Feeling Suicidal; Cant Tell Anyone;have To Llive

[shimmerz]

How do I live when a big part of me doesn't want to.

Because this is, as you say, a part of you. A stirred up part, but a part, just the same. There is a larger part of you that wants to be alive. It feels hope and has dreams and loves and laughs. It is quiet right now, but rest assured, it is there.

 

[The Albatross]

"Hope is a necessity for normal life and the major weapon against the suicide impulse." ~ Karl A. Menninger

 

[Whyteferret]

I JUST SAVED my own life and right now I am mad at myself for it.

@trying2movefwd

It's had to get through that darkness. What helps me are pictures of people who I love or need me, my animals, favorite places. Basically anything that helps me make a positive connection to life.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes came back to say, pictures- of your children. It's like SI affects memory (memories), pictures etc can help to pull you back.

:hug: 's @trying2movefwd .

 

[Tinyflame]

Also no matter how it feels you know it has to be a lie, anything that tells you leaving your children violently & without you their mom, who they love & rely on, could only be devastating for them.

Even more so, look at the love they receive from you, how important that is.

 

[Enaila]

I have been to the point you are. I am here today to tell you I am glad I made choice I did to save myself. I too moved my children (then 4 and 9) 1000 miles away from what they knew. Culture shock for them and me as we went from a small rural place to large urban one. I was determined to put them first and I won't lie to you....It was hard. My boys are now happy young men of 19 and 23. I've enjoyed watching both graduate from high school and the oldest from college.

Do I still think back on the day I had plans to end it all? Yes, as it was a traumatic time and I have flashbacks yet about just being in such a desperate place. Do I still get realizations....I won't kid you...being a single mother is hard and now I am having to readjust to empty nest and what my purpose its in life. However; when I seem to be feeling the most sorry for myself, I will get a call out of the blue.....mom, how do I cook so and so? Where do I go for...? I have a sore throat....

Get the picture? Those babies of yours need you and will always need you. You are their lifeline right now. Everything happens for a reason, even if we don't know what the reason is yet. (((Hugs)))

 

[Snowflake]

I am feeling like I would be better off dead. :( But my kids would not. How do I live when a big...

Hi-I struggle with saying how I feel so I apologize if it doesn't make sense.

I hate myself too and I KNOW I would be better off dead. So I totally understand what your feeling. I do supervised visitation everyday with parents and children....what keeps me going is seeing these children. I don't want them growing up feeling like I do. So if you died, what would happen to your children? Back with their father??? How would their future look??? Or would they end up in foster care ???? I work with foster care too. I see children in foster care who had a parent kill themselves.....it's so sad. I want to save them but I can't. So I work with moms who are depressed, do drugs, have ptsd and I listen, I understand, I hug. I give them reasons to keep fighting-for them and their children . (Even though I am dying inside) I am thinking of you immensely because I have been where you are today and I am there now. But I beg you keep fighting-if I could hug you I would, but most of all I would listen.

 

[trying2movefwd]

I ended up in the hospital, but I am back now. Thanks.

 

[ladee]

Happy you are back home. I truly hope things are better for you, in my prayers. I know your pain.:hug:

 

[Rachel]

I am feeling like I would be better off dead. :( But my kids would not. How do I live when a big...

:( I am sorry u n me are in the same boat my dear friend IM feel selfish to with my kids I just went threw it da other day we only have one life to be happy n your right but our kids are everything n we have to be there I can't talk much cause I'm going threw it now as well

 

[crashmoon]

Remember that your children love you so much. You are loved, you are cherished. Please find some support, whether it be friends or family. Don't let these thoughts burden you and pull you under. Sending you hugs :hug:

 

[ReceiverOfWisdom]

I see why some turn to substances though i never have.

I was just thinking that the other day. weed, booze. I don't want to become like my dad.