Feeling Lost and Hopeless: What Can I Do?

[Tinyflame]

So how do we recognize a PTSD lie from an accurate conclusion @Freddyt ? (Thank you!)

 

[Freddyt]

So how do we recognize a PTSD lie from an accurate conclusion @Freddyt ? (Thank you!)

PTSD brain can process fear, and anxiety. It's the lie. You should feel excited to go for lunch - but its in a busy place and you remember that and feel a little sick instead of happy? That's a PTSD lie.
You feel angry when your wife comes home and says she had an accident with the car? Lie....you should be worried she's OK, the car will get fixed.

In short - if the emotion doesn't fit what you realllyyy should feel? It could be a PTSD lie.

Just remember - they are all negative, fear, anger, and when you think about it - you should feel different, or think different, it's a lie....

Unlovable? Never. You come across as a bright wonderful person. You just haven't met the right guy to treat you like a princess yet......

.....that's how you counter the lie....

 

[Tinyflame]

That's an amazing explanation @Freddyt , it makes more sense to me, especially with your examples. Because we aren't supposed to let emotions simply dictate decisions, but most motivation requires emotion. It's just what emotion is coming in to play, when and why, and it's usually negative you are right, sometimes overwhelmingly so. I think it's going to take me a lot of practice, but it makes more sense. Not just trying to have a better attitude, and not fearing like I'm just checking my brain at the door. And yet it would enable a better perspective if ptsd lies are in play.

You are very sweet. It made me giggle- I remember a Sesame Street as a kid, the Prince says to Rapunzel in the tower, "Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your fair hair!" And she flips it over, it comes off, and she has a bald pointy head. Then he looks shocked and rides off heehee.

Thank you!

 

[Tinyflame]

I was thinking about this @Freddyt , and it isn't always ptsd lies. I can see how they could come in to play with relationships out side of family; family not so much. Granted those feelings within the family contribute to beliefs which may spill over (likely).

To me, I also see it as a little less complicated: emotions -motivations-actions= end result. When all is said and done. I can only be responsible for myself. Even if the actions of others affect me. The way they don't affect me, or affect me less, is to a great degree when I start drifting away emotionally and physically. JMHE of course. I think if there is safety there is less inclination.

 

[Freddyt]

I was thinking about this @Freddyt , and it isn't always ptsd lies. I can see how they could come in to play with relationships out side of family; family not so much. Granted those feelings within the family contribute to beliefs which may spill over (likely).

Family - oh wow, that's the worst part. Those are the most complex relationships we have. When they get complex - use You said - I heard. It give you time to think. They begin to see how you process what they tell you....
Takeout the misunderstanding or instant (for me anger) reactions. Understand what they said and meant. We are not great at suitability with people. Hints don't work well. Like I told my wife - me big dumb man - you smart lady - explain it to me......

It's time and space to sort out what was said and how you should feel vs how you do feel. and resolve that. So you don't go away and ruminate and obsess over what someone said and what they meant.

 

[Tinyflame]

Makes perfect sense @Freddyt , thank you. I remember you saying it before. (Me dumb- forgot- lol.)

The only problem is, if people don't talk or communicate. Or simply (as in family) say the wish you were dead- problem solved. Or some version of such.

I think it's also predicated on dealing with either someone normal, or actually wants a relationship with you. If not it seems, give it up. And awful when you can't get away when someone doesn't want you there, or wonder if that's what they only show but do not say.

Yep. Sigh. Won't be ruminating on it atm though. Hopefully never. I think that's why I feel quite compelled to leave or should leave when I do feel or sense or see or experience that. Which I don't think is that odd, actually.

 

[Adobe]

I was thinking about this conversation with and outside family. PTSD paranoia is an issue I will occasionally experience. I have found that since I went on anti anxiety medication and anti depressants this type of lie or hyper vigilance is less of a problem and it does not happen as much. I now can usually break it down as Freddy does. I am also learning to not overly invest myself in the lives of people but to keep boundaries at an appropriate place. Sometimes we can think with people that there is more to the relationship than there is in reality and over invest ourselves. I guess it goes back for me again to boundaries so I don’t have erroneous expectations thus exposing myself to hyper vigilance. I think that is why early on years ago I got in a symbiotic relationship. Very painful to extricate one’s self without so much pain. Healthy relationships for me have been a lot of work and still I am attacked with hyper vigilance, paranoia and have to work through it before it incapacitates me and affects how I perceive or get involved with people. Isolation was my way of handling it and that is unhealthy and for me made the situation worse. It still raises it head but the lies are short lived. PTSD puts us in a dark place where our imagination can work at warp speed. Thus..triggered.

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm sorry I missed the time limit, just ETA: I think also it's because I'm always pushing myself, doing what I (probably) wouldn't do if I didn't assume it was my fault; that I need to push through fear; that I need to get out of a comfort zone, that surely I must be the one misunderstanding or with the problem. Tbh, without ptsd I likely wouldn't. I would assess/ receive, or blame myself as much, and wouldn't continue dealing with anyone or going anywhere I wasn't comfortable. I wouldn't think twice.

