I am really glad I found this thread. First, I continue to struggle with the phrase "everything happens for a reason". I have been thinking about it a lot in the last few days. Most times, I struggle, then just give up on trying to understand. After reading this thread, though, I am reminded of scriptures that I had forgotten, and I am grateful for that. :)
I have to be careful reading the Bible. I hear more judgment than love. I can't go to church either. I have found that even though, I should find Him there, I just don't. I don't get comfort from the people. Eventually the same statements get said: "I don't understand why God doesn't heal you from this." As if I am not praying enough or doing enough? As if I DESERVE this? After a dozen churches, I have had to realize that maybe my path isn't the traditional one.
My husband and I pray together most Sundays sometimes out loud, sometimes silently. My prayers these days consist of trying to live a Godly life and have a Godly marriage. Also, to help me deal with things that I can't control that cause me so much stress.
In addition to lots of gratitude, I ask Him to help me see what I cannot see, hear what I cannot hear and understand what I do not understand. I think it helps me be more open to His will.
To continue an earlier post about the child with a peanut allergy, I think of someone who lost a leg in an accident. Would a Christian in a church seeing this person missing a leg, say I just don't understand why God doesn't give you a new leg? No one would expect that. But it is sad, as others have said, that those of us with mental illness are treated like we could actually DO something about our PTSD to cure it. After thinking about this analogy I have come to realize that if God would not replace this person's leg, why am I expecting Him to cure my mind?
As someone else said (sorry I can't quote you) we can heal, but we can't have the damage undone. Just like the person with the missing leg. His/her wound can heal, but he can never get his leg back. He might have to learn to do things differently. He will have to accept that he is no longer "normal". He can adjust and find a way to do the things that gives him happiness. But the road will be long and hard. Just like those of us with PTSD or anyone with a chronic illness. It's unfair, though, that we are faced with impossible expectations from others.
I don't know how my abuse could possibly fit into God's plan. I get angry when I try to figure it out, which is what brought me to this thread. :) But I do know that He was there. I can't explain how I know, I just do. And after 2 decades of learning to cope with this illness, I have come to see the DID I experienced as a blessing. I would not have survived my childhood without DID.
I also have no idea about heaven. I have spent a lot of time worrying about it. All I know is that whatever is there, I want to my best to live a life that God would be pleased with to the best of my ability. Some days my ability probably isn't much!
To Army_Brat_88: I hear your anger. After losing everyone I knew when I began to put boundaries in place to find a emotionally healthier way to live my life, I couldn't see God in any of my loss. I got really angry. But no matter how much I wanted to give up on God, I just couldn't. For myself, no God equals no hope. I just can't let go of the belief that I am alive because God was there. Rather than looking at what I lost, I try (and sometimes I forget) to remember that I am still here, and I still believe it's because of Him.
I respect how you feel and understand it. I know you aren't asking for advice, so you don't have to take it. :geek: If you do decide to believe again, just give yourself a break. You don't have to go to church or push yourself so hard. I have found this really hard to do - to just love God without any expectations.
Thanks again for starting this thread. I plan to keep reading!
I have to be careful reading the Bible. I hear more judgment than love. I can't go to church either. I have found that even though, I should find Him there, I just don't. I don't get comfort from the people. Eventually the same statements get said: "I don't understand why God doesn't heal you from this." As if I am not praying enough or doing enough? As if I DESERVE this? After a dozen churches, I have had to realize that maybe my path isn't the traditional one.
My husband and I pray together most Sundays sometimes out loud, sometimes silently. My prayers these days consist of trying to live a Godly life and have a Godly marriage. Also, to help me deal with things that I can't control that cause me so much stress.
In addition to lots of gratitude, I ask Him to help me see what I cannot see, hear what I cannot hear and understand what I do not understand. I think it helps me be more open to His will.
To continue an earlier post about the child with a peanut allergy, I think of someone who lost a leg in an accident. Would a Christian in a church seeing this person missing a leg, say I just don't understand why God doesn't give you a new leg? No one would expect that. But it is sad, as others have said, that those of us with mental illness are treated like we could actually DO something about our PTSD to cure it. After thinking about this analogy I have come to realize that if God would not replace this person's leg, why am I expecting Him to cure my mind?
As someone else said (sorry I can't quote you) we can heal, but we can't have the damage undone. Just like the person with the missing leg. His/her wound can heal, but he can never get his leg back. He might have to learn to do things differently. He will have to accept that he is no longer "normal". He can adjust and find a way to do the things that gives him happiness. But the road will be long and hard. Just like those of us with PTSD or anyone with a chronic illness. It's unfair, though, that we are faced with impossible expectations from others.
I don't know how my abuse could possibly fit into God's plan. I get angry when I try to figure it out, which is what brought me to this thread. :) But I do know that He was there. I can't explain how I know, I just do. And after 2 decades of learning to cope with this illness, I have come to see the DID I experienced as a blessing. I would not have survived my childhood without DID.
I also have no idea about heaven. I have spent a lot of time worrying about it. All I know is that whatever is there, I want to my best to live a life that God would be pleased with to the best of my ability. Some days my ability probably isn't much!
To Army_Brat_88: I hear your anger. After losing everyone I knew when I began to put boundaries in place to find a emotionally healthier way to live my life, I couldn't see God in any of my loss. I got really angry. But no matter how much I wanted to give up on God, I just couldn't. For myself, no God equals no hope. I just can't let go of the belief that I am alive because God was there. Rather than looking at what I lost, I try (and sometimes I forget) to remember that I am still here, and I still believe it's because of Him.
I respect how you feel and understand it. I know you aren't asking for advice, so you don't have to take it. :geek: If you do decide to believe again, just give yourself a break. You don't have to go to church or push yourself so hard. I have found this really hard to do - to just love God without any expectations.
Thanks again for starting this thread. I plan to keep reading!
