1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

The Daily Dose

Get the last 24hrs of new topics delivered to your inbox.

Click Here to Subscribe

Feeling raw

Discussion in 'Dysregulation' started by Suzetig, Apr 13, 2018.

  1. Suzetig

    Suzetig Still the Staff Kitteh... Moderator Sponsor $100+

    3,010
    9,606
    4,233
    My T is a superstar, she knew I was struggling at the end of the session but she’ll always leave it to me to ask for support if I need it. And we’ve been round this block a few times now.

    Funny, I expect him to deny it, say I consented, he was misunderstood etc though I don’t doubt him actually doing that would floor me too. I’d be more shocked if he said he’d done it. I don’t think I need to know why so much as accept that he knew what he was doing - I make all the excuses in the world for him because it means it was a “bad relationship” rather than being abusive if you know what I mean.

    It’s been a long time since I’ve not been able to just pack up and go again after session but in hindsight this has been on the cards for a while, I’ve had more and more of a therapy hangover the last few sessions. My T knows it’s hellish for me and is great at working at just the right pace etc, this was always going to be hard to face though.
     
    shimmerz, Missycat, barefoot and 3 others like this.
  2. Register to participate in live chat, PTSD discussion and more.
  3. Still Standing

    Still Standing Well-Known Member

    781
    2,046
    533
    Hmmm...fetal positioning...that primitive comfort zone...whether in real life or only in our heads...self protection at its basic. Sometimes, it just needs to be that way for us. You are facing a hefty challenge so no wonder your mind wants to roll up and protect you. It is a huge indicator that you are touching things in therapy that need to be addressed, whether you report or don't report your abuser. I think skydiving might be a good distractor or head clearer. It certainly would give you something totally different to think about and to accomplish before your next session! Just kidding.:whistling::rolleyes: If only there were distractions that were exotic and unusual enough to capture our minds into a thrilling and satisfying moment to jostle away those emotional memories trauma leaves behind. Ha! Who am I joking? Skydiving would only leave a new trauma behind to deal with if I did that, including a pair of bed pants!...that's not just rain falling from the sky!!! :eek::eek::confused:. But, there is some truth in the matter of distractions. If there is something that is especially pleasant you like, this might be the time to indulge yourself or family. If you can keep occupied the waiting goes faster. It is the waiting that makes me batty. Then there is always the option of comedy and letting the endorphins do some reproducing. Make the weekend a movie binge one and only watch funny ones. If you have older kids, challenge them to a weekend of corny jokes. If you are a one-liner person, look up Stephen Wright. He is a great stand up comedian. My favorite one of his is: "The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades." Makes me laugh every time.... Sorry, I must be in a manic moment. Seriously though, suzetig, I know your struggles are no laughing matter and they are as hard as heck for you, at the moment. I just wish I could make this portion of your journey a bit easier. BTW, I have appreciated your input and help to many of us on this forum. It is nice to turn around and support and encourage you this time. You are in my thoughts...
     
    shimmerz, Freida and blackemerald1 like this.
  4. Suzetig

    Suzetig Still the Staff Kitteh... Moderator Sponsor $100+

    3,010
    9,606
    4,233
    Thank you - it’s nice to be supported too :)

    I love your list of distractions btw, I think sky diving might be marginally less sore than where I am just now.

    I’ve got a lot of stuff on this weekend, much of it people stuff when I’d rather be by myself tbh, but it will be good for me to be out and busy. I’ll go back and journal for a while too - try and get my thoughts in some kind of order before I see my T again (just in time for her to scramble my brain again).
     
  5. barefoot

    barefoot I'm a VIP Premium Member Donated

    1,345
    3,162
    1,203
    How are you doing today @Suzetig?
    Hope the weekend was manageable.
     
    blackemerald1 and Freida like this.
  6. Suzetig

    Suzetig Still the Staff Kitteh... Moderator Sponsor $100+

    3,010
    9,606
    4,233
    I’m ok thanks, kept myself very busy over the weekend - can still feel “that” feeling in the pit of my stomach that is a bit dreading seeing T again, both because I’ve had to ask for support between sessions - which I rarely do - and because I’m already minimising how I’m feeling.

