Failing Therapy.

[NightSky]

Oh, it's not new found insight. I've known it all along. I do forget and wonder where I'm going wrong and need to be reminded though. Which is what she does. So that I dont fall into the mindset that I'm actually failing therapy.
Everything you wrote makes perfect sense and is exactly how I feel. How am I supposed to do something differently when I'm not doing what I'm doing on purpose.
If my T ever said she wasn't sure she could help me and if wasn't working I would find a new one. That would make me not trust her. I would be afraid of being abandoned and there's no way I would be able to continue to lower the wall brick by brick which is what I feel like I've been doing. I need to know she's there and she believes in me and in what we're doing. I wonder if you could bring that up to your T? That seems like a major thing to me and could be holding you back more than you are even consciously aware.
I also feel the pressure, like you do, to fit the specific role. However I do think emotional involvement is necessary for healing. The first time I got teary I completely shut down and lost track of time and couldn't hear or even function. That was a few months into therapy with her. We are now 1.5 yrs in and twice I've gotten a little teary. The first time she quickly asked me to find something in the room to ground me. And the second was near the end of the session so she acknowledged my feelings and changed the subject. I feel like she responds well. And I "feel" safe. But still, I wish I had answers.
I do feel like you should talk to your T about what inconsistencies feel like for you and how they may be setting you back, as well as her comments about it not helping.

 

[Warrior_interrupted]

Sorry! My answer then doesn't line up at all to what you said. I am glad you are working through everything and have a great therapist!

I have 2 months left with mine then I am forced out, so I might just do the emdr and go. I only got the two months because ethically she couldn't discharge me from tx.
Honestly, you are right about the trust and inconsistencies. I might bring that up at the end. It's so hard though in the position of the person needing help to not blame yourself at the beginning. She misses all of the time, rarely follows through, never responds to a call or email, abruptly at the worst time in December declared that we were finishing up. I had just spent five months in continuous loss and loss anticipation. The last loss happened one week and the next she literally threw another at me. I was like "is this a joke? Because it's not particularly funny".

Ultimately, all I need right now to finish up is to know that she is on my side. How I go about asking that, I have absolutely no clue. Haha. And if I could stop failing so I could get everything possible out of the two months, that would be super. :-)

 

[NightSky]

Will you be able to start with someone new? Sounds like you need a much better fit so you feel emotionally supported. I'm sorry it hasn't been that way for you.
And your answer really did line up with everything I experience.

 

[Warrior_interrupted]

Will you be able to start with someone new? Sounds like you need a much better fit so you feel emotion...

You are so kind. Thank you for this back and forth conversation of sorts.

I am thinking of trying to find another person, but no. As of now, I won't be starting fresh with someone else.
I really like my current therapist. She is an awesome person and we get along well. What's missing is really just her ability to be professional in her job... and also that whole "you don't just give up on someone" thing. Lol

I am glad to hear somewhat that it is not just me feeling often like I am failing therapy though. Even if part of my reason is the therapist. It's nice to know that other people feel this too.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I'm finding it hard to read through this thread. Not in a trigger way, just hard to read between the lines @Warrior_interrupted. I guess I can't really identify, but I have felt failure many times.

I can't help but think that just finishing off the EMDR and leaving it at that might not be the ideal way to handle this. Would it help your confidence if your therapist could give you the affirmation sooner than later? How do you think it might help you as you work through these last couple of months? If you feel more confident in your success, perhaps you'll be able to attack this with more strength. With more determination.

Your name is good. You are a warrior. Don't settle.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think others can sometimes miistake not knowing how to accomplish something as a desire not to accomplish something.

When all is said and done, I know no one would know how hard I've tried, I really have. Blood sweat and tears.

I wish you good luck @Warrior_interrupted , I hope something better is resolved for you or transpires. :hug:

 

[Freedomfighter]

For quite awhile now I have been failing therapy. I go in and when the conversation gets to...

I find that when thinking about a good therapist I would think that therapist is actually quite frank with patients. Meaning to have a serious talk with patients what they should expect. To let the patient know that there will be some really crazy and weird stuff happening in the journey and that the patient can become angry and confused.
I think a good therapist should explain foremost what a therapist and client relationship is, telling right of the bat what a patient can expect from a therapist and what a therapist believes in himself or herself.

I think a whole lot of misunderstandings could be swept off the plate if a therapist were just smart enough and capable enough to explain what exactly therapy is and what the patient will receive in form of therapy, where the lines are that are not to be crossed and at which point the gates come down if that therapy agreement is developing in ways that are unhealthy.

I just think when that would happen upfront between a therapist and a patient then they would all be clear and a lot of the things that I read about in these forums would not happen. I view a lot of posts about therapy where it does not look like the therapist set those kind of boundaries right away and in many such cases leaves the door open to possibly have to get into situations in which the patient may become a liability to that doctor.

Just saying, if I were a doctor, any kind of doctor, and knew that there would be long term therapy in the picture, physical or mental, I would set those boundaries with the patient, especially when recognizing that lawsuits about doctor's care are plentiful.

Seems that a lot of patients in the mental health care field might not exactly understand what it is that a healthy patient/doctor relationship looks like.

I would think a good therapist that does not want a whole lot of lawsuits would clear that up right away. Just saying......sometimes you read between the lines..... sometimes you discover a patient that might be at danger from a bad therapist...... sometimes you notice patients that may become a danger to doctors.... and that could only be happening if such agreements are not classified as a business relationship in which services are rendered to the patient in exchange for payment.

But hey, what do I know?