Exhausted Carer - I'm At A Loss...

[HarleyQuinn]

It is 10:30am and my husband is upstairs still asleep. I'm so physically and emotionally tired of this.
I just don't know what to do or how to help. I believe my husband is suffering from PTSD from his service in the Special Forces and I believe that it is being exasperated by his job as well.
He avoids work constantly and plays Call of Duty ALL night. He self medicates with wine and beer. He has sleeping issues and chronic back pain.

We have been together for 11 years and I guess I have seen symptoms since day one, but they were never this chronic and I never felt like they were affecting our daily living. We have two young children (4yo and 14mo) and I am exhausted. I’m a stay-at-home mom and I feel like I have 3 children to take care of. I am beginning to resent my husband and I don’t know what to do.

There is so much more to this, I could fill 10 pages with everything that has been going on this past year. I hope I can find a way to support him and if not, I hope I can find a way to support myself.

 

[Iron_Angel]

HarleyQuinn, welcome to the forum, there is a lot of support and help here, for both of you. It sounds like some professional help is needed to diagnose and then start treating his symptoms. That probably has to begin with a frank discussion between the two of you that something has gone off the rails and needs to be put back on.

I would recommend reading a LOT here before you talk to him about it so that you have a good handle on this PTSD monster we're all living with, and can encourage him that dealing with it will help. For the sake of your children you DO need to take care of yourself. He is probably not enjoying life much either right now.

There IS light at the end of the tunnel and it is not always another train! Sending you a big hug.

 

[Elaine]

HarleyQuinn,

Just came across your post and wanted to tell you that you are in my prayers tonight. I won't try to offer advice; I hope just being reminded that there are people who care and understand will help a tiny bit.

Do your best to take care of YOURSELF, Dear Girl. It can't be easy, but your husband does need you, and your babies need you, too. And most importantly, you deserve it.

Add my hug to Iron_Angel's. With enough people hugging you, you will be completely surrounded by support :-)

Elaine

 

[Jawn]

Please read the articles about PTSD and it will help you to understand what is going on with him. The articles for Supporters/Carers would be helpful for you too. You will find a lot of good info and support on this site. Oh, I also recommend the PTSD Relationship book and the PTSD Source book. They contain a lot of good information about PTSD and relationships with someone with PTSD.

Jawn

 

[Vee Lagrome]

I sincerely hope that your husband will be open to getting a formal diagnosis so that he can start getting some help for his symptoms. I don't know you or your husband, but I can say that whenever my husband has approached me, in love of course, to tell me that he thinks my behavior is a problem and that I need to see a therapist, it was incredibly hurtful and made me depressed and angry at the same time because I took that as "You're crazy and I don't love you anymore", and that's of course because I was up to my eyeballs in denial about my problems.

I would say that after you do your research, you should also try to get a few examples of the problematic behavior (it sounds like you have enough to fill a book), and when you present it to him, frame it in such a way that it worries you because it shows you that he's hurting or going through something and you want him to have professional support in addition to your support. It can be tricky to frame it just right since he might become very defensive, but I think that if you can show him some of the reading materials and how this relates to him, maybe he will be open to seeing a therapist.

That's just my 2 cents thrown in there based on my own experience with my husband, the frustrated Supporter. Lol. You definitely have supports and many virtual hugs here. Throw my hug into the pile for your collection now. :)

Much luck to you and your family! <3

 

[Nicolette]

Welcome HarleyQuinn. You have made the first step in helping you help yourself by reaching out. Well done as it takes courage. So does dealing with life as you describe it and when resentment breeds it can be dangerous. I am guessing you would be very tired and that would also not be helping your emotional sanity.

I hope you read down in the Supporters section, especially the sticky threads, so you don't feel so alone for starters and there are good articles also.

Venting is good too so feel free to start a Supporters Diary to get your 10 pages out as when out you can look at them rather than carrying the weight around in your mind which never helps when you need to be able to think straight.

Good luck and I hope you find some catalyst to start change... which hopefully coming here might do for you both.

 

[mysihba]

Welcome and again know that things will get better. As you learn more about PTSD perhaps it will be easier to convince him that he probably has a condtion with a name, which is a common result of his service....and it is treatable. Feel free to write or message me. In the meantime we all need...each other. We need to be able to talk to those that understand.

mysihba