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Feeling Lost and Hopeless: What Can I Do?

Please don't apologize or feel badly @Hulda , you were kind enough to take the time and effort to respond and try to offer suggestions, and anyway at any time it's hard to know tone or posts can be misunderstood. I am very sorry for what you went through, and hope you can be on the other side of it. It speaks volumes to your perseverance, faith and bravery that you did and even more so that you are still so kind and generous with your time and energy, even for a stranger like me. Thank you. 🫂
 
If I can’t move my arms or legs, or think my way from the beginning to the end of a sentence for over 20 hours a day, most days; should I eat my gun?
I am at a point I have zero purpose or reasons in my life to continue on for. I am trying not to do any damage or leave any behind. Am at a loss. I am very tired. Not sure if anyone has any ideas of what to do? Thank for reading.
Because this is where I’m at.

As I’ve f*cked up my back. So I can’t. Purpose. Passion. Reasons. Ability. Reasons. I am nothing but a burden. A waste.

And it’s not actually MY gun, just one I have access to. But it would do the job, well enough.

Yes? Eat it?

No? Why not?

My life is over. I have zero purpose or reasons in my life to continue.
 
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As I’ve f*cked up my back.
This ⬆️? Therefore this ⬇️??
I have zero purpose or reasons
Kind of seems like you’re writing off a whole portion of humanity if one’s purpose depends on having a working back and no pain.

Grief? Yes. Where’s the ducking grief in all this? Since when are you *needed* for your strong back and to have no pain?! It’s called reciprocity and you are due! And I’m terribly sorry if you have no one to do it for you!! That absolutely stinks and puts you in a difficult position.

But. If you think your worth depends on not being in pain, being the funny/strong one, being the one who can shovel the most shit and climb a building??! Wrong. Your worth and value have nothing to do with you job capacities and your good mood. They are inherent in your being. Any one of us islanders who know you would fly to your side to adjust your pillows and bring you espressos. But we can’t. So we encourage you or feather dust you.

You’re so good at being the strong one and you’ve done it for so long. I can imagine being the one in pain SUCKS. But it’s not the end of Friday’s purpose?! *Dumps feathers on Friday’s head*
 
Yes @Friday I understand.

But you do have worth, more worth in your little finger nail than most people in their whole lives. And people who love you, family and your son (Idk but even if he is in the rage stage, his mother is his grounding though he won't admit it), the people here including me.

Agree with @Freddyt , you've got a bit of a desk job but it's a Command Post.

Love to you xox.
 
sure as anything, just look and you can find someone that has it worse than you. Not downplaying any one elses plight, just observing that on a low loow day with every reason to just bail and end up wherever that leads, there are others with more going on and for longer times. And they are on here, helping me see the full spectrum of this crap. The stories I read on here make me keep most of mine to myself, and feel unworthy to be in the company of such strong survivors.

@Friday you are truly an inspiration, kept me laughing during hard times, and shown that this shit gets all of us, big, small, short, tall but most importantly it gets the insightful educated and curious people too, and knowing that has been a big help. having a big brain is not the ticket out or the antidote for this stuff, but bouncing ideas off each other has helped, a lot. thanks

@Tinyflame I always look at your posts, that's how I got here today,
you also have to step back and say what makes me happy, what do I value, what do I need, what's important to me.

often feel like just giving up, or giving up trying. Seems very fruitless and exhausting.
just having similar thoughts with another person on here can make such a difference, and you share yours, thanks. Yes, maybe you should write a book, maybe I should write a book but who would want to read either of them? You are correct, no one, not even ourselves. But, much like the week after a good movie, you find yourself remembering scenes and garnering nuances you might have missed while engrossed in the drama at the time it was playing out- this is where we try to make sense of it all and knowing you are out there trying just like me to figure it all out after the fact has made me feel not so alone in this crap. thanks for that.
 
I am at a point I have zero purpose or reasons in my life to continue on for. I am trying not to do any damage or leave any behind. Am at a loss. I am very tired. Not sure if anyone has any ideas of what to do? Thank for reading.
I was once like yourself. How I helped myself out of the problem was actually easy. I thought about all the small things in life worth living for and also took up recreation. Don't go fishing! it's too boring.
 
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