Fed up with society

[Digz]

Does anybody else ever get totally fed up with a bunch of middle-class privileged people who profess to understand childhood trauma deeply because of what they've read?
It sometimes makes me so angry. I just think, unless you've been raped or something similar before you reached primary school or are a psych who has worked regularly with trauma survivors, you do no understand what you think you do. And what's worse, you happily ignore survivors who actually do understand on the basis that they must be mentally unstable.

 

[Ronin]

Nah.

Because even that thought isn't exactly correct... as in people raped later in life are survivors too, other trauma than sexual exists, and more to the point people can understand a lot without the experience.

Not as much a line about understanding as tact.

And how to impart support in a way that, to the survivors / vics of trauma, reads as supportive.

But those are different questions to understanding of trauma.

As to Do you get sometimes fed up?
For sure. And subtleties get swept in a judgment lane and :wtf: :stop: Go away.

It may be they overstepped. It may be they are insensitive. It may be they are unprofessional, even. But it may also be I have PTSD and are at the moment sensitive to perceived criticism that reaally isn't there or isn't meant by them.

 

[Movingforward10]

Does anybody else ever get totally fed up with a bunch of middle-class privileged people who profess to understand childhood trauma deeply because of what they've read?
It sometimes makes me so angry. I just think, unless you've been raped or something similar before you reached primary school or are a psych who has worked regularly with trauma survivors, you do no understand what you think you do. And what's worse, you happily ignore survivors who actually do understand on the basis that they must be mentally unstable.

I'm middle class. I'm white. So I'm privileged. But sadly, had childhood trauma and rape.
Is there something more specific? Because lumping a group of people together doesn't allow for the range of experiences in those groups.

Do people misunderstand ? Yes.
Is that painful? Massively and potentially damaging.
But is that a class thing? I don't think so.

But maybe I'm misunderstanding your post?

 

[somerandomguy]

I'm a middle-class privileged person. Even more so - I inhabit the second rung from the top of all privilege, being white, straight, male, and cis too. Only rich white straight cis males are above me on the totem pole of privilege.

It's true that I really don't understand what folks who have experienced CSA are going through. I can only compare it to my own experience of ASA, which I know is not at all the same thing. I think, however, there are a few similarities.

My wife has no, or very little, experience of trauma. It's true that it makes her uncomprehending of a lot of my struggles and sometimes this makes her insensitive. On the other hand, I certainly wouldn't want her to have gone through the hell that I have gone through. I'm glad she is relatively untouched by trauma.

I think there are levels of sensitivity to what we've gone through - a lot like privilege. Some people will always deny the existence of any privilege and claim they got where they are in life completely on their own, and look down on others of lesser life circumstances.. Some will admit privilege but do nothing to address the great power divides. Most people simply don't ever think about it. I understand being angry at people who actively deny the problems CSA causes, but I wonder if that anger is at all useful - and if not, could it be made useful?

 

[Digz]

I guess in some ways I didn't express myself very well. My frustration is probably less about class, but more about people who under-value the opinion of those because they have experienced trauma, because they view them as unstable. I work as a teacher and although I am a survivor who has undergone over a decade of education on trauma and rehabilitation, when it comes to issues of trauma I am so regularly dismissed as someone of knowledge, judged as not possibly being logical because I have experienced it first hand. It frustrates me, because I know there are ways I can help suffering children, but am judged immediately as incapable in this area.

 

[Movingforward10]

Ah! Now I understand better.
And totally get it. Which is why only 5 people in my life know bits of what I've been through. Cause I don't want to or can't deal with that response. So you are clearly braver than I am!

Crappy people are crappy people. Some can learn . Some are just too self absorbed to admit they don't know everything.

Why people don't listen to the voices of those who have experienced things first hand to help inform change/policy/treatment etc etc, is beyond me.

I hope you find a way through and get heard @Digz

 

[Invisible Fire]

My frustration is probably less about class, but more about people who under-value the opinion of those because they have experienced trauma, because they view them as unstable

I understand your frustration. It seems to be on some level that people disregard the opinions of those that have survived trauma. Mental health is not understood on many levels. Someone with a broken leg, we sign their cast and pat them on the back. Someone with trauma we shame and turn our back on because society doesn't understand or want to see that. It disgusts me how people with trauma are treated and mocked. I have a lot of respect for you for being on the front lines and trying to be heard.

 

[Ronin]

Ah, makes sense @Digz...

Honestly, IF I need to be engaging in that conversation, I would shift the conversation away from emotional aspects of it.

