General Faith And Ptsd

[Tinyflame]

Because oddly enough, I think God DOES care about 'feelings' down to the smallest, minutest detail, so maybe the large bad things (losses, etc), just ~had to be- for ~whatever reasons.

 

[Eleanor]

I do wish God would reconsider the whole thing about not returning phone calls and answering emails tho, establish a quota? You get three in your life that would get answered.

I guess "care about" isn't quite right - they just don't seem to be the priority, if that makes any sense. Although in darker moments I feel (HA) quite certain God doesn't give two hoots about feelings. Might have just contradicted myself there.

One of the "mantra"s in our house is "Good luck, bad luck, it is hard to tell." From the Buddhist story.

 

[Eleanor]

LH - No doubt you've already been here, etc. but couldn't help thinking (given the Lion!) of C.S. Lewis and Narnia. Which he wrote as a way to tell the message of the Gospels in a different way. Aslan (the lion) is the God/Christ figure - and is scary, because, after all "He is not a Tame lion..."

 

[Lionheart]

Thank you all for your replies and prayers!!!

When I was a small boy I read a story about a Lion that got a thorn stuck in his paw and no one would help him because all of the animals were too afraid of him. But one day a little mouse came and pulled out the thorn and the mouse and lion of course became best of friends. (at least this is the general idea of the story).

Sometimes, I think God is like a lion with a thorn in his foot and I am just this little mouse that wants to take out the thorn. I fear God not because he is this big ol lion, but mainly because he seems to have 'a thorn in his foot' and to my mind, this makes him dangerous.:tdown: (That may seem silly but it's the way I have come to think of God).

I love the story of Narnia!!! In the story of "The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe" wasn't the Lion fatally wounded and then later resurrected? I will definitely have to re-read this story with the gospels in mind.:)

Thanks again for your support,
LH

 

[Army_Brat_88]

Well, sometimes there's been help, sometimes not. In some ways I don't bother asking any more.

I understand where you are coming from Junebug.

I've read this whole thread, and my 2 cents are the following: I used to be a huge Christian. When I first joined this site I was still. I prayed and prayed for changes in my situation with my sufferer, and over a year later I can say for certain I've waisted every moment of that time.

I've lived my life with God, and the past few months I've now begun to live my life w/o God and you know what? There's not an ounce of difference between the two. If anything, walking away has calmed me down 100% more than the waiting situation I was in wasting time in prayer and beliefs.

As Christians, the belief is "God cares, and things that happen are part of God's will". That's only said by believers to not have their heads blow off in frustration of why nothing happens to change the situation. It's beyond my comprehension of how if God "cares", why he doesn't do anything, or do anything quickly. You think of how you'd do it for a friend in need, and why He doesn't. We bullshit ourselves by telling each other about "His timing" and "His will". Riiiiiiiiiight. I've decided to just go into athiest mode instead. It's sparing me a lot of stress and anger. I see so many people on this site suffering and nothing seems to happen. There's just no thing as a "loving God". Sorry. And if there is a God then I say f*ck Him. To make his creation suffer as he does? No way - which is why I've stopped believing. You can't get angry at something that doesn't exist. Look at the world today - no god exists. Period. And don't tell me about "the end times it'll be like that". Horseshit. It doesn't answer 99.9% of the suffering issue.

In all the years I'd walked the Christian walk, I look back on it and don't see anything that would ever make me promote doing it to anyone. It's nothing but suffering and misery. We're supposed to believe that on earth you may live like that, but you'll get your reward when you pass on. Bullshit. No one knows that for sure. There's probably nothing - so here we've brainwashed ourselves into doing without and walking a straight and narrow for future situations as we had put belief in a book written by people who were probably on opiates in order to see the shit they did.

I still have a heart for people and situations. I want to be a good and decent person. That hasn't gone away, but I'm not doing it for any fake "God" or "heaven". I'm doing it for me and me alone, because I like being good to people. I'd done enough praying and Bible reading in my life for 30 people. It's been so nice to walk away and free up my time and emotions.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Army Brat 88, I have felt like that- that saying "God is dead". And like you, I don't really 'care' per se about rewards, anyway, that's not my motivation.
And to me, the 'best' person -with any belief or none at all- is the one who does good, or 'is' good, or kind etc, to others.

But you know what- and I don't mean this in offense to anyone, more from what Alby and Eleanor and LH were saying- I think I learned a few things about myself today. Please ignore any or all of it, if you want! It's only my understanding as I know it.

Heard today it said when life gets challenges or things are really bad the confusion is great and the ground beneath our feet goes, and we question all or most of what we 'thought' we knew. And that when we don't 'get it' (what's going on or 'why'), we end up more confused, or angry, or hurt, etc.
I can only say this much:

-As a kid I was a 'physical' communicator- pint-sized but could break a rib with bear hugs as a little one- so no wonder I'd rather have a God 'with arms' (than just 'words').
-As a kid and adult with ptsd I communicated even less- because after all I had to hide the ptsd. Not to mention I really don't like the feeling of even less control, (because the ptsd does that already). Plus I'm not good at 'words'.
-After losing trust in the only (living) person I was SURE would NEVER betray it, I pretty much figured you can never tell- NEVER trust anyone after that. But actually, that's (potentially) illogical.

So where the heck does all this fit in?- yikes- heard today, remember that movie "Life is Beautiful", about the father plays a game with his son so that the son won't be discovered and killed in the concentration camp? Well, they were saying the point is, life (was) beautiful for the son because of the Father's love- he made it so, and protected him. But it was only later as an adult he realized all that.

