Feeling aggressive

[Justmehere]

Also, don’t discount the fact that with new baby comes rushes of hormones doin’ their thang.

^^^ This. Dead Link Removed. It’s not talked about as much as postpartum depression, but it’s a real phenomenon.

 

[Sideways]

He was trained very successfully to not go into the kitchen.

Potentially all rules are out the window atm, and doggo may test all of them to see where the new boundaries are.

The suggestion of baby gates is an excellent one. Being a disability pensioner? I can’t afford endless baby gates. I went to Bunnings and bought a few sheets of MDF, which I got them to cut to the size of a doorway, and then I use really heavy stuff (my dog is only 6kgs) to hold them against doorways when I need to keep doggo out of an area. That’s a solution will cost you around $10 and a lot of heavy books and spare bricks and stuff.

For a person with ptsd? There’s a point where excuses for keeping the status quo need to be put aside and you need to say, “Ok, I’m no longer coping, this situation needs to change”. For me? Hitting my dog would absolutely motivate me to accept its time to make real change because I’m not okay with me doing that.

So talk to hubby. He loves Arthur, but assuming he loves you and the bub as well, and this situation is new to both of you. You thought it would work with Arthur when you bought bub home, but it turns out that’s not the case. I think hubby will understand, you have too much on your plate.

 

[grit]

No matter how we dissect this if you are hurting the dog and you are unable to take care of him, he is better off at shelter. I'm sorry but cruelty toward living thing especially when you are aware of is heart breaking. Choose your life and the child and let this poor dog find another home.

 

[Kubash16]

No matter how we dissect this if you are hurting the dog and you are unable to take care of him, he is better off at shelter. I'm sorry but cruelty toward living thing especially when you are aware of is heart breaking. Choose your life and the child and let this poor dog find another home.

As stated earlier, she’s very aware this is the reality and there’s no need to shame her for it. She gets it, that’s why she’s trying to fix it.

 

[joeylittle]

I've been chatting to my parents about it today. My mum has just has just driven 3 hours to come get him today until the end of the week! So I have at least 5 days dog-free. Maybe when my meds have kicked in properly and I've had a few days to bond with baby unhindered I will feel differently about Arthur and our situation, but at least the stress has been reduced for a wee while.

I'm quoting this, to underscore it. OP, I hope things are going better for you this week, and that you've perhaps had a chance to talk more with your husband.

Let us know how it's going.

 

[Pale Mpress Kitty]

I'd like to actually thank everyone for their advice and suggestions. There were certainly some things here that I hadn't considered.

I'm feeling quite different about Arthur now that I've had time to cool down and adjust to an increase in dosage. He really is an amazing dog. So gentle and calm around the baby and a real snuggler. I think the incident that sparked this post off really was just the straw that broke the camels back, you know?

My husband and I have been talking about a few courses of action that we're going to impliment as soon as we get him home:

• Further dog-proofing the yard and getting him a warm jacket so that he can spend more time outside (it's winter here at the moment).
• Looking into our baby gate/fence options and the cheapest/most effective way of blocking off the kitchen. It's a challenge at the moment because we have an open plan kitchen/dining/lounge. We do have a few handymen in the family though, so I'm enlisting their help for making our own plans.
• Getting more/new doggy puzzle toys to get his mind working. Boredom busters.
• Getting him to a different vet for another opinion about his allergies and what to do about the allergic reaction.
• Getting him on anallergenic dog food not hypoallergenic to see if that also helps.
• We're looking into payment plans with a local dog trainer and with the vet to lessen the immediate financial burden.
• Discussing with dog trainer about training walks that I could go along with to get Arthur walking nicely next to the pram instead of pulling. As soon as he doesn't pull, i'll be able to take him out more.
• Moving the cat's food into an unreachable (for dog) location.
• And lastly, we're looking at finance to get a dishwasher so we can rinse and put dishes in a space he can't lick them clean.

I've also had a semi-emergency session with my therapist. We're increasing the dosage of my meds and taking an additional one short term as she believes I have post-natal depression, which isn't helping anything. She also suspects that me hitting Arthur was during the heat of a panic attack which makes sense when compared to my other panic attacks.

Beorn has been doing super well, and nearly sleeping through the night already. It's been good being able to spend time relaxing with baby without having to think about when the dog was last medication or let out for a toilet break etc. I've even been able to get some writing and drawing done.

Overall I'm tentatively positive about life at the moment. It's still very overwhelming, but I feel better for having a bit of a plan of action and for knowing my husband is supporting me and the baby first and foremost.

 

[Justmehere]

Great plan! Way to go!

 

[Sideways]

Love that plan! I hope it feels good - it sounds like your T and hubby are both switched on and ready to help.

The canine enrichment stuff I can’t recommend enough. The FB group is excellent, but it has become a thing of its own in the last couple of years especially and it does amazing things for the relationship between you and doggo.

Hopefully the trainer will be able to give you some rock solid advice about keeping bub safe when you’re up to him crawling around and getting curious.

