Father issues abuse and core believes

[Pauline]

hi so I posted about this issue a few weeks ago but because I'm waiting for therapy I'm just going to post another one because I feel like there are more people on this forum who can help me.

A few weeks ago I posted saying that I believe my father could have sexually abused me in some way. Since then I've been to hospital for my heart condition and he was the only person who was right there with me by my side to help me, he dropped work and everything to be there for me. I could give him a hug and feel ok, I even stayed up all night thinking and waiting if something might happen and nothing did. I still have images in my head of him hurting me and touching me but there not as bad as before and I feel safe with him when I hug him. A stupid psychic told me he had hurt me but I think she was a whack job if I'm honest!

I don't know if I was sexually abused in my past but I don't understand why I had such this strong feeling it was my father he used to scare me a lot when I was little and we used to get into huge arguments, maybe he did hurt me when I was younger but not anymore I just don't know where these ideas are coming from as I love my family and I really hope it is not my dad maybe I've just got huge father issues but anyways he comes up in my dreams hurting me and that still disturbs me. Whatever it is I am living with him at the moment and I just want to feel like I can trust him and feel ok when I'm asleep.

Can someone please guide me on my craziness I know I probably sound like an old plain broken record but my therapy is taking a while to find and I don't have much support at the moment. I hope someone can help me

Thanks X

 

[Friday]

I only have one father, and he’s a damn good man.

That said, I’ve had a number of men in my life who have been LIKE fathers to me. They hold places in my heart, right next to my dad, and I not only love/loved them, but they feel like that degree or family. Some were my friends’ dads, others were part of my dad’s command, or coaches, or neighbors... as well as a couple of my favorite uncles. Ditto, there are men who don’t quite rise to the level of fatherhood in my childhood, that are more ranked as “uncles”. I have a LOT of uncles. Both by blood, and by “extended” family // its a cultural thing... family friends who are close enough to become kin.

A child’s heart and mind? Are fluid things. They can adapt to a whooooooole lot of different roles and expectations.

There are a lot of memories I have that are emotionally tagged as “my dad” that aren’t in actuality my dad.

Now, I can remember my life really clearly down to about age 2, so that’s pretty easy for me to sort. For people whose memories don’t start until kindergarten, or are hazy until puberty, or who have giant gaps due to abuse/trauma? I can imagine sorting out father vs father figure to be a very difficult thing.

 

[Lucycat]

Gosh. that is a tough one. I WAS abused by my father and I remember every moment of it - over a period of seven years. I cannot imagine the horror of uncertainty. I have never believed in psychics and don't think they are a very positive influence in life. I don't know how you move on from this. Your father is in your life and it sounds as if he is helpful and supportive. Do you give that up just in case a psychic was right?

 

[Ronin]

I would believe your heart, not the psychic, and the intrusive images they tend to regard as repressed memories of some sort, write it off as effect of a severe stress, due to the heart condition. (Did that psychic even take THAT into account?)

As in, if you have nice and safe memories of a person? Do not let some whackjob ruin THAT. Too bloody precious to let them do it.