Eye Contact In Therapy

[Lucycat]

I struggle with eye contact. I have discussed it with T. He days he does not expect eye contact from me. He has noticed that at the beginning of a session my eyes are usually on the floor but they move up the wall as we progress. Since that discussion I have become a lot more aware of my lack of eye contact and I do try really hard when I can.

 

[digger]

I struggle with eye contact. My T doesn't have an issue with it or expect it, if she did we'd probably part company, because to be honest I feel under enough stress and pressure (from myself and the situation) without adding to it worrying about that. We have talked about body language and eyes and she says I communicate through both with her (even though I rarely make eye contact with her, no eye contact communicates to some extent how I'm feeling).

 

[Barberian]

I wasn't able to read the responses. Very tired and getting ready for bed. I close my eyes usually when I have to talk to someone for very long. The more stressed I am, the sooner I close my eyes. This in and of it's self can cause more anxiety as I want to close my eyes even with strangers. This goes against my self preservation instinct.

Eye contact for me, is reserved for dangerous or threatening situations for all except family. If I look someone in they eyes, it's usually because I'm getting angry and it's instinctual. An expression can convey a thousand words, mine usually is - keep it up and I'm going to kill you.

 

[shell]

When I first started therapy I would stare at the floor, get lost in the carpet, and avoid any eye contact. These days I make more eye contact but I can't sustain it, so I would look just to the right of my T, and if things were really bad get lost in a painting on the wall.

I had a real fear of being seen or visible, since I got past that it has got a lot easier. The more emotional I am, the harder it is to look at someone.

 

[Chosen]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one!

My T first thought I wasn't making eye contact because I was mad at him; I told him that it was more like shame and fear.

Recently, in our last very challenging interaction, he said that "I'm not getting a lot of eye contact" in a negative tone....so I'm going to have to talk to him about that--and explain what eye contact does to me.

 

[littlelostchild]

Me too.

The more I have developed trust, the more the eye contact, but when we discuss the trauma or my feelings, I start tracing the corners of the ceiling with my eyes or lose myself into the wall. He will sometimes remind me to look at him and I may try, or may not.

Can you imagine spending your day discussing serious sh*t with people who can't look at you. Oh man.

 

[rightkindofme]

I don't look at my T during the worst of the stuff, the things that curdle my wame to say out loud. In general I don't have a hard time with eye contact. I'm overly aggressive though.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I used to have this problem and my solution was to wear sunglasses inside and out. I felt safer because no one could see my eyes. I have overcome this now and no longer need my sunglasses but keep them anyway in case of an emergency. I wish you the best in learning how to have good eye contact. It will take as long as it takes until you feel safer.

 

[Notsowild]

I have this problem too and I am extremely shy so that doesn't help. I do find though I am getting a little better with my T. It comes from trusting him and wanting to get better. He has all this knowledge and I don't want to miss a word.

 

[Sammyiam]

I have be seeing my new psychologist for a couple of months now and I could pass her on the street and not recognise her, I just cannot look at her, but then again I don't really look at many people unless I know them really well. I have always been very bad at it and am trying really hard to sort it and look at people.

 

[PollyScotland]

My therapist is lovely and easy to talk to. At times, usually when he is talking, I can meet his eyes for a few moments, but if I am talking I tend to look at the floor, my hand on the armrest, his shoes, or my shoes if my legs are crossed.

 

[Firelamb67]

Had my therapy today and didn't take my eyes off the floor. So I can relate to be sure.

I read several different articles that says eye contact/maintaining eye contact is important. So I do try and some times I do pretty good. Let's just say I'm getting better at. I just squeeze my hands really hard.