Feeling Alone & Want To Quit Therapy

[Deleted member 48341]

So I’m in therapy right now for my eating disorder and we have started to talk about my trauma.....

I’ve repressed mostly all of it so I’m not 100% sure of exactly what happened but so far..... my mom might of had sex with me. She is a covert narcissist and I feel like escaping everyday but I can’t. When I’m in a vulnerable place she gets “too close” to me with no boundaries and when I try to draw boundaries she threatens to stop paying for my doctors and therapy when I start becoming to independent. She invalidates everything and is emotionally absent. She doesn’t love me all the time. Only when I’m good.

My aunt could have sexually abused me and might of gotten her boyfriend to hurt me. My aunt makes me feel so hurt and betrayed and she has a smirk on her face when I’m in pain. She wouldn’t mind if I were dead.

So I feel really alone. I tried telling my doctor today about my mom and she told me that I am not allowed to say that my mom should have never been a mother and that she loves me in her own sick way.

I got really triggered and I have just given up asking for help. Because nobody sees what I go through everyday!!!!!

I called my therapist today and told her that she can give away my appointment to someone else and that I’m fine and don’t need to see her anymore and that I was just being paronoid about my family.

I’m too scared to face the past. I’m tired of people telling me my mom loves and cares about me. I’m tired of living like this but I am not strong enough to face this. I quit therapy and I’m sad bc I really liked my therapist. It just hurts to see her every week and realize that I’m never going to get someone to listen and understand me like she does.

The only problem is I am hurting so badly and I don’t know if my anorexia will get better if I choose to run away and avoid my past hurts. Ugh

 

[Friday]

One thing I’ve found is that asking the right people for help is pretty key. Also a lot harder than it sounds.

It’s really common to have a moment where you reach out to someone you think should be able to help you, but they can’t, so then one cancels appointments with the people who probably can help.

It’s like asking an electrician for help with a plumbing problem (hey, you fix houses, right?), but when the electrician can’t help or gives bad advice because it’s really not their area, cancelling the appointment with the plumber.

It FEELS right, in the moment, but then on paper it’s just like :facepalm: Whoops.

 

[bellbird]

Agreed^

I've battled anorexia (and bulimia) on and off (mostly on... sometimes very on) over the past 4 years.
I'm now over 6 months in remission from both.
Though I was in therapy the whole time, the person who was the most instrumental in my ED recovery was my dietician.

I was very resistant to seeing a dietician initially, but I am so so glad that I did.
As great as my T was, she just wasn't the best person to help with that specific area.

You deserve the chance to know what recovery feels like, and trust me: even though your ED brain will tell you that it is helping you cope with PTSD, it really isn't. Coping with PTSD has become much less difficult now that my body and brain are actually getting nutrition.
Don't rob yourself of that chance by letting this setback discourage you completely.

 

[Gs172003]

I have battled eating disorders of one kind of another for most of my adult life. Do what you need to do to deal with it. The disorder will only get worse and you won't even notice.

 

[Justmehere]

So I’m in therapy right now for my eating disorder and we have started to talk about my trauma.....

Talking about trauma often leads to symptom spikes... like wanting to bolt to feel safer. It's the flight part of fight or flight. Many people bolt from therapy because they don't want to face the trauma. Many change their mind and come back when they are ready.

So I feel really alone. I tried telling my doctor today about my mom and she told me that I am not allowed to say that my mom should have never been a mother and that she loves me in her own sick way.

Well. That's screwed up. It can hurt a lot to risk to be vulnerable about a concern and get a dumb response from a doctor back.

But is your doctor your therapist? You ruled out the doc as someone who will be helpful about the concerns about your family. But that doesn't mean EVERYONE needs to be ruled out. Your therapist may even be able to help with the idiot doc.