Feeling awful for being unable to work

[InsertCoinsHere]

I feel so stressed and shame filled by the fact I’m not working. I feel the bar is set so high... ‘be a part-time marketer’ people recommend (my degree is in it and I’d like it) yet I can barely form a coherent sentence.

I really dislike this disorder, I truly dislike its affect on cognitive abilities, overall energy, motivation and distrust. I’m not sure how long I can go on without being an active part of society... I need to do something, everyone is losing patience with me. I don’t know how to explain how debilitated I feel... to be around people whilst learning a job and remaining engaged feels overwhelming but I need to get going, I feel there’s limited time left.

The clock is ticking down but I’m not improving significantly... each week feels like I’m improving 0.01%, I’m trying my best but I’m lost for options... I feel I want to disappear to go away for a while (not suicide) but just get away from everyone... I want to be by myself. I need to find some sort of motivation to live, to acknowledge I matter and that I am worth fighting for. I feel my needs don’t matter and that I’m destined to failure.

Guaranteed this is bad at the moment as I’ve recently began family therapy with my Mam to discuss my past... it’s bringing up a lot. It’s bad timing as my regular T is away at the moment... I’m trying to keep my head above water but my thoughts are getting the best of me.

I’d be grateful of stories of recovery if people would be kind to share. I need some motivation right now. Thanks.

 

[pam4him]

So sorry for the difficult situation. Great strides have been made in getting the rest of the world to be more compassionate towards those of us with mental health issues. However, it is still a struggle to fit in, feel accepted. I'm glad you are in therapy, and I hope you can keep going. Working through hard issues can help lessen some of the symptoms. As for work, is there online marketing jobs that wouldn't require as much in-person interaction? Maybe practice with someone you know who has a small business that would benefit from some social media exposure, letting you build a portfolio. Then perhaps connect on LinkedIn or similar site. Hang in there, you've got this. Prayers for peace, strength and wisdom.

 

[Rani G2]

I feel so stressed and shame filled by the fact I’m not working.

@InsertCoinsHere Not easy at all! Understand. Lived with caregiver who believed that becoming a wanderer is his destiny, so entering schools and leaving schools, living in boarding schools and just when you think of putting down roots, you have been told that the next station is going to be elsewhere on the globe.
No conventional education, and for a long time I didn’t even care. The only education I got was through Star Trek and books.
Around 2005 stopped work for a year or longer, because I didn’t wash myself or ate properly, and became suicidal. Trauma wasn’t considered at all, so I ran around with Trauma relics completely undigested.

The clock is ticking down but I’m not improving significantly...

Regression and progression is moving together, I really wish it was a linear/straight-line process.. but I think that’s not how things work... struggling with this as well.. on some Days.
Social pressure is tough, and also believing that one must fulfill those expectations if not, encountering the shame arena and it’s hard to get out of that. This is probably not bringing any motivation, but also asking myself- A quote I love from Virginia Woolf)////what is this "civilisation" in which we find ourselves? What are these ceremonies and why should we take part in them?/////