General Feeling fat as form of hypervigilance?

[Friday]

IDK what it's called, but this is one of my most difficult and most ongoing things. I have to be fit. Have to. If not? If I'm weak, fat, soft, broken... Useless, incompetent, lazy, liability.

It ties into my military stuff (WTF do you mean I'm never going to have the body of a pissed off 19yo agian? f*ck that. Am, too.), it ties into death & pain & trauma. It ties into helplessness & control...both Illusory & true. It ties into ethos, & morality, & self respect. And a lot of other things.

Really, it's complicated as f*ck. That's just the tip of the iceberg up there. All of which is disincluding how seriously f*cking bad things got when I was injured and unable to defend myself, much less protect anyone else. Or the long slow painful recovery times, and the effects those wrought (like losing much of what I value most in this world). An a lot of other stuff.

And also very simple: when I'm fit? I'm a f*ckload happier than when I'm not.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

(((Friday)))

 

[Tinyflame]

I think weight & self-capabilities can tie in to the thought of one's capabilities if a future reaction is required, in response to thoughts &/or perceptions arising from or at least complicated by hypervigilance.

And tie in to so many other things, as @Friday mentioned above, that have nothing to do with appearance, but everything to do with self-concept, the past, grief, self-judgement and pain. JMHO.