Hello. First off, I apologize for the tone of this thread. However I feel like I need solid advice. Or something.
As things have unraveled around me, I am approaching new avenues. My relationship ended, which I had moved myself and my child to another state. So I am grateful to have found an affordable apartment my child and I will be moving to next month. My job I once considered a blessing has become a place of attack. So I applied at a church that will hopefully be a better avenue for me if I get the job. Those are positives.
I just feel so misunderstood and so lost. Nothing is really different in that respect than it ever has been really. I'm so much darker and sadder and more jaded than anyone I know. I feel like I've seen so much darkness I've become it. My ex, referencing a comment from my ex boss referred hatefully to my "dark cloud" of being, and like her, was done with it. I'm hurt by that, as I am who I am, darkness and all. I don't have any hope and it's hard to be around a depressed person who is sad all the time. I know if I were to get into another relationship, all my darkness would shadow any light there could be. I just don't have a place with other people. I feel like I know darkness more than they do and they resent me for it. Why? Why can't I just be myself. Why is it offensive to be every color that I am. Why does it hurt people? Why do I have to lie to get along with others. Why cant I feel sadness and anger about my life. Why do people take it so personally. Why do people get mad when I don't pretend
Idk what I'm even asking for with this post. I'm upset no one I know understands darkness. Living their lives while not accepting that I have to live mine too... all colors of it. Why deny truth to make your alternate reality feel better to you?? Why cant I be myself. Why does it offend anyone. Why should i lie and cover up my past and what continues to hurt, just to folster some delusional idea of what the world is. Why don't people want me to be myself, all of myself
I don't want to let anyone in my life anymore. I just want to be able to feel everything without judgement and ridicule. I don't relate to anyone and I don't feel it's bad to be alone
As things have unraveled around me, I am approaching new avenues. My relationship ended, which I had moved myself and my child to another state. So I am grateful to have found an affordable apartment my child and I will be moving to next month. My job I once considered a blessing has become a place of attack. So I applied at a church that will hopefully be a better avenue for me if I get the job. Those are positives.
I just feel so misunderstood and so lost. Nothing is really different in that respect than it ever has been really. I'm so much darker and sadder and more jaded than anyone I know. I feel like I've seen so much darkness I've become it. My ex, referencing a comment from my ex boss referred hatefully to my "dark cloud" of being, and like her, was done with it. I'm hurt by that, as I am who I am, darkness and all. I don't have any hope and it's hard to be around a depressed person who is sad all the time. I know if I were to get into another relationship, all my darkness would shadow any light there could be. I just don't have a place with other people. I feel like I know darkness more than they do and they resent me for it. Why? Why can't I just be myself. Why is it offensive to be every color that I am. Why does it hurt people? Why do I have to lie to get along with others. Why cant I feel sadness and anger about my life. Why do people take it so personally. Why do people get mad when I don't pretend
Idk what I'm even asking for with this post. I'm upset no one I know understands darkness. Living their lives while not accepting that I have to live mine too... all colors of it. Why deny truth to make your alternate reality feel better to you?? Why cant I be myself. Why does it offend anyone. Why should i lie and cover up my past and what continues to hurt, just to folster some delusional idea of what the world is. Why don't people want me to be myself, all of myself
I don't want to let anyone in my life anymore. I just want to be able to feel everything without judgement and ridicule. I don't relate to anyone and I don't feel it's bad to be alone