As in you have a wide range of very hands on experience in treating this or that trauma issue.

That are something you know how to deal with, they may not, and can be easily proved by practice oriented scenarios so.

So if it's a case of You wanna dismiss me?
Miight be useful to show them instead *they* are in the lack... and on top of it fail learning from a knowledgeable asset like you. :tup:

 

[whiteraven]

I am just generally fed up and disgusted with society. In terms of mental health, I have little tolerance for people who claim to understand what I'm going through and tell me to push through it or choose happiness.

I am white, middle-class, and so likely in many people's minds, privileged. I know that a great many of us have dealt with rape and childhood abuse; I don't single any class out because abuse *knows* no class. And we really have no idea what's going on with others. Everyone experiences and reacts to trauma differently.

I just think, unless you've been raped or something similar before you reached primary school or are a psych who has worked regularly with trauma survivors, you do no understand what you think you do.

I would strongly argue the notion that psychologists or psychiatrists actually *understand.* Unless they also have experienced trauma, they can only hear what others tell them.

 

[Friday]

I’m in and out of hating people -as a species, everyone can just f*ck right off- right at the moment.

Which I’ve learned is just me getting increasingly symptomatic. And needs to be treated, as such, rather than something I take seriously. A warning sign, rather than a real thing to invest in, much less action.

I have middling/good REASON to be getting a symptom spike, right now... I have both good and bad stressors piling on, without the means to really be able to moderate my stress downwards in a consistent kind of way. But since I can mod it to some degree? And I’ve been doing this long enough to be able to recognize most of my patterns? I can also watch it happening, rather than just kicking into it. Which is both kinda cool, and obnoxious as hell.

In my early years of dealing with this disorder? I absolutely did take this mindset seriously. And I walked. f*ck people. f*ck the world. Good f*cking bye. <<< And I took my happy ass back country. In the moment is was a “forever” kind of thing, but in practice I was usually fine again in a few months.

The biggest tell, for me, is the inherent laziness that takes over. Rather than exercising my judgement to evaluate each man by the content of their character, and situation by its own merit? I start making sweeping generalizations, so I don’t actually have to THINK. Because I can’t actually think, in that moment. So I group people together in blocks where individuals don’t matter. The. I label those blocks, to keep track of them. (You can find both generalizing, and labeling, in Cognitive distortions... as well as this next one ;)). EVERYTHING simplifies. Becomes very black & white, all or nothing, this or that, good or bad.

When generalizing, labelling, & all or nothing thinking creep -or thunder- into my life, I know I’m in for a bad run.

I also know it’s bullshit.

But that doesn’t matter a whole helluva lot, because it’s my emotions in charge. And emotions don’t logic so well.

Where it DOES matter is recognizing I’m doing it... so I can pull up, check myself, and double down on managing my own stress and my own symptoms.

I OFTEN do this by isolating... used as a tool, a far different creature than my saying “f*ck the world” and striking off for parts unknown... although I sometimes challenge myself (like now) to still interact with people in a limited fashion.

But regardless of HOW I manage/moderate my stress and symptoms? Kicking into cognitive distortions as a means to function is one of my best early warning signs that my functionality is on the ropes.

 

[somerandomguy]

Unless they also have experienced trauma, they can only hear what others tell them.

That's enough for some people. Some women see male gynecologists; some men see female urologists.

 

[whiteraven]

n my early years of dealing with this disorder? I absolutely did take this mindset seriously. And I walked. f*ck people. f*ck the world. Good f*cking bye. <<< And I took my happy ass back country. In the moment is was a “forever” kind of thing, but in practice I was usually fine again in a few months.

I get this. For me, though, it's been a forever thing for years. It has its worse moments, but it's generally just a thing with me.

The biggest tell, for me, is the inherent laziness that takes over. Rather than exercising my judgement to evaluate each man by the content of their character, and situation by its own merit? I start making sweeping generalizations, so I don’t actually have to THINK.

Yeah, see...I used to do this, but when it happens now, I notice it. I spend a lot of time trying to understand and look at each situation. I think I have given people the benefit of the doubt way too much in life, looking at behaviors has a product of being human. Some people are just shit, they can't be trusted, and in trusting them in the past, I have been hurt.

hat's enough for some people. Some women see male gynecologists; some men see female urologists.

It's enough to make them sympathetic. But for someone to really *get* it, they have to experience it. I just can't give "professionals" a pass simply because they've read about and studied stuff.

And not just in relation to trauma - can't tell you how many times a mother has told me I have absolutely no business saying anything about kids because I don't have any and could never understand what it's like because of that.