PTSD brain can process fear, and anxiety. It's the lie. You should feel excited to go for lunch - but its in a busy place and you remember that and feel a little sick instead of happy? That's a PTSD lie.
Family - oh wow, that's the worst part. Those are the most complex relationships we have. When they get complex - use You said - I heard. It give you time to think. They begin to see how you process what they tell you....
I'm sorry I missed the time limit, just ETA: I think also it's because I'm always pushing myself, doing what I (probably) wouldn't do if I didn't assume it was my fault; that I need to push through fear; that I need to get out of a comfort zone, that surely I must be the one misunderstanding or with the problem. Tbh, without ptsd I likely wouldn't. I would assess/ receive, or blame myself as much, and wouldn't continue dealing with anyone or going anywhere I wasn't comfortable. I wouldn't think twice.
Sorry @Hulda I cross-posted. I agree, where does paranoia start? Every person can feel suspicion and then.. obviously it crosses (a big) line.
However, I think we are talking about 2 different animals. For example, ay one point, actually twice, 2 of my sisters decided to convey they had spent (what was for them a paltry amount of $) on a 'hitman' for the other two of us. That is- mental. And full of rage, I wish I was exaggerating but I am not.
I don't think I've ever assumed there is more to any relationship than there has been, with the exception (erroneous) of familial love. After that experience I do not know if there could ever be any relationship of worth, or where I had worth, at least not in my life. I'm unwilling to take that risk to agree to try.
I think you can invest in others or invest in yourself. God doesn't make junk as my mom used to say, and there is always something to be thankful for. But I do believe instead of focusing on only what other's need, you also have to step back and say what makes me happy, what do I value, what do I need, what's important to me. I don't expect it will be important to others.
Tiny flame,Thanks @Hulda , it's ok. It's a gross topic. I block it out of my mind mostly. One has died. She acted 'normal' at the start and the end. End of her life she said it was her jealousy. Frankly I hold it against them less than I do/ did fear them.
Yep life is strange. I don't think I fit most molds of what the average person (not on here, irl) has any idea of. People always say I should write a book, which just cracks me up. I wouldn't even want to read it lol.
Anyway I also appreciate it and fwiw their behaviour is not what I would include in traumas I experienced. Certainly altered my perception of myself, then and after however. I often feel like just giving up, or giving up trying. Seems very fruitless and exhausting. Conversely however out of sight and mind is more comfortable because there are no expectations on me, either.
Best wishes to you and thank you.