Gosh aren't they though? I am going through all this healing and doing all these things and maintaining my responsibilities, and let me tell you it is SO hard when the symptoms get worse with healing, but you have to FIGHT yourself BUT at the same time allow yourself to feel those feelings plus the feelings of everyday ups and downs! YUCK. I feel like I am on a teeter totter trying to balance myself constantly. One minute I am happy the next minute I am feeling something from the past because I am more focused on the trauma during recovery. Man it is not fun. Thank you for resonding :)
I feel lot better. I tried a lot of new experiences the past 2 weeks, got a massage (victim of childhood sexual abuse so it was hard but worth it), going to school-just got accepted into my major/minor after being undecided for 8 years!; just got awarded 2 scholarships; going to Africa in May next year ; joined some groups; making myself speak up in class everyday, fighting with my fiancee, the anniversary of my sexual abuse was monday and that same day I came home from a mini vacation and discovered my future in laws decided while we were gone to go through my personal belongings including trauma workbook and my therapy journal, my fiancee has been fighting me-he had childhood physical abuse (doesn't seek help but follows me to my therapy and what not), oh and MOTHER FREAKING NATURE DECIDE SHE WOULD BLESS ME WITH HER MONTHLY GIFT! not the best of weeks but I have stuck to all my commitments and responsibilities and studies and I am SO proud of myself for that.
:)
