Feeling like a fraud

[Freida]

But some people actually LIKE to be strangled and bound.

I'm hoping those with more knowledge will comment but as I understand it what people who "like" it as doing is very much different than your situation. It's done with safe words and mutually agreed upon levels of pain and carefully planned by both people. You were tortured...that's a HUGE difference.

I keep rationally telling myself I was psychologically manipulated to do those things and to consent to them. But being manipulated isnt consenting

I still struggle with the things I did "willingly". That's your survival instinct kicking in. ..not an agreement or consent to what's happening. Your are NOT to blame

 

[Emotional girl]

I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in feeling this way.I am constantly questioning myself about what happened to me as a child and I often think I am some fraud.
I don't think you have to have loads of flashbacks,for me it is a gut thing and a body reaction more that anything else.If you know in your gut it happened then it happened and whether you can remember details is not important.
I have been told by a therapist that sometimes we become numb in order to protect ourselves because some memories are so bad that we don't want to remember.
I agree with what some others have said accepting what happened is the hardest part and I suppose that comes with time and having a person who listens and who believes in our lives,