Sufferer Feeling Weak.

[Chuck2]

I was diagnosed with PTSD about seven years ago but I wasn't able to spend much time in therapy. I also have bipolar disorder so it makes it hard to tease apart symptoms of each. I was re-diagnosed with PTSD a week ago and it has reminded of how this has made me afraid of pretty much everything and everybody.

I'm up late because I'm having trouble sleeping tonight. I don't have many flashbacks from the events which led up to this as much as I have flashbacks about other things people have said or done to me. I'm having trouble with paranoia, sex, and motivation, among other things. I had to reduce my Facebook friends list to family and just a few friends because I just can't understand the motivation behind many comments so my mind jumps to paranoia. I can't stand up for myself. I have trouble setting boundaries. I am also very irritable.

I have a good heart and always try to do my best if I can muster the strength.

 

[somedaygirl]

Chuck2, I'm new here. Thank you for sharing that. I know it's hard. Most of what you wrote is precisely what I'm feeling, and it's a weird but painful relief to know I'm not alone. Do you have trouble sleeping most nights?

 

[Chuck2]

I mainly have trouble getting to sleep. Waking in the middle of the night is unusual for me. Thanks for responding. That helped.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I think you're both brave to put yourselves out there. Sharing publicly (even online) isn't easy. I find it hard to write about some of my feelings simply because they're ugly and shameful words. I'm proud of you @Chuck2 . So welcome to the forum!

Yes, I have trouble sleeping at night. I use melatonine to help me fall asleep and depending on the level of anxiety, sometimes gravol helps too. I fear falling asleep because of the nightmares. My anxiety tends to be strongest in my stomach. My diagnosis is strictly PTSD. It's been 4 and a half years now. I can't identify with being made to feel ashamed or singled out at work since I haven't worked in quite a while. I do all my work from home.

I can relate to downsizing my world as well. I have a close support group of 2. My therapist being one of them.

May I ask if you're seeing a therapist at the moment? Do you have some coping tools for your anxiety? I find and have found journalling my emotions, flashbacks, even issues of the day to be a good outlet. I can write exactly how I feel and know that it's private unless I choose to show it to anyone.

I think irritability and frustration partly comes with the territory but also with your particular environment.

I really can't imagine how difficult this must be for you.

 

[somedaygirl]

I mainly have trouble getting to sleep. Waking in the middle of the night is unusual for me. Thanks for...

It's hard. Sometimes falling asleep can be brutal because during the day we've got so much to distract us from our fear and broken-ness. When we're trying to fall asleep we're just left alone with our thoughts and it's brutal.

 

[Chuck2]

@somedaygirl, that is very true for me. It's when I am my most vulnerable and my mind goes to those places. My doctor has me on Trazodone to help sleep and I can usually get to sleep in about an hour.

@stp2012 , I am between therapists right now because I moved recently and they are trying to work me into MHMR locally. I have a brief knowledge of OTC herbs such as Valerian which I take for anxiety. I take a couple of others such as L-Theanine and Kava Kava to switch them out but I do not take anything that is illegal in Texas. I also don't drink more than a couple of times a month so I can keep my mood in check.

 

[Gadgie]

I'm up late because I'm having trouble sleeping tonight. I don't have many flashbacks from the events..

I think we everyone on here has trouble sleeping at nights, I know I do. Most of my sleep time is from around 05.00 to 10.00, and even that is just short naps joined together?

I do try and sleep normal, and have tried going to bed earlier, but there's no point, as I just lay there, awake.

If I do go into a good sleep, I tend to get nightmares, so I can't win, but there is always hope, maybe one day.......

 

[somedaygirl]

@somedaygirl, that is very true for me. It's when I am my most vulnerable and my mind...

@Chuck2 Exactly. That's when I'm at my most vulnerable too and I have such a hard time pulling my mind out of those places. Most times I can't and I'm just left feeling helpless and alone

 

[Mountain Girl]

Reading helps me tremendously with getting to sleep. The only downfall is, my mind has become accustomed to "shutdown mode" when I start reading at any point throughout the day. That in itself is good and bad....good if you want to calm yourself during a stressful day, but bad if you need to read for work. Lol.

Of course, pick "neutral" reading material, not something that is going to ramp you up more. Sherlock Holmes puts me down in less than 10 minutes. Fantastic.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

@somedaygirl, that is very true for me. It's when I am my most vulnerable and my mind...

It is a rough road. No getting around that.

I find surprises come up that re-activate the memories which in turn causes responses quite regularly. Life still has to be lived. Recently I was very frustrated to experience several flashbacks when I thought that phase was supposed to be over. It was very discouraging. Nightmares became much more intense as well as being very suceptible to so many stressors.

I find nights to be the hardest. Maybe because I don't control my subconcious... I don't know. It's just very hard.

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

 

[Kolten]

I hear you and am with u on this. I'm sorry u are suffering. The good news is there are ways to help minimize some of ur symptoms if ur willing to try something new. Your mind is a powerful thing. It will run off with u in the most catastrophic ways as u know I'm sure. It will also store positive info and help u rely on that too with practice. Its hard and does take practice and diligence. It will help with the irritability too. I'm not saying it's a miracle cure but it helps me maybe itd help u too. Look up positive quotes online. Look up fighting harder quotes online. Find ur favorites and write them down. Writing them validates the feelings and belief system. Also Look up positive affirmations online and pick some words that fit u and write sentences that best fit u and it breeds positive thoughts into ur brain. Maybe try this every morning to center urself in a good headspace. I know this may sound like the last thing u wanna do but try and are what happens. Good luck and ur supported!