Well, my dad had done that a couple of times- once when we were drowning, he made it a game. And it occurred to me, that's me', in relation to God- not only in understanding (or lack of), but also relationship.

For me, whether I am just too constitutionally weak or worn-out - I have battled this ptsd thing 30 years, or maybe it's just 'me', but I can no longer even imagine a 'God' that is anything but kind, or loving, or punitive, etc.
Because at my worst times- which have often become 'frequent' times, it is only when I've said -and 'said' isn't even the right word- been so down I can't help myself in any way- THEN I've gotten the help.

Like, and this is a silly small analogy but 'true'- I've been barely able to bear the physical pain or cold lately to get to different work locations, I would 'pray' please get me through this, or give me the strength, or please cancel (the call). Didn't really 'help', though I got through it. One day I was so cold and exhausted I thought I couldn't make it- I said 'Please keep me warm". Well, 'physchological' or not- all of a sudden I had relief.

With highest respect to everyone, and I'm sorry, I know my perspective is too 'childlike', but nonetheless "me".
xox

 

[Tinyflame]

And ( learned that) pushing out of a comfort zone includes all those things, beliefs etc.

And for the first time the whole concept of (a) 'father' made sense. But for me only from that perspective, I no longer have the means or abilities to help myself or be 'self-sufficient' (white-knuckle it). 'Broken', for sure.
xox

 

[windwoman]

I have found this discussion to be quite illuminating. I have come to believe that PTSD is very hard on faith. It is hard to believe in anything positive or good when we are in such emotional and physical pain.

It is not my intention to offend anyone, but I would like to share with you some things that I have come to believe.

I believe that God does love each and every one of us deeply and profoundly, more than we can comprehend. I believe that there is a huge difference between being cured and being healed. I will never be cured of PTSD but I am healing in that I am to manage my reactions to my triggers, I continue to aquire healthier coping skills.

I believe that man is that he might have joy and that I can learn to find some little nugget of joy somewhere in most every day.

Some months ago I was ready to give up and frankly told God,"You promised not to try us beyond our ability to endure, well just wanted to let you know you're pushing the edge of the envelope!"

I have come to believe that he is carrying me through the healing process. But I also believe that some days will just be better than others and I will continue to ask what I am supposed to be learning from it all.

 

[Tinyflame]

I needed and need to learn and be in relationship with Him. On my own I did not possess the will to live and was destroying my life. I had to try something different, and now I try to remember why I chose to live a life based on spiritual principles and be willing to live with a relationship with God. And be teachable to learn what I didn't have before, a pattern of living that sustains even in times of adversity and trauma.

Windwoman I totally agree.
Perhaps 'my' heaven will just be ptsd-free- how nice! :)
I'm ok with the healing (vs 'cure') part, too.

Dear Alby- you said it! I thought today, how come people (here) have told me that I seem to have it all-together? And then it occurred to me, I used to, in so far as in many ways I found ways to manage it.
But the real problem came (has come) when like you said above, "I did not possess the will to live and was (am) destroying my life". I think I've figured out, what worked before doesn't now. That's what I mean by I need God's help (to figure out new ways), I've been using all the old ones that don't work anymore. It's just that (at this point) I have to rely on God to carry the ball because I don't have a 'pattern of living that sustains even in times of adversity or trauma" (yet).
Thank you- :inlove: :)

 

[SeekingSerenity]

I spent about 30-odd years in the "desert" before turning back to God. I have only been talking to Him again for a few months. I believe that He is helping me through this, giving me the strength to work through my fiance's PTSD, and my resultant depression, anxiety and insomnia.

I am learning many new things, and I am remnembering many things from a youth where God did play a part. This morning I came across something while reading, and I want to share it with you all. I'll write it out, its not my own work.

"Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest." Matt 11:28

As long as Jesus is one of many options, he is no option. As long as you carry your burdens alone, you don't need a burden bearer. As long as your situation brings you no grief, you will receive no comfort. And as long as you can take Him or leave Him, you might as well leave Him, because He won't be taken half-heartedly.
But when you mourn, when you get to the point of sorrow for your sins, when you admit that you have no other option but to cast all your cares on Him, and when there is truly no other name that you can call, then cast all your cares on Him, for He is waiting in the midst of the storm.

A few months ago I hit the absolute rock-bottom in my life. I was literally on the edge of the precipice of hell, the heat was searing my body. I was an inch from devastation. I was fast slipping over the edge, there was absolutely no way out for me. I saw a light shining down, a thread dangling, and I took hold of it. I asked Jesus to save me. That was roughly 5 months ago, and I am still here. I have absolutely no doubt that without Him I would have lost it all.

I am weak, I falter all the time, and I regularly fall down. But I ask for help, and He picks me up, He dusts me off, and He sets me back on my way. He is my Father, and I am His little boy. I know how I do the same for my son, but I also know that sometimes I allow my son to fall down. My son also needs to learn things for himself. If my son falls down and doesn't cry for me, I don't go and pick him up, I leave him to carry on. I think this is exactly what my Father is doing with me.

I need to re-learn that absolute faith that I had in my parents as a little boy learning to walk for the first time...

 

[Tinyflame]

I think that is the trust they would do (you) no harm.
I'm glad you're 'here' too.
At first God did that for me alone on His own, but then He added 'God +people'

Thanks SS-
:) (So that's 3 'smiles', eh? :) :) :) )
xox

 

[topflite]

Ephesians 6:12

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

I have read a great book called "The Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer. I am also getting ready to read another called "Psalm 91". Psalm 91 is a great chapter in the Bible which talks about God's protection.