Feeling Alone And Distracted

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I am feeling quite alone today. I am alone except for my cat right now. My boys are sleeping and my husband is in the basement working. I am trying to do work, but I can't focus. I just feel so alone. The drizzle outside is haunting me- reminding me of times I'd rather not remember. I don't want to be alone but I feel so separate from any other person I know. No one really understands and I really want to talk to someone. I don't feel like I can reach out to anyone at the moment. Each time I think of someone, I come up with a reason why I can't talk to them. So I am left feeling alone and dwelling on my thoughts.

 

[Hope4Now]

Hi JEK. I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. The weather where I am is dreary too. Has been for days. I'm glad you've reached out on the Forum. Sometimes this is the only place where there are people who kind of get it. I hope you can do something nice for yourself. Peace.

 

[RussH]

Hi J,
So it is raining there also? We are getting drenched here. I am sorry you are feeling so alone

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Thanks, @Hope4Now . I am stuck trying to get lessons planned so I don't get more stressed out during the week. But it's been a growing sense of alone-ness recently. I kept telling myself that I would do better this year around anniversary time, but so far I feel like I am losing that battle and have no one to talk to about it.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

So it is raining there also?

Not raining yet, just misty. It shouldn't be long before the rain comes though.

 

[RussH]

We have had a steady rain since yesterday. It is a dreary, cold, in the 40's, kind of a day. just yuck!

 

[Hope4Now]

Ugh. Lesson plans. You're smart to try to get it done ahead, but (having been a teacher for 20+ years) I always battled against all the extra work hours beyond the work week! I get the lonelies a lot, even though I'm around people much of the time. I understand.

What do I do? I troll the forum...I mess around on facebook...I take myself to the local Irish pub and listen to people I know belt out ballads...I listen to a lot of music looking for things that resonate with me and make me feel not-so-alone in my sadness/upset/chaos...I write/draw/paint/make things. I also do metta meditation which helps a lot (you can google it...it's also called lovingkindness meditation). Mostly I wait for it to pass, and it does eventually, until it comes back again.

The other day, I took myself out in the rain and walked. Got soaked. Jumped in some puddles. It was kind of fun. I let myself just BE lonely and tried to let the rain wash some of it away. There's a lot to be said for going puddle jumping. :)

Peace.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

You're smart to try to get it done ahead, but (having been a teacher for 20+ years) I always battled against all the extra work hours beyond the work week!

I have to do all my planning on the weekends or during the school week now. I can't focus at night. I am too wound up or exhausted from surviving the day.

I have been trolling the forum and scrolling through Facebook as well. Just gave my cousin way more information that she asked for in her post wondering about which car seat to look into buying. Poor girl is probably more confused now!

Puddle jumping almost sounds fun if I had boots. I hate wet feet. Thanks again for your responses.

 

[passerine]

It's been raining for days where I am, too! I don't mind so much, as I find it rather cozy and a good excuse to stay inside and snuggle with the animals all day and do some rainy day activities.

I totally get what you mean when you say you don't want to be alone but feel so separate from everybody you know. I feel that way all the time -- completely isolated and alone, but unable to reach out as much as I want and need companionship. It's hard. And it might seem like a small step, but it's a step nonetheless, to connect with people over the internet. I'm really glad that you found your way to the forum today.

I hope you are able to get most of your lesson planning done before it gets too late, and that you're able to connect with your family tonight.

 

[Seasounds]

It is not raining here, yet. When it does, it sure does affect my internal climate.
Sorry, for your loneliness. It is such a vulnerable and honest expression, as is your exhaustion. Work can take all the vibrancy out of my step, too. I feel that I need at least 1 day to recover, and can feel in a world of my own, when I am in those blues. In that way, you have let me know that I am not alone.

I have just recently found the ability to verbalize 'loneliness'. For me, it comes when I don't have any distracting tensions, want the soothing company of others-when they are busy doing other things, and/or merely want another person to be interested in me. Know that you are not alone.

In such times, I either rest, come to connect to others on the internet, or do something pleasurable-listen to an audio recording of a story/novel, listen to music, take a walk. Have an easy evening.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I am still doing work this evening. My husband and I cooked dinner and we had a nice family dinner. I was pretty nauseous as has become the norm for me lately now that I am in high anxiety mode, but I made it through. My husband is a teacher, too, so he is busy grading. I hate the feeling of being lonely because then I start to go to darker places like thinking no one loves me or needs me. I am going to turn on some music and hope that listening to that will help.