pacificblue
New Here
I'm not going to retype my whole story here, it's in my introduction, but basically after being violently strangled and (deep breath) raped (I typed it! now just to learn to say that word) I married a wonderful man a few years later. Life was good until our firstborn's long and traumatic birth seemed to send me straight back into the hell of PTSD all over again (4 and a half years ago). I was eventually getting through it when late last year something on the news retriggered me - I became completely paranoid, withdrawn, irritable, etc and realised I needed to seek help and went to my GP (who's referred me to a psychologist).
After my son's birth I found intimacy with my husband a lot more difficult - not because of him, but because of a block in me. If I worked hard to overcome it and be with him it was always wonderful and I'd wonder why I couldn't go for it every night. But then the next night I'd have the same problem again. Often I'd simply withdraw. I was also unreasonably angry with my husband and really withdrew from him. It speaks volumes for him that he stuck with me. There are no words to describe how much I love him for that.
I've often had this vision of my heart as a piece of flesh with no skin or protective covering, which has been used as a pincushion and simply can't take anymore touching or anything. Yet this seems to be healing now. Although I've barely even started therapy (have only met the therapist once) I already see vast improvements, as if simply facing up to this is healing me already. I'm actually looking foward to being with my husband, feel as if I'm finally able to open up to him (although I still can't speak of the attack to him or anyone - but I did ask him to read what I'd written in my introduction). It's incredible to be feeling so much better like this. I'm hoping therapy will continue to heal me rather than close me down again - I like having this door to my heart open.
Not too sure what my question was exactly anymore, but has anyone else found things to be similar? And did therapy bring lasting relief so you could continue feeling this way? He really deserves a happy marraige. And I'm even starting to think maybe I do too :)
After my son's birth I found intimacy with my husband a lot more difficult - not because of him, but because of a block in me. If I worked hard to overcome it and be with him it was always wonderful and I'd wonder why I couldn't go for it every night. But then the next night I'd have the same problem again. Often I'd simply withdraw. I was also unreasonably angry with my husband and really withdrew from him. It speaks volumes for him that he stuck with me. There are no words to describe how much I love him for that.
I've often had this vision of my heart as a piece of flesh with no skin or protective covering, which has been used as a pincushion and simply can't take anymore touching or anything. Yet this seems to be healing now. Although I've barely even started therapy (have only met the therapist once) I already see vast improvements, as if simply facing up to this is healing me already. I'm actually looking foward to being with my husband, feel as if I'm finally able to open up to him (although I still can't speak of the attack to him or anyone - but I did ask him to read what I'd written in my introduction). It's incredible to be feeling so much better like this. I'm hoping therapy will continue to heal me rather than close me down again - I like having this door to my heart open.
Not too sure what my question was exactly anymore, but has anyone else found things to be similar? And did therapy bring lasting relief so you could continue feeling this way? He really deserves a happy marraige. And I'm even starting to think maybe I do too :)