For what it’s worth, the couple of people I know personally who have had treatment for their post-natal depression, like you’re now getting? It worked really well and made a huge difference for them. So hopefully it will be the same for you:)

 

[Starfire]

So, I don't really know what to do or how to help myself and our dog Arthur.

Ever since I got pregnant Arthur has stopped listening to our commands and is generally being extremely naughty. We've been home for 3 and half weeks now with baby, and Arthur is even worse. He's also got an ear and skin infection from allergies I'm trying to treat by giving him medoication morning, lunch, and afternoon. This was difficult enough for me before getting pregnant and taking meds, let alone now being a first time mum with a 1month old and just being able to take my meds again.

My problem is, is that I never really wanted Arthur in the first place and have been disheartened and annoyed at how expensive he is with his recurring ear infection (he's costing us $500+ NZD a month).

Now I'm finding myself feeling very aggressive towards him and am finding myself hitting him when he does bad things. Like earlier (10min ago) he looked at me then actively walked into the kitchen (his no-go space since he was a puppy) and helped himself to food from on the bench. Food he's allergic to. I heard and watched him go in, annd followed him, so when he gulped down the food I slapped his rump hard enough my hand stung and dragged him by the collar to his crate, threw him in, and slammed the crate door shut before kicking it in anger twice.

And to top it all off, I had 2 fairly lucid dreams of poisoning/killing him because I can't deal with his shitty behaviour and a newborn at home alone. He's too strong for me to take for walks and he pulls. He's stealing food from the kitchen, pantry, and the cat's food which makes trying to fix his ear and skin infection pointless. I'm just at my wits end and really REALLY don't like feeling aggressive towards my dog.

I'm concerned and terrified that I might actually do something worse to him than hit him or that I might turn to do this to my son.

UPDATE from OP, POST #11:


ADMIN NOTE: Read the whole thread before commenting. Focus on the OP.

Unlocking.

I'm a professional dog trainer. My first response is to rehome him. Not the pound. If you have someone you know great. If not check with your Vet. He may know someone or be willing to post info on his website. Post a notice in his office & the techs can spread the word also. If you are on Facebook spread the word there. Ask Facebook friends to share.There is someone looking for a pup just like him!

 

[Mytime]

Are you aware, you can give your dog over the counter allergy meds.
( Claritin or Benadryl ) you can ask your vet which one would be best for your dog and the right dose do to his weight. They’re given twice daily. You can also get generic from your pharmacist Or online, which is much cheaper, changing his food to grain free and only two ingredients food. It sounds like your husband has long days and I’m sure he’s tired when he gets home. But he also has a responsibility for the dog too. It has to be a partnership, just like parenting. If he could give the dog a half hour, 20 of play time before he has to leave for work would help release some energy, also him giving the first med dose . The hole family going for a walk after dinner and working with the dog at walking better. Dogs are pack animals, he needs an alpha for guidance, to know where he stands in the pack. Which is at the bottom.
No sleeping on your bed, you, baby, husband leaving and reentering the home first and then him. When walking with him, he is always beside you, never in front of you or holding his leash. You can start establishing alpha the first day he comes back from your mothers. Make it a new beginning for you all. Have lots of toys and toys that make him work to get treats out. Educate yourself on his breed, it can give you lots of insight on his needs. My little girl is a whippet and I learned so much about her, just by educating myself. Wishing you the best of luck with your fur baby.

 

[Sideways]

No sleeping on your bed, you, baby, husband leaving and reentering the home first and then him. When walking with him, he is always beside you, never in front of you or holding his leash. You can start establishing alpha the first day he comes back from your mothers.

This dominance theory stuff was thoroughly debunked several decades ago now. A good article that explains where Dominance Theory came from, and why animal behaviourists now use a very different approach is:
Dominance theory outdated

Recommendations like walking in front of your dog through the door, not letting doggo sleep on the bed or couch, etc, are actually just theoretical assumptions extrapolated from dominance theory.

In fact, dogs seem to sleep on top of each other (and us) as a safety and warmth measure, and it has been shown to help reduce your blood pressure if your dog sleeps on you (see Deep Pressure Therapy).

Most importantly, there is no evidence at all that establishing oneself as “Alpha” will make the home safer for bub. There is evidence that it will increase doggo’s stress levels (which can be tested by measuring cortisol levels in their saliva), but even if the OP were to persuade her dog “I’m boss”, there is no evidence that would flow on to make the dog less stressed or anxious around bub, or less likely to snap at bub if dog feels confused/stressed/threatened/anxious.

 

[Mach123]

OP realizes there’s a problem with the reaction.

Offering good advice on maybe how to prevent or train situation is useful.

Telling them not to hit the dog is not. They already know that.

This thread will NOT turn into a shaming thread.

There have been several fantastic ideas for OP to try. Unless you have additional suggestions that do not include chastising the OP, keep it to yourself.

Agree a thousand % besides, she didn't do a single thing wrong. Hit him with the newspaper next time, the noise scares him and you'll save the wear and tear on your hand, plus it won't hurt him.

Remember it's the baby and you and your husband not necessarily in that order that matter.

Hope it works out for everyone.