Sara Belle
Sounds like the rational you and the emotional you are now in conflict with which one is going to lead and call the shots.
Emotionally charged chatter,
and the more self-talk needing expression of your fear,
and the insecurity and thinking that went/goes along with this all,
is exactly what wants your attention and what you're listening to, while fearing whether or not to trust again, ......however, apparently it's voice is out of touch with present reality and now stepping in out of context.
It's going to likely do so, now and then, (or more frequently) until you give the little and/or young girl in you, repeated recognition and a heard voice; Though you may not want to take serious all of what in her innocence she is stating is factual, she still deserves your attention and her voice, so please don't reject and abandon this part of you now presently needing your time and energy.
It's very likely that your obsessing and panicking is indeed a non-issue afterall, as it relates to the present. With a faithful, trustworthy and honest man you certainly do not and will not have this issue present now. Sounds like however, the child within you Sara is clamoring, afraid and worn from emotional pain, lonliness and much fear. She deserves someone. You can let that someone be you.
Since you're already feeling powerless right now with how you're thinking and feeling, why don't you find someplace to write about your feelings of the childhood rejection and abandonment you experienced, as well as, those times you may've feared such reoccurring. I know this may be hard, and IMO it does sometimes feel worse before it's any better, but in doing so you can acknowledge and honor the little girl that in your past was harshly rejected and emotionally abandoned. Sara, if you're to do this soon or once again, please know it's a really good idea to make sure others in real time are supportive of you and even better if they know what you're doing.
You may also want to try breathing out all air and then inhale, and do this repeatedly, and replace some of the anxiety with breath and do so until you find some calmness settling in; Perhaps if you're into imagery, envision a bridge of your very own creation, that you approach and walk upon while meeting that little girl at least halfway.
Sara, it sounds like you need to give the all of you some attention and perhaps that part of you, when a young girl, could now deeply benefit from practicing some self-parenting and security in positive self-talk and self-love.
And while, or once you've done this for you, do something(s) small but big in that it's unexpected, kind and specially thoughtful for your husband.
Wishing you well, and wishing you the best in love and courage to maybe practice self-parenting and loving your inner-child(ren) as well.
Take Good Care Sara & Husband
Hope
