Fear Of Connecting

[Bordo66]

Well I have PTSD for quite some years without knowing it but when I look back, and read all your relationship problems. This made me think and I never had a real relationship/girlfriend before, I now know why and Im afraid I never will. Because whenever im out with friends(male&female) and I see they all have plain fun with the opposite sex I feel like an outsider. Especially since I have been diagnosed with this bloody curse. I can make new friends without any problems but cant really connect, especially girls; im just afraid my past will catch up all of a sudden and that I will just cry in public, whenever I see a couple, anywhere the first thing pops in my head: why, why, why, why cant I have something like that. What did I ever do to deserve this?

 

[The Albatross]

You got it... by proxy... not necessarily something you "deserved". It is a starting point only... something you're aware of that is in your ability to "change"... what does that mean??? What does that entail???

I believe in life we will meet adversity. And once meeting adversity... our lives will change. A. They will change for the better. B. They will change for the worse..... and the series of choices cascades... on down the line... You are not at the mercy of your present. You are at any time presented with choices... you can choose... self protection or self challenge... a defensive or a growth challenge.

Make a decision Bordo... but first, test yourself and see that you may be a safe partner? I can hear the disputes right this second. But I can tell you for myself... I didn't endeavor to establish a "mutual life" unless I felt I could be more than "myself".

Ambiguous... possibly... but I hope this helps you.

 

[Bordo66]

Didnt fully understand the begin because of the diffecult words, sorry for that

But I dont know if Im a save person, hell I started realising a few weeks ago that my actions actually have consequentes.

 

[incongruent]

I think Albatross was saying that you got PTSD.... proxy is like... trying to think of a better way to word it- by being in the wrong place at the wrong time? That it wasn't something you did. That it wasn't something you deserved in the least.

But Albatross is also right- the possibility of being in a relationship isn't impossible- it may be harder... but not impossible. and safety is a key aspect. I, for instance, wouldn't dare enter into a relationship right now. I'm alright with some types of touching- but not all of them, and it's hard to explain to someone " Sure- you can hug me. But if you lay your hand on my elbow like that- and I don't see you go to do it- my first instinct is to swing.")

 

[Bordo66]

Thanks for the enlightenment.

It does make sence though

 

[Hylie Random]

My experience:
Connection is hard work.
I have to fight my fear and desire to run away.
Because my wife is wonderful?
The real challenge is to trust and talk.
Also to know what my feelings are before I get agitated and angry. While I can still talk things out calmly, or get out of the situation if I need to.

I'm pretty damaged.
I found the right person.
But we don't communicate very well.
We were arguing and thinking divorce.
Now we're in couples' counseling.
We should have just gone to couples' counseling first. :inlove:

 

[Bordo66]

The communicating part is so diffecult,

I noticed I have severe communicating problems haha!