Fear At Night When Home Alone

[BuckarooBanzai]

I live alone in a small two-bedroom apartment. Sometimes, at night, I fear there is a dangerous someone or something in my apartment. I check out all the rooms, closets, look under the bed, etc., but the fear is only temporarily alleviated. Perhaps the dangerous someone, while I was checking out the living room, sneaked out of the master bedroom and moved into my small front bedroom? I can't see all of my apartment at the same time - too many rooms and nooks and crannies - so I am never sure all of the rooms are safe and empty at the same time.

Last night was another night of terror. Although, once upon a time, I had many such nights, I haven't experienced one like this in a very long time.

Finally, I moved my bed from the master bedroom into my small front bedroom, the Blue Room, which is small and so easy to make into a Safe Place. I retrieved my SuperHeroAnimal stuffies from the master bedroom, where they normally live, and brought them into the Blue Room. Locked the bedroom door. I put the bed in a corner, so as to minimize the number of edges exposed to the room. I checked the closests and under the bed. Finally, I got into bed with the Supers and felt safe.

I slept through until morning, but then the terror hit me again when I left the room. Finally, I had to take an Ativan tablet in the late morning. I haven't needed one of those in well over a year.

So, my question is, how does one deal with these nebulous fears? I cannot link the fear to any specific trauma in my past, so I really cannot process whatever is coming up.

Other than grounding techniques (ice, etc.), how can I get to the root of this particular fear/phobia and process it so as to free myself from it forever? I've processed pretty much everything else, but this one I don't know how to get a handle on.

Ideas?

Ben

 

[lostforgottensoul]

So, my question is, how does one deal with these nebulous fears?

I got an 80lb pitbull.

May not be everyone's answer but that was mine.

I also sleep with a stuffed animal and due to pain i sleep in a recliner (in my bedroom) surrounded by pillows but those pillows help plus along with my teddy bear, i bought a body pillow with a super soft furry pillow case (my therapist's suggestion) and i also have a behavior carried from childhood that i never stopped due to fear at night and i havent been able to stop yet.

I also have to have the tv on and sometimes a night light.

Night is hard for me.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Thank you, Lost, these are all good ideas.

I even, sometimes, suck my thumb if need be. It is something I do rarely - a habit a child alter picked up when I had DID - but it does help at times.

Also, I used to have a kiddie guard rail on my bed, and that really helped. I am thinking about getting another one now.

Oh, and having a strong flashlight at hand works, too. It's good to know I can shine a heavy beam in a bad-guy's eyes and blind him, if need be.

I rarely need all these tactics, but it's good to have the arsenal for when they are needed.

I would LOVE to get a dog but I really cannot afford one.

Ben

 

[sedna]

I live alone in a small two-bedroom apartment. Sometimes, at night, I fear there is a dangerous...

It's hard to say what causes that kind of thing, it comes and goes in a seemingly random way for me also. Actually, since this forum has people talking on the chat at all hours it might be helpful to just come here and chat so you dont feel alone. But that may not be good for the losing sleep aspect. I feel like joining this forum has made my sleep issues worse, but thats my own fault. Its been really good for me in other ways.

Like Lostforgotten said, a body pillow and changing rooms can help, sometimes I sleep on the couch and put old TV shows on that I find comforting, like Frasier, with the volume on low.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

OH, and I have a nightlight on in every room of the apartment. They are all LED lights - cost 3-4 cents per month to run - and so I leave them on 24/7.

They last forever. I bought the ones I have now 5.5 years ago, and they're still going strong without even a bulb change.

Ben

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Coco, I'll try the chat if this hits me again.

Thanks!

Ben

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I even, sometimes, suck my thumb if need be.

^^^^ is:

i also have a behavior carried from childhood that i never stopped due to fear at night and i havent been able to stop yet.

I just hate saying it. Its an every night thing for me that ive done as long as i remember. Today the only time i can sleep without it is if ive had enough sleep medication to not care.

I fear it will become an addiction or something that will come between a relationship (not that i think im capable of a relationship). I think when it comes that time, my therapist will start to talk about how to stop but for now we are focused on keeping me feeling as safe as possible.

So you are no where alone!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I rarely need all these tactics, but it's good to have the arsenal for when they are needed.

Oh oh, i also have a big BIG knife where i can reach it in about every possible position possible.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

Lost, I particularly mentioned the thumb-sucking, thinking you might relate. Please know that there are many survivors who do this - even non-survivors. It is not a bad thing. If it helps you feel safe, do it.

At some point, especially if you are facing dental issues as a result, then you might have to look at this again, but for now I wouldn't worry.

LOTS of survivors suck their thumbs!

Hey, know what I did? When my PTSD and DID first went wild, I actually had to take a bottle to bed with me every night. And, every morning, I had iced coffee in that same bottle. Now, I didn't need to do this for long, but it really did help.

My point being, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing.

It's all good.

Ben

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@BuckarooBanzai, you are getting me to admit stuff i have never ever spoke of on here. Ive talked about the thumbsucking a bit on here but not a soul on here knows i own a bottle and some pacifiers and a teether. They are just in my room though as babies have much smaller mouths than adults and i did look into an adult pacifier but backed out due to it being kinda weird and very expensive.

I was biting my thumb real hard during nightmares so i was trying to stop that. I cut a bigger hole in the bottle and used it once but honestly, nothing works for me but my thumb so thats what i defaulted to.

Thank god for the clonidine in my pain pump as it really cut down on how active my nightmares and night terrors got.

But yeah, can relate to that too.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

I tried a pacifier, too, but couldn't make it work for me, for the reasons you mentioned.

It's good that you are feeling safe enough to talk about these things here. That's what this place is for.

Ben

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Its your thread, arent I supposed to be helping you? ;)