Extreme need for isolation and fear of people

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I like the bit about 'Nuts have fun, nuts are quirky' my term for nuts is " Fruit Loops". I love meeting other fruit loops (no offence is meant here to anyone). I have always know that i was different. My mother wanted me be to be normal and she enforced that. I have a severe hearing loss, how could i be like other people, they were not deaf. (here i have trouble talking about this subject with me as there is so much mess here). A combination of home and school emotional abuse has made me into the mess i am.
I also affiliate with wearing a mask out in the real world and being home and being able to be yourself to some extent. I feel safe at home, the world is a dangerous place with people in it whom you do not know what is going to happen to you.
I even do not feel safe writing things as i never know if i am going to get into trouble over this. I learnt and know that the world does not want me.
Just writing here is a big risk for me.
 
What helped me past the NORMS (yeah very 'average' parents) and the expectation I be 'normal and be ordinary' (I guess it makes them feel pretty good when they can look down ignorant beaks) is shaking off people like that.

Fruit loops? Another Australian? Tall poppy syndrome? School and youth suicides here are far too common. And school is not a nice place for a lot of bright or different kids among the 'norms'. Most of the teacher also being 'norms'.

But here is what helped me. When you're a kid, those people are HUGE! lol I mean as kids we feel 'physically' unable to defend ourselves. Because we were physically unable to defend ourselves. This is where fear sets in and we start to develop defence (survival) mechanisms.

But those reactions, once embedded, stay the same size, as the rest of our physical body continues to grow, and physically we have outgrown that thing of HUGE threats and the physical threats. Instead it becomes 'behaviour' like they portrayed, triggering the protective responses.

I love saying when someone starts treating me like that "Im a big girl now". Not only for their benefit, but also for my own. It brings things into perspective.

You see they love to always tell us....we're doing something wrong. Being told we are doing something wrong, brings that reaction of the expectation WE change OUR behaviour to fir what THEY want. They didnt say it right? But the expectation is there/

Fruit loops (love it) can flex and change and be adaptable (a valuable skill in life) whereas those with the expectations (wait for it)....cant. They dont have the brains to do it, so they dump that expectation on us.

Dont do it. See it for what it is. And then have a little chuckle because YOU really ARE so much more able that them, and they know it.

Its a little like someone who speaks 7 languages, coming up against someone who only speaks one. Who is going to expect who, to change to what will make communication possible?

The one who has limited knowledge and ability, will always expect the one with more knowledge and ability, to change to fit what suits them.

Can you see it?

Thats ok for a brief conversation. But its not ok if the person who CAN is constantly badgered by demands of the person who either cant, or is simply too lazy to put in the same effort required, and the easy way is to just make someone else do it.

Either way. Which side of that fence are you on Kimba?

You want an equal fence? Start having expectations (because its very fair to have them) that they also learn at least 2 other languages, or get off your case. If they are not also prepared to make an effort (now we are all big and they arent physically scary any more) then it is entirely unreasonable you always make all the effort, or that they even expect you to do that.

Practise "No".

The result is...the norms will go ape. The gooduns....will go "OK" and stick around (give and take is normal there)

Keep the gooduns and throw the rest out.

((hug))
 
Oh Jacquie, yes i am an aussie. I had a good laugh reading your post. Many thanks for what you said. I have a hell of a long way to go with all this stuff. Well its half a life time now maybe in another half a lifetime I might get it. I know that curing me is not the answer but getting along better with my own life is the goal for me. I find fruit loops the best as they understand and those people who like and love fruit loops too. Yep throw the rest out.
 
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