Sufferer Experienced recovery seeker seeking others

[HopingToFind]

Hello,
I've been in and out of 12 step rooms for almost 30 years, seeing as I began my first 12 step meeting at 19 years old.
I am doing 12 step work in Adult Children of Alcoholics (2 years), after being in Al-Anon (10 years) and Celebrate Recovery (4 years).
The reason why I'm here is my self abandonment, from a mother who abandoned me early (I have the image in my head now), and I'm doing something very risky, especially when I compare myself to others and their stories.
About 9 days ago, I was thinking about my experiences with both counselors and therapists I've had, and I'd made more progress with the T's (therapists) vs. the counselors. I began EMDR with 2 of the T's, and my last one I'd sought out for EMDR--specifically.
During my time with him, I became antsy and looked up online alternatives, and found some Youtube videos, which I didn't do much of. I'd also found some software, but I never purchased it. I'd stayed with a common belief: stick with a T to go through these issues.

So, I'm here to begin journaling what I'm doing now with EMDR, at home, without a therapist. I'm here since I am not made to be alone. I look forward to the dialogue.

 

[Friday]

Afternoon! Do you have PTSD?

 

[Friday]

@HopingToFind Please make sure you're logged into your account, in order to respond to your thread :)

 

[HopingToFind]

Afternoon! Do you have PTSD?

Yes, I do have a low grade PTSD, though I've never sought out a diagnosis. The more I do intensive recovery work, the louder it becomes. The vast majority are emotional flashbacks, and I have tried for many years to either suppress, ignore, or minimize them. I've only read a little on this site, but many are acutely aware of their conditions, its grade, intensity........and I am not like that. I spent the first 5-10 years of recovery thinking "if I could understand it, I could control it". Life happened, it kicked my butt at times, so I don't try to wrangle emotions like I used to. I don't dismiss other's understanding, but I don't believe my old beliefs either. Healing happens if I'm willing to try to heal. So I'm in 12 step groups, and lately I've begun EMDR at home. I'd like advice on the sanity of posting my experiences doing EMDR without a T currently when some are very shaky in their beliefs and hopes for relief. I've not been here long, so I'll await responses. Thank you Friday.

 

[EveHarrington]

If you haven't been diagnosed by a professional, it's impossible to know if you have PTSD or not.

 

[Justmehere]

Welcome to the forums!

During my time with him, I became antsy and looked up online alternatives, and found some Youtube videos, which I didn't do much of. I'd also found some software, but I never purchased it. I'd stayed with a common belief: stick with a T to go through these issues.

So, I'm here to begin journaling what I'm doing now with EMDR, at home, without a therapist. I'm here since I am not made to be alone. I look forward to the dialogue.

First you express the importance of working with a therapist, and now you state you are doing EMDR at home, even without any resources or software or a therapist - this seems to possibly be contradictory. Are you still working with that therapist? If not, why not? If you are still seeing them, have you told them about your desire to do more work on your own between sessions without the therapist?

I'd like advice on the sanity of posting my experiences doing EMDR without a T currently when some are very shaky in their beliefs and hopes for relief.

Posting about experience with EMDR is welcome on the forums. Lots of people here struggle to hang on to hope - but I believe there is much cause for hope. I myself have been told a few times I'd never get as far as I have.

I'd especially recommend checking out the Treatment and Therapy forum, and perhaps considering posting there or in the Trauma Diary sections. You can use the search function to find threads on EMDR as well.

Self administered EMDR is ok and fairly safe for positive resourcing protocols. I did self administered EMDR as taught by a therapist to me for the purpose of build uping self confidence. I also played around with EMDR-style tapping through a very simple phobia that had nothing to do with trauma. It went alright.

I would strongly advise against doing EMDR on one's self to process trauma. EMDR sort of gets around built in defense mechaims in the brain and can open up a lot more than someone expects and lead to strong unexpected side effects. A therapist is a pretty essential part of the process to guide the work and keep someone from becoming too destabilized by it.

Glad you are reaching out for help though!