Facing My Perp in Court, Advice Please....

[FightingLily]

I have waited 5 years for the justice system to capture my ex-husband.
He was arrested on May 21st, and his preliminary hearing will be held on the 6th of June for the DV/assault and attempted murder charges. I just received my subpoena to appear today.

Everyone is excited for me, that this seems to be coming to a close, that he will finally pay for what he has done to me, and that I no longer have to worry about my safety. No one seems to understand why I am not as excited as they are....

I am scared shitless about seeing him in court. And I'm not happy about seeing him during the trial. I'm so nervous about it all, I'm crying. I would call my therapist but she is out until the 3rd week of June.

Anyone have advice on this?

 

[Lucky Laser]

I don't really have any good advice but I can say that I do understand why you're not excited. Even though it means things are coming to a close, the thought of seeing such a person again is unbearable. Is there anyone you can call in place of your therapist? Is there anybody you can spend time with and maybe just not talk about it, or do things to help you relax until the time comes? And when it does have some coping techniques ready to help? Sorry I can't help more than that... but you will be in my thoughts.

 

[Deleted member 487]

You have the right to a victims advocate and they MUST assist you with this. You, as a victim, ARE ENTITLED TO THIS RIGHT. GET ONE!!!!!!

 

[FightingLily]

LL,
Unbearable, yes. It was bad enough when I saw him in my nightmares these past five years, and now I have to see him in real life during the trial for however long it takes, I have to I relive the things he did to me while testifying... I'm scared out of my mind. I'm scared I'll lose it on the stand, I'm scared I'll blow the case. I'm scared of what he will say, because he's an opportunist when it comes to messing with my mind. I thought I grew stronger over the years, but now that I am faced with this, I feel helpless like I've lost control. I know this is irrational thinking, but I can't help it.

It doesn't help I've received the 10 phone calls from family members and friends, the news spread quickly. The constant ringing was driving me crazy. I turned the ringer off so I could try to process. And still ended up here. I've tried getting my mind off of it, not working.

I have a stand-by T until she becomes available but I don't know the stand-by. She would have access to my medical file, but it's not the same.. If my anxieties don't decrease by morning I will give her a call. I don't like feeling like this....

Cactus_jack,
Thank you. I will be calling Monday morning to obtain a VA.

 

[becvan]

Lilly I have gone through a very similar situation. I was also scared witless. The stress was something awful. Focus on your self care. Work on coping skills with all the increased symptoms, relaxation techniques.. etc.. I would highly suggest you arrange to have someone go with you. Waiting to testify had me at my absolute worst and I was very sick the entire week of the trial, however it is what happens once it's all said and done that makes it worth every second of it. Even though mine didn't end exactly how I wanted, it still ended with him having to admit he was guilty. It is a powerful moment to see someone held accountable by the law. It is empowering and will be worth every second of the stress your going through now. Keep your head up, work on coping skills and keep a very strong support system as close as possible.

You can do this, you can survive this. I have faith in you. :)

bec

 

[2quilt]

When the trial is over, he will be in jail, where he cant hurt you! He cant hurt you in court. His words are lies, and everyone in the court will see him for the piece of shet he is. He will be the one in cuffs, the guilty one, the one the police finally caught after he ran like a rat. The judge already knows he's guilty.
You have all the power! Your words will explain everything he did and why he needs to be in jail with a cellmate who hates cowards who hit women. You are powerful now! He knows you have all the power now.
Get a therapist to go with you, friends, a VA, everyone to go with you; the court would expect that you are afraid of him, and they will have compassion. The court sees the worst of society on a daily basis and they can smell when a person is a criminal.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Lilly,

All of the advice I would have given you has already been said....Please just keep in the back of your mind that you are now safe.....

Sending lots of prayers and warm wishes that you will be fine.....

 

[lrs]

It's another story, but I know exactly how you feel.
You can do this.
Send him to hell.

 

[Nicolette]

Good luck Lily. I don't have any relevant advice as I don't have PTSD.

My ex assaulted me and it took 12 months to go to court.....wasn't much fun but I had good police support. While the process is hard I think you may find the outcome/end somewhat beneficial if there is a good outcome and your ex-husband is found guilty. It may give you a small sense of justice which can be somewhat freeing.

 

[Rivergirl]

Can you have some friends sit in the front row at court that you can look at while you're testifying? Have them wear something bright, like red sweatshirts or something so you can easily pick them out. Definitely don't go by yourself.
Remember: they would not have charged him if it was only your word against his. There must also be some evidence. So things are already in your favour, and it's him that squirming. Just take a deep breath, don't let them rush you, and just tell your story like you remember it. It might also be helpful for you to make a couple of notes for yourself ahead of time. You won't be able to look at them in court, but just to organize your thoughts so your head isn't spinning right now might be useful. It always helps me to write a few things down if I'm facing something I'm anxious about----either points I want to make, or things to remember (like "breathe").
Let us know how it goes, eh? We'll be behind you.
Rivergirl

 

[2quilt]

and dont look at him whatever you do, while you are testifying. look at your supporters and friends.

 

[pandora]

I will be thinking about you. Remember to breathe and have support with you. An ativan might help too. Take good care of yourself.