one really bad day. Don't let the anxiety win.

 

[TigerPride]

I'm sorry you had such a bad day. :(

I'm glad the kind "lunch room" man provided some type of comfort to your day, but you don't have to wait till your able to quit to let him know he is appreciated. Just drop a small note off at his desk or whenever saying " Thanks for always being so kind". I'm sure it would make both of your days.

It does make for a very long painful day when your not with the "in crowd". Hang in there Okradlak, I hope tomorrow is much better for you. :)

 

[jokuzzi]

There must have been something in the air today...my day started with crying uncontrolably in my supervisors office...and I did nothing wrong!!! It seems at every workplace there needs to be a villian and right now, it's my turn. I want to start to start looking for another job, but I'm totally burned out. Went to the doctors yesturday and she urged me to start taking my valium more often. I'm having major anxiety attacks where my arm is twitching. Don't know how much more I can take.

I'm so sorry your going through a hard time too. If I find a fix, I'll let you know.

 

[OKRADLAK]

I'm glad the kind "lunch room" man provided some type of comfort to your day, but you don't have to wait till your able to quit to let him know he is appreciated. Just drop a small note off at his desk or whenever saying " Thanks for always being so kind". I'm sure it would make both of your days.

This is a very good idea, TIger. In fact, I think I will do this. Thank you!:)

 

[TigerPride]

your welcome:)

how was your day today?

 

[maddog]

How ironic, yesterday was the first even remotely functional day I've had in a couple of weeks, quite in contrast to everyone else's bad one it would seem.

Nice, friendly, accepting people make such an enormous difference in the workplace, the ones who are just predictably nice to everyone, happy, cheerful and reassuring in that discreet, noninvasive way. We all need at least one of them around us I think. And I would thoroughly recommend saying a quick quiet thanks, or dropping him a note if it's easier. I think people always like rceiving positive feedback, and sadly we often overlook the need to do this. We're all very quick at pointing out the negatives, and sometimes just forget to do likewise for those who make life that little bit better, just because.

Here's to a better day for everyone today.

Maddog

 

[Sqweak]

Oh no, I'm so sorry Okradlak. But you know you could have burst at the seams at any moment but you didn't. You stuck with it until the end of the day and I know that must have been really difficult but you did it and that's fantastic!

I hope your day was a lot better today <3

 

[LilacFaerie]

Oh honey, do I know what you mean and how you're feeling. :( No coincidence I found this thread just now - I think I've had the worst day I've ever had in the 8 years I've worked at my office. A lot of stressors to deal with - not the least of which I accompanied my husb to the therapist for the first time during his treatment, and heard the therapist tell me that I will never get the "old" man back. Now, I've heard my husb say this, *I've* said it to other people, but it never sounded so real as it did yesterday.

This thought stayed with me all through office hours today.Then......

I'm short a secretary.
We had a lot of problem patients today.
The phone was ringing off the hook.
I don't think I was able to go to the loo until I left for the day.
For an organized person, I had papers strewn all over my desk.
An insurance rep showed up today for an appt I didn't have scheduled until NEXT Friday.
Two appts I'd made with the carpet cleaner and furniture dealer never showed at all.
I entered the billing......all with the wrong date. Had to re-do.
Gave the wrong chart to the doctor for a consult - he brought it back out and made me feel like an ass.
Had no time for any of this as I had to accompany my husb to the VA to see if that lump he has means cancer.

Get to the VA for a 2:30, didn't leave until 5pm or later. Hadn't eaten yet. Dinner? What's that?

*sigh*

Right now I'm self medicating with a bottle of wine and sitting here chatting with you lovely people, the only ones who truly understand the stress that a caretaker carries. I couldn't focus on ANYthing today except the bad stuff.

I ended up melting down in the arms of a staff nurse who told me I had to pull it together for my husb. He didn't need to see me like that, she said, but I ask you - then who takes care of ME???

I guess that's why I'm here.

OKRA, I get you. Completely.

Cheers.