Feeling Awkward!

[Tiger]

I have been feeling very over-sensitive about everything and everyone! I don't want to sound pathetic (I probably still do!) I am paranoid of doing something to upset other people!! So scared of these thoughts that I can't trust anyone!! That people that are being kind to me actually have a hidden agenda?? I don't quite understand why I feel this! I feel so uncomfortable!! I can't judge what is real or what is in my head cos I am convinced I have done something wrong although I don't know what? Is there something about me that is so annoying to other people?? What is wrong with me?? If I ever do something wrong, will someone please let me know? I'm so sorry, I sound stupid, but it I'm so worried about it!!!!

 

[Deleted member 19804]

You don't sound weird or pathetic at all. Really, it's okay to ask for help about this.

I've experienxed the same thing quite a few times myself and my T gave me this really great excercise to deal with the panic/paranoia. Answer the following questions, preferably writing your answers down:

1. What happened that caused you to feel the way you feel right now?
2.What feelings did it provoke?
3. What automatic thoughts did you have?

Now challenge yourself:

4. How likely on a scale of 0 - 100% do you think it is for those thoughts to be correct?

5. Are your automatic thoughts true?Which other possibilities could there be? Do you have any evidence that either confirms or concurs your idea? Write the pro and con arguments down ifit helps.
Do these automatic thoughts help you to reach your goal? How can you change your attitude towards the situation?

6.
Compare your automatic thoughts with the alternatives. How likely do you feel the assumptions you made are true now?


It works really well for me. In your case, you can for example choose a situation that made you feel socially awkward. The automatic thoughts could be things like "they're making fun of me"/"they have a hidden agenda"/"they don't like me" etc. What evidence do you have that people have hidden agendas with you? Have those people showed you or told you that before? Or have they actually been very nice? Keep in mind that many people are much more likely to focus on negative things about a situation than the positives, especially people who are insecure about their social skills.

i hope this helps you! Keep breathing, you'll be fine. :hug:

 

[franciemarnie]

I grew up in an alcoholic family that systematically denied what was happening every day, so I have had significant trouble knowing what was real and what wasn't all my life. If your reality was denied in your formative years and people weren't who they pretended to be, it is natural you have trouble. You will learn to trust your instincts. You may be picking up something, but interpreting it wrong also. Experience will help. Checking in with reality with others.

 

[Tiger]

Thanks for your reply! I shall have to ponder that for a while! It's like I'm going mad!! I feel like the world is against me!! I feel very alone with my stuff! Its like everyone is judging me!! Feels like I was the one who did wrong!!

 

[rainbow1]

I often worry i've done something wrong or that people will be angry with me. I constantly seek reassurance from T and I apologise to him all the time even though I haven't done anything wrong. It is a natural reaction given the abuse. It does get easier, and with help you can find ways to work on it, like the exercise suggested above. It's not easy though and takes lots of practice.

You are not alone in the way your feeling. You have to bear in mind though that everyone is here because they are hurting for one reason or another and they won't always respond in the way you want or expect. Sometimes people will disagree with what you say and that is ok. Sometimes you will disagree with them too. It is all part of the discussion. It doesn't mean people are angry with you. The other thing is that because the discussions are online you miss out on the other 'cues' you have in real life to see the other persons reaction. So you don't have the same visual cues or tone of voice. All those things make it hard to judge something online.

I try and think of it like, if someone else posted that same comment and I read it, would I feel angry with them?

I know its hard to feel like you have a right to an opinion or feeling or thought. Or that everyone else's is more important than yours. But, yours are as valid as anyone else, and should be the most important thing to you.

 

[Tiger]

I have always felt like I'm a disaster and a nuisance! I feel like I'm always in the way!! (Even in the way of myself!!) I find it nearly impossible to believe that anyone else could think differently! When they do, I struggle to accept it and think that they are pretending to be nice because they want me to relax so that they can attack when my defences are down or when I'm most vulnerable! It has happened alot!!

 

[NovaTex]

I've found it really helpful to just remind myself that I don't know what others are thinking . . . I try to stick to what is logical and tangible. I also have a lot of internal conversations with myself to comfort myself . . . I find reminding myself I am worthy of love and respect helps me enormously and refocuses me on tangible reality. Don't be hard on yourself! Gentleness can go a long ways . . .