Fear of screamings

[SophieBernstein]

Latelly I've been so scared of screamings, specially from my family.
When I was younger my family was dysfunctional and they were all time arguing, screaming, crying... It was a little messy and I started to analyse each movement and sign that could make me avoid any scream or smack because of the fear.
Now even as an adult (I'm 21), I still being scared of it and when I see someone angry, screaming (even if it's for fun) or with an angy face I get nervous and fearfull overall with my mother and I become tense with distress and anxiety. I addition, my father threatened to hit my on the face two days ago and I'm still being afraid of him because I don't know If he will do it.

Maybe this is stupid but It makes me unconfortable and anxious constantly.
What should I do with it?

 

[Aprilshowers]

I grew up in a violent, loud, abusive, dysfunctional family. My father in particular was a brutal man whose voice yelling profanities was just normal conversation. I lived in constant fear of my dad for decades. My solutions were not thought-out or pre-planned. It is only with time and perspective I understand how I escaped (I will always be recovering) from my father and my family.

First, I put physical distance between these people and me. After my college graduation I moved 400 miles away. Next, when interacting with these people, never raise your own voice. Don't react to them with fear or intimidation. Speak quietly, confidently, camly, and unaffected by their tirades. This often throws them off a bit and shows you to be the more mature, in-control individual. Next, when I had my own children, determined to break the generational legacy of dysfunction, I instituted some new family rules. We used "inside voices" which were modeled by my husband and me. Outside yelling in play was allowed, but never inside. Profanity was never permitted. In time, my extended family recognized that the family that my husband and I created was "different" and tried (not always successfully) to act in a more civilized manner around us. Finally, for the safety and welfare of my children I finally took the big step and cut myself off entirely from my toxic family.

Only you can decide how big an issue the dysfunction and your fear is. It was a huge issue in my life and always had been.

 

[SophieBernstein]

I grew up in a violent, loud, abusive, dysfunctional family. My father in particular was a brutal man whose voice yelling profanities was just normal conversation. I lived in constant fear of my dad for decades. My solutions were not thought-out or pre-planned. It is only with time and perspective I understand how I escaped (I will always be recovering) from my father and my family.

First, I put physical distance between these people and me. After my college graduation I moved 400 miles away. Next, when interacting with these people, never raise your own voice. Don't react to them with fear or intimidation. Speak quietly, confidently, camly, and unaffected by their tirades. This often throws them off a bit and shows you to be the more mature, in-control individual. Next, when I had my own children, determined to break the generational legacy of dysfunction, I instituted some new family rules. We used "inside voices" which were modeled by my husband and me. Outside yelling in play was allowed, but never inside. Profanity was never permitted. In time, my extended family recognized that the family that my husband and I created was "different" and tried (not always successfully) to act in a more civilized manner around us. Finally, for the safety and welfare of my children I finally took the big step and cut myself off entirely from my toxic family.

Only you can decide how big an issue the dysfunction and your fear is. It was a huge issue in my life and always had been.

I can´t move out because I don´t have economic income, I´m studying at college and also I tried to life in a student department but after 5 moths, I had a really severe relapse of depression that took me in a spy ward alog two months. I´m trapped in my house because I don´t feel safe inside or outside so I have no choice because in the only place I felt safe was on the psychiatric but I don´t want to life in and aso I can´t, guess It´s my fault.

 

[Sideways]

Can you get a pair of headphones and have your phone play you white noise or relaxing music? That helps me when I’m in environments where there’s too much sound stimulus.

 

[Friday]

Fear let’s us know something is a possibility. Hearts feel.

Minds reason. How likely the possibility, and what we want to do about it? Is up to us.

I can´t move out because I don´t have economic income,

So this would seem to be the next step; increasing independence.

Breaking impossibly challenging things down into smaller steps? Is just as viable and useful a process as making a leap. So? If dorms are too hard, and work is too hard (right now)? Increasing time away from home. Even half an hour before/after class. Even just meeting up with someone (mentor, tutor, friend) for a few minutes once a month. Even just signing up for an extra credit or extracurricular project. Any little thing, or series of little fhings, that you can add onto, over time. Becoming increasingly confident in your own ability to be & to do. Until you’re doing -easily- what used to be impossible to even think about. Like training for a marathon. You don’t just stand up one day, and run 26 miles. First you start walking. Even half a mile.

 

[SophieBernstein]

Can you get a pair of headphones and have your phone play you white noise or relaxing music? That helps me when I’m in environments where there’s too much sound stimulus.

I have them but sometimes they talk to me and It would be worse If I don't answer them. But I'll combine that with going to another room. It may work, thanks!

 

[Friday]

I have them but sometimes they talk to me and It would be worse If I don't answer them. But I'll combine that with going to another room. It may work, thanks!

Try just one ear.

That means I can FOCUS on the music, but am still able to hear everything around me.