Feeling Like I'm Not Worthy

[Cavegirl]

So, if a guy doesn't really want me I can't get enough of him. But if a guy is polite, respectful, essentially what I am supposedly looking for... I realize I don't feel like I'm good enough for them. For example...

I struggle with self care. Wednesday I showered and had a sleep study where they glued electrodes all over my head in my hair with this waxy paste stuff. It caused at least 5 globs of goo mats at my scalp. I put up with it in my hair until Sunday. When I was in the shower I froze up. Couldnt catch my breath. I had to talk myself into washing myself. I stood there for a few minutes trying to work myself up the ability to wash my rear. Pep talked myself through my shower and I was drying off I saw myself in the mirror. I've gained back 70 lbs. if by some chance this guy can overlook my 300lb body.. I struggle just to take a shower. I panic washing myself. I have plastic mats over my carpet in my room because my cat gets hair balls and I don't clean them up and don't want to ruin the carpet (I rent). It's like I feel like I deserve to live in filth.

I'm too messed up to date anyone. Certainly not this guy. And that makes me sad.

 

[Changing4Best]

I don't really know how to cook, other than to make a few soups in a crock pot and cook some eggs or pancakes for breakfast. Meat? Don't ask me to cook it unless it is in tiny pieces in some soup. Guys want a woman who can cook, is my way of thinking, so I feel unworthy too. I rarely clean house, I only buy what I need at the grocery, I often eat things right out of the package, like lunch meat, instead of making a sandwich. I have an important guest coming to my house today so I dusted for the first time in ages. I just dusted a few of the glaring outstanding dusty things. The rest of it, well, who cares.... as to self care, I hate to do that during the winter months mostly. But even today I noticed my hair needs washing. Instead of taking a shower, I just pulled it back with a clip and hid the oily streak by that means. I put on extra Secret and called it a morning. I'm out of here and I don't care what I look like. As to weight, yeh, I have too much of it too, but not anywhere except in my belly area. It always piles up there, I don't know why? Diets just make the rest of me skinnier! But my belly stays the same size. So why bother....

Hang in there, sister, there will be someone who can look past all these things in us. Even if he just wants to be friends, it is OK with me.

 

[The Albatross]

There is quite a lot in your OP. I had to go into your diary to figure out (sort of) what you are aiming at.

Sadness is optional... you are though aware of where you're at/what your immediate challenges are. Personally I'd be working to remedy those and put the effort you have for your education into your personal well being rather than look for a relationship or a person to distract yourself with. If nothing changes, the hole will still be there and you'll still be dealing with things. If things do change/improve you don't come from such a needy place and can get a sense of your own self worth... and bring that into your relationships.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I think that by taking the time to take the best care of you and continue your schooling, you are doing amazing things. I would like to see spend more time on self care for you. Like meeting your needs and wants yourself. To be able to turn the focus on making yourself feel better about yourself for an example.

Because if you are not okay, nothing will be okay. Find out what you are worth and worthy of in a positive way in taking the best care of you who has been very neglected in my opinion.

Find out more about who you really are and what you like and do not like and spend some quality time taking care of you. You are so worth fighting for.

You are better than you think you are and not as bad as you think you are.:hug: