Not possible to explain in one sentence. This is my FB status today... so timely thread for me.
All I can say is that PTSD f*cking sucks. If you aren't aware, one of the symptoms is intrusive thoughts. There are "triggers" usually that will induce the thought, memory or flashback. I'll give you an example of how this effects my daily life.
Yesterday while Bella, Max & I were taking our walk in the park I observed an older middle age man with a young boy. Elementary school aged maybe Kindergarten/1st grade. What I observed was the two of them walking into a very wooded part of the park. Not too far in... It appeared as if he took the boy there to pee because they stepped just inside the area and the man seemed to be standing back as the young boy went slightly further in and the man just stood there watching me watch him. After a moment the boy emerged and they returned to the pond where they appeared to be fishing. I never stopped walking, just slowed down and made sure he knew that I was observing the situation. I walked slowly and observed for a while. I even took another turn around the park just to be sure. At that point is was dark and they had left.
Here is where the PTSD kicks in. I can't stop thinking about it & the event triggered memories I'd rather not have at the forefront of my mind. I have been anxious and constantly in tears since. When I came home, I just tried to keep myself busy. I cleaned the kitchen, hung out with Dallas, watched some movies...just anything to stop myself from thinking about that event and thinking that WHAT IF I somehow was wrong in my assessment of the situation and failed to protect that child? I have to keep reminding myself that I didn't SEE anything inappropriate. By all appearances it was just a granddad too lazy to take the kid to the bathroom which is on the other side of the park. In fairness, it is a fairly large park with a fishing lake and walking trail.
The hardest part for me is that I hate for Dallas to see me like this.
