Faith and healing from CSA

[KwanYingirl]

I lived a life that I often seriously consider faith. As a child, there were never examples of faith at work in my home. In high school, I joined my family’s church youth group (Protestant). I felt to lonely and maligned by my family. Maybe church would help. It didn’t. They kept drumming into our heads to do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Next I became a follower of Macrobiotics. My days were spent cooking foods to heal me, to transform me in such a way that I could not be overwhelmed by my depression. I dabbled in yoga and shiatsu massage. That lifestyle was the best years of my life.
I just am curious what others have done to develop faith, a faith that enriched your life and an ability to recover a way of life free of fear.
I’m doing well now and since I have been more attracted to shamanism and Buddhism. When I take a Shamanic Journey, my guides quite often lead me to a swan in a lake. I go to her and ask what can I do to not be so fearful, the answer is always faith. It’s the closest I’ve ever come to reacquaint my soul to my body and mind.
Interested to hear others experience of faith and how it helps you cope better.

 

[MrMoonlight]

I don't follow any of the Abrahamic religions though I have at different points in my life. I am more interested in Buddhism and think exploration in that direction could bring some type of healing. I feel that framework works best for me right now. I don't think I will ever be free from fear but I'd like to find ways to manage.

 

[Kintsugi]

Honestly, my psychedelic experiences are what gave me faith and sometimes temporarily (1 year or so, typically) cured my depression, insomnia, and suicidality. I don’t recommend it to anyone struggling with mental health or especially any form of psychosis, but it’s had the opposite effect on me than it often has on those who are in turmoil.

Even in my darkest hour, I still reconnect to the memory of my very first acid trip, which made me happy to be alive. I wasn’t suicidal for a little over one year following that, and it gave me an unshakable belief in the divine.

My first DMT trip imbued me with so much more faith, and I also cling to that when I feel hopeless and alone. No one can refute what I saw and felt; it was nothing short of perfection and unconditional love. I feel I attained some sort of core understanding of life and its infallible wonder. As if I saw the gears of the universe and it was the most immaculate clock. My second go cured my insomnia for a solid year, and I had a remarkable ability to erase my own anxiety if I had the awareness to catch it out within myself before I was consumed.

In any case, these experiences have given me some sort of invaluable insight and absolute faith. I will never deny that I have seen divinity and know that it wants me to go on, just as I am, and expects nothing more from me than the best I can deliver in the moment.

My experiences always remind me of this song, “The Patient,” by Tool:
“If there were no desire to heal
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path... I certainly would have walked away by now”

 

[KwanYingirl]

Ah, yes @Simply Simon i recall LSD trips that were quite divine. The quote you wrote is lovely. Thanks for sharing.

 

[whiteraven]

I am Buddhist and it is probably the single most helpful thing for me. I work really hard at it, trying to come to a general understanding of this life and my place in it. Also, I practice mindfulness, incorporating the "truths" of Buddhism in order to reduce the amount of suffering I experience.

I was raised Christian and although it got me through some rough times, I came to understand that, for me, it was really no more than a source of temporary comfort. The idea that there is this all-powerful being that cares about ME - well, that's pretty powerful in and of itself.

Spent a few years in a pagan group and I really liked the connection to universe/nature. Ultimately, though, I left because of the reliance on gods/goddesses and turned back to Buddhism. It helps ground me in ways nothing else ever has.

 

[Changing4Best]

I was raised by an Atheist and an Agnostic, and so I was quite confused. I was involved in a cult for awhile and I was very much a cowed soul, not happy, not healthy by any means, mental or physical. I later found Christianity and have felt a lot of faithful experiences through that. I am a Methodist, if that makes any difference.

I did have one experience one time when I had an allergic reaction to a medication. I went into anaphalaxis (shock) and I saw waves of beautiful light. I followed them in spirit, and ended up at the gates of Heaven, where my daughter was calling out to me, "Mommy, Mommy!" and holding her arms out to me. Jesus was there and asked me if I wanted to stay or if I wanted to come back. Even though I knew she was my daughter and I wanted so to go to her, I still had things here on this earth that I needed to do, so I chose to come back. Immediately, I was in an ambulance and I said, "Mommy" echoing my daughter's voice and then I called out to Jesus aloud. Then I was fully awake and aware.
. . .

I can't wait to get back there, to see her, to hold her in my arms. I have no children on this earth. She and all the others I miscarried, I so want to see and be with! I had miscarried her about 20 years prior to this event. She looked to be 20 years old. I had named them all, her name is Onna Teresa. I knew immediately which one she was (Of all 7 of my children). How I knew this, I could not tell you, I just did.

I can't wait to get back there to be with Jesus too, of course. Many of the things that I had wanted to do have happened and come to pass on earth, so I am more ready to return now, but I feel it will be some time yet before I do. Who knows but God, though, I could leave this earth tomorrow, and if I did, I would not regret it.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I like to watch YouTube videos by Tara Brach. She’s a Buddhist as well as a PHD in psychology. She gives a talk at a August church in Bethesda, Maryland every Wednesday and she presents the struggles of life, explains the physiological and mental processes and then teaches Mudfulness techniques to help in resolving the struggle. She is witty and sincere.

*That should say Bethesda, not August. Darn autocorrect!