Feeling Annoyed With Therapist

[Can79]

I've been seeing my therapist for about a year now. On the whole I find therapy useful in helping me cope with feelings regarding my trauma, there have been several occasions where my therapist has said something which makes me doubt their competence/trustworthiness.

For instance, in my last therapy session we were discussing my current dissatisfaction with my relationship and how I wished that my partner and I would spend more time together. Overall my partner treats me very well and I have never said anything to my therapist to suggest an abusive/unhealthy relationship however I get the impression that he doesn't approve of my partner.

As I was leaving, my therapist asked if I had any plans for the weekend in a casual chit chat type way. and I said that I was hoping to spend Saturday with my partner and perhaps go for lunch and a walk in the countryside and my therapist's flippant response was 'I'm sure he will come up with an excuse to get out of that'.

I laughed the comment off, but actually found this quite hurtful and unprofessional however I'm sure if I mention it in my next therapy session he will say that I really feel annoyed with my partner and I am projecting it onto him or some other psychobabble like that.

Also, my other concern is that I have mentioned to him on a couple of occasions that I have felt very depressed and had suicidal thoughts (and have a suicide plan for if things got unbearable). I felt that he didn't take these seriously - I was expecting him to perhaps provide me with some crisis line phone numbers to call if I ever felt that way again, or to suggest I visit my GP to discuss the possibility of going onto anti depressants. However he just told me that suicidal feelings always pass and I just need to focus on getting through the moment.

I think my worry is whether I can trust him or not and if he really knows what he is doing.

 

[AS6855]

If you are not totally satisfied with your therapist you can always get another one.

 

[mrsps]

'I'm sure he will come up with an excuse to get out of that'.

ouch, Id be pissed off with that comment too!

 

[ghotiff]

When I told my first T about my suicidal thoughts she spent maybe 5 seconds saying thats interesting/normal (or something similar) and took a note in her paperwork....and that was that.

When I told my current T about my suicidal thoughts she spent at least 5minutes (probably more) asking very gently for futher details, how often, how extreme etc. She also discussed that she would like to discuss them at each visit and asked if I was comfortable with that. She also comforted me and I'm not sure what she said, but basically she told me that she understood that those thoughts are distressing to have. A few appointments later she suggest trying medication (which has worked brilliantly for me).

I'm hoping that the comparison in those two responses lets you fit your T's response somewhere. I needed my current T (hence part of why I'm not with my first T).

 

[BlueOrange]

Nobody (not even therapists) is perfect. The thing about your partner seems pretty disappointing, but might not be a big deal. The lack of attention to the suicidal thoughts shows a lack of investigation into an important safety issue, and for me, that's a big deal.

Trust doesn't have to be all-or-nothing, but even so... I'd probably go shopping for someone else.

 

[anthony]

but actually found this quite hurtful and unprofessional

I concur... that is hurtful and unprofessional. Every relationship has issues and incompatibilities to some degree, but it doesn't make either person bad, at fault or the relationship toxic.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Eh, I'm worried at the "suicidal feelings always pass" bit. Uhm, no they don't, or else nobody would ever actually attempt or commit suicide. This is incredibly unprofessional on his part, as you were reaching out for help and were essentially turned away. Regardless of the partner comment, I'd be looking for a new therapist based on this interaction alone.

 

[ghotiff]

Eh, I'm worried at the "suicidal feelings always pass" bit. Uhm, no they don't, or else nobody would ever actually attempt or commit suicide.

When I said to my first T that I don't believe that "God never gives you more than you can handle" because if that was true then people wouldn't commit suicide. She responded that people don't if they are supported by therapy. I didn't agree with her at the time, but I accepted that she knew more than me. Learning more, I still disagree and believe that a T's approach to suicidal thoughts is really important.

 

[greenleaf]

I'd definitely get a different therapist, hopefully with a trauma focus. Not only is the suicidality discussion an important safety issue, but it's messing with your trust of this T, as are other things -- sounds like. WIthout trust, the T is useless for you. Plus they are not helping you with additional really important things like how to deal with why you might be feeling suicidal etc. I know it's hard to switch but this is a paid professional, not a friend you're letting down by leaving or anything.

 

[Momofthree]

Trust is key, your T can't help you if you don't trust them. All the other red flags aside (and I would say there are plenty) if you don't trust them you need to go shopping for a new one.

 

[BloomInWinter]

If you don't like the comment, I'd suggest you talk to your therapist about it. It is a therapist's job to point out things in our life which are not helpful to our emotional health. If there is no truth at all to the comment, you might ask your therapist where he got the idea your partner might do that to you.

Therapists aren't perfect. They will make mistakes. But we can learn a lot about ourselves by discussing it with them.

 

[Tinyflame]

..in my last therapy session we were discussing my current dissatisfaction with my relationship and how I wished that my partner and I would spend more time together.

..Overall my partner treats me very well and I have never said anything to my therapist to suggest an abusive/unhealthy relationship however I get the impression that he doesn't approve of my partner.

Maybe the first part is why he said it? Have you mentioned your partner cancels or doesn't make time for you?

The second part may or may not be true, but for all of it I guess you can only ask or say how you feel, or figure out why it bothered you & say so (ie loyalty to your partner, feeling it's been misrepresented, etc). Then decide what to do.

Best wishes.