    It’ll be a major force of will not to turn up, say everything is fine and distract, distract, distract. She knows me well enough not to let that go by without challenge, but I can waste so much time dancing round the issues.

    I tried getting my thoughts down on paper but actually I don’t have thoughts as such, just a mess of emotions that I can’t get a handle on.
     
    blackemerald1, Freida and barefoot like this.
  7. barefoot

    barefoot I'm a VIP Premium Member Donated

    1,345
    3,162
    1,203
    Glad to hear you are hanging in there.

    Time dancing around issues...yeah...tell me about it! Hope you’ll be able to untangle the mess of feelings with your therapist when you see her. Or that you will at least be able to hold them more comfortably for now, if you don’t get to full untangling this week!
     
    blackemerald1 and Freida like this.
  8. Suzetig

    Suzetig Still the Staff Kitteh... Moderator Sponsor $100+

    3,010
    9,606
    4,233
    I don’t know about untangling - my T said given the stuff we’re working on, it may well get worse before it gets better, which hasn’t gladdened my heart at all. And yet I know exactly what she means - I’m picking at stuff I’ve left alone for a very long time and it’s bound to hurt.

    One of the things I’m struggling with is that feeling of vulnerability and to move forward I’m going to need to be very vulnerable with other people, which is what’s sending me into a tail spin. The more I challenge my thoughts about myself and what happened to me, the harder it is. I’m having to work very hard at keeping some kind of emotional balance, not always succeeding. Given I’m just about hanging in there just now I don’t like the idea of worse before it gets better.
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2018
    blackemerald1 likes this.
  9. Freida

    Freida Been There, Done That, Lived to Tell the Story Premium Member

    3,071
    9,939
    3,783
    I get that. I ask my T all the time -- if I couldn't handle it the first time around how am I going to handle digging it all up again? she promises that this time we will dig it up and kill it so we won't have to ever dig it up again. so far it's working....slowly.
     
    blackemerald1 likes this.
  10. blackemerald1

    blackemerald1 I'm a VIP Premium Member

    1,088
    2,496
    6,243
    No obviously I did not dig deep enough or missed the mother load. Because I am not a willing accomplice in exploring and diving into it all. Sometimes we touch on the surface and this slams me down.

    On another note. I was told (a little while ago) a new approach/theory has been flagged with PTSD and visiting trauma and it goes something like this.

    There is no need to delve into the actual trauma itself. It doesn't actually kill it off or put it in the right place in our brain.

    Da Da !! That's it folks...

    :confused:
     
    Bearlinda, Suzetig and Freida like this.
  11. Freida

    Freida Been There, Done That, Lived to Tell the Story Premium Member

    3,071
    9,939
    3,783
    Wait! no da da...tell me more!!!!
     
    Suzetig and blackemerald1 like this.
  12. blackemerald1

    blackemerald1 I'm a VIP Premium Member

    1,088
    2,496
    6,243
    No I can't..bc I was only half listening & she was drawing it on a white board with lots of squiggly lines and I was losing the plot.

    But that is the 'new wave' of therapist's idea's hitting the shelves.

    I did tell my psydoc & he said it was a 'load of psypop babble' & ignore it. He had heard of it and it wasn't applicable to me & my PTSD. :wacky:

    So that's what I have done. It seems I have to get the spade out again.:banghead:

    I thought everyone would have known about this new theory. :speechless:
    Edit:- bc I am usually the last to know what's going on!
     
    Suzetig and Freida like this.
  13. Freida

    Freida Been There, Done That, Lived to Tell the Story Premium Member

    3,071
    9,939
    3,783
    LOL crap --- guess I won't get my hopes up.....
     
    Suzetig and blackemerald1 like this.
Loading...
Similar Threads - Feeling raw
  1. PURUSHA
    Replies:
    6
    Views:
    248
  2. Treaty
    Replies:
    45
    Views:
    1,310
  3. Freida
    Replies:
    10
    Views:
    520
Show Sidebar