Sorry @Hulda I cross-posted. I agree, where does paranoia start? Every person can feel suspicion and then.. obviously it crosses (a big) line.

However, I think we are talking about 2 different animals. For example, ay one point, actually twice, 2 of my sisters decided to convey they had spent (what was for them a paltry amount of $) on a 'hitman' for the other two of us. That is- mental. And full of rage, I wish I was exaggerating but I am not.

I don't think I've ever assumed there is more to any relationship than there has been, with the exception (erroneous) of familial love. After that experience I do not know if there could ever be any relationship of worth, or where I had worth, at least not in my life. I'm unwilling to take that risk to agree to try.

I think you can invest in others or invest in yourself. God doesn't make junk as my mom used to say, and there is always something to be thankful for. But I do believe instead of focusing on only what other's need, you also have to step back and say what makes me happy, what do I value, what do I need, what's important to me. I don't expect it will be important to others.

 

[Adobe]

By the way, meditation , exercise on a regular basis when I am activated in this way, regular exercise, try something else to get out of my head( where I live a lot) art ,drawing, creativity on a regular basis, and making junk journals to name a few. Exercise ..resistance bands for me… is probably the best thing for me.

 

[Adobe]

I'm sorry I missed the time limit, just ETA: I think also it's because I'm always pushing myself, doing what I (probably) wouldn't do if I didn't assume it was my fault; that I need to push through fear; that I need to get out of a comfort zone, that surely I must be the one misunderstanding or with the problem. Tbh, without ptsd I likely wouldn't. I would assess/ receive, or blame myself as much, and wouldn't continue dealing with anyone or going anywhere I wasn't comfortable. I wouldn't think twice.

Sorry @Hulda I cross-posted. I agree, where does paranoia start? Every person can feel suspicion and then.. obviously it crosses (a big) line.

However, I think we are talking about 2 different animals. For example, ay one point, actually twice, 2 of my sisters decided to convey they had spent (what was for them a paltry amount of $) on a 'hitman' for the other two of us. That is- mental. And full of rage, I wish I was exaggerating but I am not.

I don't think I've ever assumed there is more to any relationship than there has been, with the exception (erroneous) of familial love. After that experience I do not know if there could ever be any relationship of worth, or where I had worth, at least not in my life. I'm unwilling to take that risk to agree to try.

I think you can invest in others or invest in yourself. God doesn't make junk as my mom used to say, and there is always something to be thankful for. But I do believe instead of focusing on only what other's need, you also have to step back and say what makes me happy, what do I value, what do I need, what's important to me. I don't expect it will be important to others.

Oh my! I have nothing to say ..a hit man… I think that explains a lot. How far you have come. This is not a relationship problem. Anyone would be dealing with these issues in depth for a long time. I am sure you in yourself have more answers than questions. A big hug and decision making skills and direction and so much more. I will think of you. Blessings. Prayers as you navigate this. I get it. Thank you for clarification. I am not just speaking niceties here.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thanks @Hulda , it's ok. It's a gross topic. I block it out of my mind mostly. One has died. She acted 'normal' at the start and the end. End of her life she said it was her jealousy. Frankly I hold it against them less than I do/ did fear them.

Yep life is strange. I don't think I fit most molds of what the average person (not on here, irl) has any idea of. People always say I should write a book, which just cracks me up. I wouldn't even want to read it lol.

Anyway I also appreciate it and fwiw their behaviour is not what I would include in traumas I experienced. Certainly altered my perception of myself, then and after however. I often feel like just giving up, or giving up trying. Seems very fruitless and exhausting. Conversely however out of sight and mind is more comfortable because there are no expectations on me, either.

Best wishes to you and thank you.

 

[Adobe]

Thanks @Hulda , it's ok. It's a gross topic. I block it out of my mind mostly. One has died. She acted 'normal' at the start and the end. End of her life she said it was her jealousy. Frankly I hold it against them less than I do/ did fear them.

Yep life is strange. I don't think I fit most molds of what the average person (not on here, irl) has any idea of. People always say I should write a book, which just cracks me up. I wouldn't even want to read it lol.

Anyway I also appreciate it and fwiw their behaviour is not what I would include in traumas I experienced. Certainly altered my perception of myself, then and after however. I often feel like just giving up, or giving up trying. Seems very fruitless and exhausting. Conversely however out of sight and mind is more comfortable because there are no expectations on me, either.

Best wishes to you and thank you.

Tiny flame,
This taught me a huge lesson on this forum. I have no idea the experiences people have had. I can filter my response through my own experiences and be so far off track. I almost died at the hands of my stepfather and my ex-husband hit me over the head with a board while I was sleeping, cracking my head open. He stalked me for 5 years. That was 45 years ago and I am far from that time and place. Hundreds of hours if not still processing the residual I can glibly say all the correct things but leave behind the past and quickly share good things but not really hear the voice behind the questions with all their pain and reactions they are experiencing. This was a good lesson in assuming and in my books you are not a tiny flame but a flare. Thank you for your gracious replies.