Heya, really sorry this happened to you. Doesn't sound stupid, negative core beliefs aren't rational and are so damn stubbornly hard to shift.and one relationship after in particular has pretty much drilled in to my bones that I am unlovable as a human being. Maybe sounds stupid but isn't to me. I feel like I can no more change that than my eye or skin color.)
I did find a surprising thing though, a bit like Alan Carr's easy way to stop smoking - which turns your opinions on smoking upside down - that having a different point of view can help - kinda like opening the curtain on the Wizard of Oz. Not so much the terrifying all powerful wizard, more a mean little man in a cupboard.
But yeah, shifting negative core beliefs is prolly a lifetime's work.
I think that experience (childhood on) left me, or contributed to a profound sense of unsafety. It's funny because someone said to me yesterday stick with who you like and I get it but it's not about that per se, it's understanding and safety. Safety trumps all of it. I feel like a kid with a hand death grip,
It makes sense doesn't it. I relate too. I can feel safer on my own than in company. Learning about my neuro divergence in the past couple years has been so helpful in understanding my fear of people. But the childhood trauma was an enormous part of that feeling of of unsafety.
You talking about the kid with the death grip - is that like holding on for dear life kind of thing? Inflexibility because of the tension? I do relate.
Loved most to dance but body too sore atm
Ain't dancing the best thing.
Can you chair dance? Even just a few moments a day?
I've set up a radio in my kitchen - don't go out fancing anymore and I miss it. Been putting on the radio when I'm doing the dishes etc. Have a wee kitchen disco while I'm at it.
A bit of joy is good huh.
But anyway, long story short it might be more effective if I try to be as gentle with myself as others.
And to me, to actually be gentle I should be pretty much under all experiences
You can pick and choose no?
Because I am trying to be more aware of my negative fearful thoughts and challenge them. Despair would qualify. And I really like or thrive with laughter and softness and gentleness too.
Yes, I was thinking the other day. Laughter and playfulness are missing in my life. Not saying I don't laugh but, there is a hell of a lot that could do with being thawed by some humour.
I love softness and gentleness I like that we are both soft and gentle despite everything. Tempered with a bit of self care even better.
YesI guess to it's ok/ safe sometimes to be happy, feel safe?