K
Kb3
I have tried to explain this to my therapist but he often gets this look on his face that he trully doesn't understand what I am talking about. He feels I am afraid of rejection, I agree to a point. It goes further than that. I just don't understand what it's all about. It hurts in my core and it's simply being around people.
onlybygrace
I also see so much of myself in this quote as well as your extended post Onlybygrace. Very often I find it extremely painful to be around other people and replay exchanges, second guessing myself and having pangs of regret over what I said or should have said or done. I have spent my whole life feeling different and worse than other people, never knowing who I can trust. Other people have made me suffer so much that it has honestly been easier just to isolate and avoid them as much as I can. It is a lonely way to go through life, but for me, preferable to being taken advantage of or ridiculed
For someone who has not had a lifetime of these conflicting and excruciating internal dialogues perhaps it might look like an easy task to sort by labelling the issues and tackling them according to the book. In my experience the reality is much more ingrained and complex, and very often it doesn't feel worth taking the risk. This is why I have turned back to my spirituality. I never know when people are going to let me down, but I know that I can always count on God.