Extracurricular Activities With My Daughter

[Ghostybear73]

I just lost my extracurricular activity time with my daughter and it just seems unfair. Every quarter my boss changes my schedule to meet the needs of the students. The only thing is, I had a day schedule for once in five years and because another coworker decided she didn't want to work a split shift because it interferes with her time to be with her husband, I was asked if I would be willing to take one of her night classes (which would be 2 nights a week). I said "no, as I would like time with my daughter, just as she would like time with her husband". I have more seniority at this campus, but she transferred from another campus and overall she has more seniority. Well as a surprise, my boss scheduled me for all night classes.

This means that I am going to have to quit coaching soccer after 5 seasons because I schedule practice at 530pm on Tuesday and Friday so my working parents can make it. It also means I am unable to make it to her Shou Shu (Kung Fu) classes, which are at 530pm as well on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. I asked him about the change and he told me I was lucky to have a job because the alternative would be horrible. So, my 8 year old daughter goes to school during the day and I work at night. I don't get to see my daughter and spend time with her because my coworker wants time with her husband.

I am a little upset about this and was wondering if maybe I am overreacting and being a little selfish?

 

[Viosinger]

I teach and far too often see parents who ( despite being home and having the time) hire a nanny to pick them up from school, give them a snack, help with homework, make dinner, supervise bath time, do the laundry, etc. essentially, they spend tons of money to avoid parenting (except on the weekends, when they tote the children around & brag about the children's success in extracurriculars), or hire a babysitter so they can go out. It's so disheartening.

It's not selfish to want that time with your daughter, it's wonderful that you do, that you care & work to be a support for her.

I think your boss's response was unnecessarily callous. Unless you've been a horrible employee, there's no reason to hint at/refer to "the alternative." Scheduling can be difficult, but employees needs should at least be considered. If they can't be met, it should be addressed with a modicum of empathy or at least acknowledgement, ex: "This is the only way I could make the schedule work, I need you to take a turn on nights, I can try to change it again in the future."

 

[Ghostybear73]

Yeah, I have been teaching at this school for 5 years with no disciplinary action. I was sent to Florida for an all expese paid vacation/ awards ceremony for teacher of the year and I have always had a night class 2 days a week. So at least with that schedule, I could manage soccer. But since ihe originally gave me days for this coming quarter and he asked me, I said no. Should have just sucked it up, because now I'm all nights.

Its not the first time he has retaliated, but to do it because I didn't want to do split shifts? I understand that splits are hard when you don't live close, but until I bought my house close to work, I did split shifts for 3 years (an hour away)

 

[scout86]

Do you have any kind of grievance process? Your boss' reaction seems unfair and the "be glad you have a job" comment sounds like bullying, unless he's serious and then there are better ways to have THAT conversation. Seems to me that the unpopular shifts should be shared, so everyone gets time with their families. Asking you to give up ALL time with your daughter seems unfair, unless there is truly no one else who can do any of the nights. Doesn't sound like that's the case. If you have a way to file a grievance, I'd give thought to doing it. Have you talked this over with your co-worker? I'd like to think that an educator would get that it's important for a parent to be involved in the life of their kid. Maybe there's a chance to compromise.

You don't sound like you're over reacting OR being selfish.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

You are not being selfish at all. Your daughter needs you, too!