Feel Like Its Getting Worse.

[SwordsPandaGirl]

Sorry if this is posted in the wrong place, please feel free to move it.

I' m having nightmares every night, every time I try to sleep, flashbacks practically every day. Crying all the time, crying when I finally get the courage to leave my house and in public (which is a huge deal for me because in my mind it makes me weak). I can't seem to keep food down, every time I eat I feel sick and then throw up. I can't stop my mind from going to all these dark places and it is driving me crazy! I feel like I'm going to be attacked at any second and those close to me cannot be trusted. I know it is all in my head but it is getting worse day by day and I feel like I am drowning within myself.

It doesn't help that I have been out of therapy for almost a month now as I cannot afford one right now and will not be able to see one till August....

I am desperate for help! Not only can I not control my flashbacks, I can't control anything in my life right now. Daily tasks are a struggle and most of the times non-existence. I'm more scared than ever of people right now. I don't want them around me and especially don't want to be in the presence of men (sorry I don't mean to offend any men reading, it is from my trauma) .

I need a break but can't stop it :( Sorry for the rant but I feel im getting worse and worse everyday :(

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Breathe. Make your environment as safe as possible for you. Distract yourself with anything that you can get escape from what is happening to you now.

Get into some soft comfortable clothes. Try to eat some kind of food that usually comforts you. Cal a crises hot line for help and support.

Breathe again. Call your old therapist if you are able to. You need emergency self care right now.

Do you have any kind of healthy outside support you can reach out to?

This is all I can come up with. It does get worse before it gets better and that is a fact. I am so sad for you right now I wish I could be there for you now. I remember curling into a ball of fear in my closet. I remember being anxiety ridden.

I remember it all. I reached out for help on a crises hot line, did not really help me all that much but at least I had contact with a real human being.

You did not get this way overnight and your healing and recovery takes a long time as you learn and grow and get rid of the false beliefs. You have a long road ahead of you.

If you have a pet or a cuddly stuffed animal cuddle that.

This will pass and you will have moments of relief. And then you will feel bad again. It is a journey and you are very brave and courageous for doing it.

Here is a great big hug. I feel so impotent to really help you. You have you to try and take care of yourself. Go back to bed and sleep if you can.

If none of these work please toss what I just said. These things have helped me but it was really so hard for me to try to talk myself into meeting my needs and wants.

I wish you the best. Please PM me if you need to vent and I will listen.

 

[Chava]

ditto Gizmo. I don't have much to add but sorry to hear it's so hard right now. Are there safe ways to express some of the feelings? Writing, drawing, moving? I agree with idea of making your space a beautiful, safe sanctuary. I've gone through periods when it was hard to be around people. And other times it's better. I keep understanding my boundaries and needs a little better as I go...and try to stay focused on what I need in the present...with a goal of eventually improving some connections to others. But when stressed I always retreat...I'm just trying to make it a safe retreat, and sometimes even enjoyable (started painting and I love it...a beautiful kind of solitude)...hang in there...