Feeling Alone

[Deleted member 1860]

WOW.

I wasn't expecting that response!

Reds is considering contacting her old lover/therapist and we're supposed to believe she's fully invested in this relationship?!? (Yes, I read other threads and comment on more than what is currently in front of me.)

Ah, no, I don't believe she is. As such, I don't see her as the righteous one in the relationship who should get only what she wants while ignoring the needs and wants of her partner.

I don't get why I'm constantly slammed for expressing my opinion and told that I'm biased due to past experiences. NEWS FLASH! Everyone is biased due to past experiences! And no, I've never been in a long distance relationship or anything even close to this situation so no, no personal bias. Perhaps I just see the more practical side of things. Love doesn't conquer all. I don't believe it's all roses and no, I wouldn't give up my entire life for a relationship. It's a personal decision.

How do you all not know that he didn't say all of that in that way simply because he is angry, hurt, and knows he can't move. Noooo, he's automatically a passive aggressive arse who won't follow her to the ends of the earth.

You told me to ignore you, so now I shall. Peace to you all on this fine holiday!

 

[NukaGirl]

Sometimes people say things they truly don't mean. Imagine if you just got told that your partner had a job offer in another country, and you couldn't go with them. I'm willing to bet you'd be very upset too. I've been in long distance relationships. It's incredibly difficult for both parties involved.Instead of jumping to conclusions, take a step back and a deep breath.

Reds, have you spoken to your boyfriend about this beyond what his reaction was? Have you asked him why it would mean the end of the relationship? Talk to him. Try and work it out before you give up completely.

 

[Reds]

The relationship with my ex t was about 6yrs ago and yes I am not the righteous one because I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years and he still doesn't know about what happened with my ex t (let he who is without sin cast the first stone)
My partner has worked in a different country for a year and I supported him, we kept the relationship going through phones and email. I could not go visit him as he was too far on the other end of the world.

I also feel like he is being emotionally abusive and that there are better ways this could have been discussed. He said his say and left without me giving my input. Maybe he is afraid of losing me. I do not know as he does not want to give me a chance to a fair discussion.

@RushH, to answer your questions yes he does love me and he has a great job and businesses, so finances are not a problem with him. I have not decided what I will do, but a big part of me says I should live and if the relationship dies then be it.

He is a great guy but always wants things done his way. Not being in control makes him an ugly person and I am partly to blame because I have let him have control on everything as I am afraid of his reactions when not in control.

 

[gone]

Wow, Reds, this seems heartbreaking. It also seems like the place where as grownups we try to do that difficult thing called compromise. Is your partner open at all to the idea of some sort of compromise?

 

[nursenurse]

Reds, no long dissertation. Go for what will make you happy. If that means the new job, then go for it, go through the crack in the door, and don't look back. Hugs and prayers your way.

 

[Blue Survivor]

This sounds like a tough decision. But I have to wonder if your partner makes threats like this often. "If you do x, the consequence is y" sounds a lot like a controlling statement to me, especially since you mentioned he is your only support system. In my experience, abusers isolate you so that you are only dependent on that person. It sounds like he is threatened by your upcoming success. I am not judging, only trying to use my own experience to prevent someone else from having to suffer.

 

[Bluerose]

This is going to sound really trivial but give it a chance. Toss a coin heads you go tails you stay.
Now wait! It’s not about whether the coin turned up heads or tails.

It’s more to do with how you felt inside, in your gut, at the result. You can trust that because something in you already knows the answer.

Do you trust your own instincts and intuition?