Feel Uncomfortable Looking Into Peoples Eyes

[girlwithwings]

I feel the same way...I feel like I can see things I don't want to in others as well I don't want people to see me and what I have been through because I think if they do they just see the darkness, and I wish I could say "that's not me, it's what I've lived through" but I don't feel anyone would want to know about that either so I just look away from everyone. If someone really does see me clearly it astounds me. You're not alone in your aloneness.

 

[Dougal]

I try and pick a spot near the eyes so that it doesn't appear so obvious that I am actually not looking. That spot right between the eyebrows or just under the nose is a favourite. I've observed too that most people don't maintain their gaze for very long. Generally we all glance back and forth every few seconds. And I agree, it gets easier over time.
CM

 

[Nishkaa]

I've kept my hair long enough to hide my face when I need to. It was particularly intense for me in highschool.

I think it was 'carried-shame" connected, and I realize now, that shame doesn't belong to me and I have equal rights as others. I've often felt like I was "sub-human", "not of this planet" even.

What helped me was that I had a chance to do some brief group work among other survivors of a particular kind of abuse I've suffered-- that group helped me feel so much better, that I wasn't alone-- the wow, of other people feeling like I do.

I learnt from the ease of accepting and caring about others and through this safe space of being able to express honestly, things I've kept hidden from others-- it just had an almost 'magical' effect on me. It made it so much easier then to begin to practice bringing that care of others, the compassion I felt for others there, to bring it back to myself.

These people in this group as well were able to mirror compassion and care towards me, and it was in the healing exchange of person-to-person and it really helped to heal. To know with certaintly that: We are Worthy, I am Worthy. That group work was truly transformative for me. It took time to trust and to adjust, but the result was amazing.

I felt when I was young, I could see hatred mirrored by my mother to me, and it had nothing to do with me, it was all her, all her issues-- I was just there to receive her anger, hatred, etc. I later had experiences where others mirrored love, compassion, understanding-- incredibly healing. I had an amazing professor once, who reflected this to me (and this was at the beginning of my ptsd, so I was really at my worst)-- and that experience was so unusual, it actually was a 'spiritual experience', by St. Ignatius criterion! The grace of a kind-hearted and wise person who was safe, and present-- something I had not experienced before-- it was quite magical and deeply appreciated, on such a deep soul-level even. I felt a child within, bubble up within me. It was joy and an incredible relief, uplifting. It's been hard, cause other experiences, I was suceptible to exploitation, by men, etc.-- so this safe man, was such an amazing experience for me.

I have no doubt you deserve this too, we all do.

Kind Regards,
~Nishkaa

 

[stuff]

This is the first year I've really been able to make eye contact with people. It's really changed my world. I still have a hard time every once in a while, especially with men who have blue eyes. (I survived attempted murder when I was fifteen, and my strongest memory is of the guy's blue eyes.) My therapist and I did a lot of EMDR work with eyes, and my being able to make eye contact. It was hard work, but I think it's really paid off. Blue eyes aren't an instant trigger for me anymore. It's a relief.

 

[macelia]

I feel both vulnerable and exposed when I look a person in the eye. So I look away. Then I feel ashamed for looking away. So I look back. Then I feel vulnerable and exposed....

 

[LSNP]

Looking into anybody's eyes for a long period of time, with no relief, is difficult. In fact, a trait of a psychopath is the ability to do so for extended periods of time without flinching. So... :-) Perhaps this means you are not a psychopath. That's a good thing, No?

 

[NIKI]

Yes, that's a very good thing!!!!!! LOL NIKI

 

[Radu]

In response to the initial post. I had the same symptoms. It happened to me after I got separated from my ex-wife. From that moment, I was feeling a strong emotion and discomfort when I was talking and looking to someone. With time, and some other life experiences, I grew very self confident. Now, I realized that it's rather my look that makes most of my interlocutors feeling uncomfortable, probably my looks are rather piercing without me intending to do so. The most self confident the person is, the easier is to keep eye contact. I think eye contact is much a matter of inner peace.

 

[Chincho]

I find it very difficult to look into other people's eyes when we talk. It feels as though they could read into me and that makes me feel vulnerable. I make an effort to glance at the other person's eyes every minute or so to be polite.

 

[Bigz]

Hi guys. I have a different but almost the same case. what do you think is the reason why I really don't feel looking at myself in the mirror and looking at others in the eyes? I really find it hard.