CrystalCastles
New Here
Hi guys,
I'm new to this forum as recently was diagnosed with C-PTSD. Basically I'm triggered quite constantly over the smallest insignificant things but only if I'm very close to the person (work relationships) (college peers) or (romantic partners).
A brief overview of my story:
My childhood friend touched me inappropriately when I was 7 which went on for quite some time (as although I was confused I trusted him so thought this was normal). A similar situation happened when I was 17 where I put myself in a house with a near stranger (my cousins friend) who took my phone and wouldn't give it back unless I kissed him and then grinded on me (while I was in school uniform). Then on the other side of things my mother was very difficult growing up, constantly directing verbal outbursts at us, shouting, demanding things, giving out when we weren't performing well at school or were acting (wrong) in public and generally blaming myself and my sister for stupid idiotic things. This behaviour then continued for me throughout my teens as I chose a best friend at school who exactly mimicked the behaviour of my mother (aggressive, loving, aggressive, loving, avoidant) in that order and with that best friend came a couple of other jerk friends. I constantly felt I had no issues, bar anxiety and depression so repressed many of my feelings, thoughts and emotions and had continuous relationships with emotionally unavailable, avoidant and uncaring men which resulted in constant arguements, flashbacks and strange thoughts (like wanting to rip my skin off). It all got too much recently when I went to do my masters so I finally told a counsellor about what happened when I was 7 mainly.
For me a trigger can be seeing my boyfriends face (i don't understand this bar the fact he wears glasses like my childhood friend) and then we get in stupid arguements which can last minutes, hours, days and more. It's gotten so bad the last few weeks I've avoided going out in public places as much as possible, I avoid us going where any women go (incase he abandons me, still not fully sure why i get that thought) and basically causing us stress for no reason. It often ends with me feeling unloved, unsupported etc.
I'm really stuck in a not so good place at the moment, as I do believe this guy might be the one and I don't want to throw it all away over my triggers etc. Any advice??
I'm new to this forum as recently was diagnosed with C-PTSD. Basically I'm triggered quite constantly over the smallest insignificant things but only if I'm very close to the person (work relationships) (college peers) or (romantic partners).
A brief overview of my story:
My childhood friend touched me inappropriately when I was 7 which went on for quite some time (as although I was confused I trusted him so thought this was normal). A similar situation happened when I was 17 where I put myself in a house with a near stranger (my cousins friend) who took my phone and wouldn't give it back unless I kissed him and then grinded on me (while I was in school uniform). Then on the other side of things my mother was very difficult growing up, constantly directing verbal outbursts at us, shouting, demanding things, giving out when we weren't performing well at school or were acting (wrong) in public and generally blaming myself and my sister for stupid idiotic things. This behaviour then continued for me throughout my teens as I chose a best friend at school who exactly mimicked the behaviour of my mother (aggressive, loving, aggressive, loving, avoidant) in that order and with that best friend came a couple of other jerk friends. I constantly felt I had no issues, bar anxiety and depression so repressed many of my feelings, thoughts and emotions and had continuous relationships with emotionally unavailable, avoidant and uncaring men which resulted in constant arguements, flashbacks and strange thoughts (like wanting to rip my skin off). It all got too much recently when I went to do my masters so I finally told a counsellor about what happened when I was 7 mainly.
For me a trigger can be seeing my boyfriends face (i don't understand this bar the fact he wears glasses like my childhood friend) and then we get in stupid arguements which can last minutes, hours, days and more. It's gotten so bad the last few weeks I've avoided going out in public places as much as possible, I avoid us going where any women go (incase he abandons me, still not fully sure why i get that thought) and basically causing us stress for no reason. It often ends with me feeling unloved, unsupported etc.
I'm really stuck in a not so good place at the moment, as I do believe this guy might be the one and I don't want to throw it all away over my triggers etc. Any advice??
