M. Winchester
New Here
Hello. My name is Miyuki, and I am glad to finally have found this place. Well. I shall start at the very beginning.
I was born in West Virginia to an Irish/Russian woman and a South Korean man. Both of my parents fought alcoholism, and my uncle was a victim of a gunshot, left paralyzed from the waist down. My mom and grandmother took turns caring for me and him, as my father went to prison for a drug charge. Sometime during this, one of my mom's boyfriends molested me and was caught doing it... but nothing happened to him.
When I was 6 years old, my father committed suicide. He had Aspergers Syndrome, PTSD, and Schizophrenia on top of an addiction to cocaine, opioids, and alcohol. His suicide was during the after, downward effects of coming down from the high of cocaine.
About a year later, my mother met a man. This man... I did not like him from the beginning. I was about 8 when he began beating my mother. Sometimes with me and my younger brother in the same room, sometimes he would even rape her. He would place me on a bed and tell me he would kill my mother if I made a sound, or even moved. Sometimes he would trust me, and drag me into the room and tell me I was the only reason he wasn't going to kill my mother. I would hear him banging her head against the wall, those concrete walls... He was drunk, high every time he abused her. And would apologize the next day, promise it would never happen again. He once beat her over a Journey DVD... to this day I cannot listen to Journey without being pushed into severe flashbacks of the abuse. He only put his hands on me twice, once breaking my wrist, the other smacking my buttocks to urge me into the back room... when he did that my little brother and I snuck out, I held his hands as we ran down the street. We climbs on our hands and feet up the neighbor's hill and they called 911... but he was gone and my mother was arrested for some reason. Cops always treat victims like the enemy... like liars.
This all happened off and on. Eventually my little brother and I were placed in a foster home, where the foster dad was verbally and mentally abusive to me. I was 11 at the time, and we were put in another home after I told my counselor that the male was watching me... a lot. The second home kept us in a basement, we could not talk to our mom for more than 15 minutes a day, and we had to eat when and what they said. No music... no nothing.
My mother got us back, but within a year she was back with this man... and I began to practice witchcraft, it was a coping mechanism that I cannot explain. I was in a relationship with a 19 year old boy at this age and no one put a stop to it... we broke up a year later, thankfully.
I met another boy at age 13 who ended up molesting me, and sure enough I got pregnant... I was malnourished from my eating disorder, I was at my grandma's... and snowed in, I suffered a miscarriage in the bathroom all by myself. My older brother had two kids, and was addicted to drugs as well, and I was raising his 2 year old and his 6 month old. Poor old grandma couldn't help out much... I'll never forget bleeding heavily while trying to get the kiddos to sleep, my little brother crying for our mom...
I was 'gothic,' in school and was bullied relentlessly. At age 14 my mom gave temporary custody to a few family friends, named Rick and Debi. Debi... wanted me to be the perfect little daughter but I was depressed over my past, and being away from my mom. They were a great family, but hard on me, and did nothing about the bullying... but I love them, no matter how much they tried to change me.
At age 15 my mother got out of rehab and we moved to the countryside in Virginia, and for almost 5 years she has been clean and we have both been in treatment for mental illness, and I am working on getting my GED. On March 20th, however, after weeks of deep, mutilating self harm I attempted suicide in my bathroom. I was taken to the hospital and voluntarily went to the local psychiatric hospital.... I have seizures and syncope. Well, I had went 36 hours without my Seroquel and sleep, and I fainted on the floor. No one helped me up and they treated me like a faker. After this, they finally believed I was supposed to be on Seroquel and 3 hours later I was given it, the night terrors stopped and I was able to sleep. I went to the necessary meetings and painted on a smile to get out of there and back home, to my nurse (I have a nurse because of the seizures and night terrors) and my sweet mother, and we take care of each other...
I started RPing again (roleplaying) and a few members of the Supernatural fandom destroyed me mentally for not supporting homosexual ships in that show (I AM NOT A HOMOPHOBE. I JUST HATE THOSE SHIPS) and I selfharmed as they called me a ho, a whore, a psycho, and stalked me throughout the RP sites, the only place I could call home... but that? That is easily over, because I know what a block button is, but it does not make it any less distressing.
I got a protective order against my aunt a few weeks ago for encouraging me to attempt suicide again. in court she dragged me through the dirt, her attorney tried to discredit me for my mental state... but I won my protective order. HOWEVER... she has appealed it. And I am in for court again.
I am healing well from the faint in the psych ward, but I have severe nightmares of being there, nightmares of my mom being raped and murdered, and of being in court.
Today, I live for a bright future in the Glory of the Lord, learning more on my violin, getting my GED, and preparing to overcome my illnesses... but the court date, knowing I'll be alone and dragged through the mud again is disturbing me and now I am finally reaching out to a forum group.
That is my story.
I was born in West Virginia to an Irish/Russian woman and a South Korean man. Both of my parents fought alcoholism, and my uncle was a victim of a gunshot, left paralyzed from the waist down. My mom and grandmother took turns caring for me and him, as my father went to prison for a drug charge. Sometime during this, one of my mom's boyfriends molested me and was caught doing it... but nothing happened to him.
When I was 6 years old, my father committed suicide. He had Aspergers Syndrome, PTSD, and Schizophrenia on top of an addiction to cocaine, opioids, and alcohol. His suicide was during the after, downward effects of coming down from the high of cocaine.
About a year later, my mother met a man. This man... I did not like him from the beginning. I was about 8 when he began beating my mother. Sometimes with me and my younger brother in the same room, sometimes he would even rape her. He would place me on a bed and tell me he would kill my mother if I made a sound, or even moved. Sometimes he would trust me, and drag me into the room and tell me I was the only reason he wasn't going to kill my mother. I would hear him banging her head against the wall, those concrete walls... He was drunk, high every time he abused her. And would apologize the next day, promise it would never happen again. He once beat her over a Journey DVD... to this day I cannot listen to Journey without being pushed into severe flashbacks of the abuse. He only put his hands on me twice, once breaking my wrist, the other smacking my buttocks to urge me into the back room... when he did that my little brother and I snuck out, I held his hands as we ran down the street. We climbs on our hands and feet up the neighbor's hill and they called 911... but he was gone and my mother was arrested for some reason. Cops always treat victims like the enemy... like liars.
This all happened off and on. Eventually my little brother and I were placed in a foster home, where the foster dad was verbally and mentally abusive to me. I was 11 at the time, and we were put in another home after I told my counselor that the male was watching me... a lot. The second home kept us in a basement, we could not talk to our mom for more than 15 minutes a day, and we had to eat when and what they said. No music... no nothing.
My mother got us back, but within a year she was back with this man... and I began to practice witchcraft, it was a coping mechanism that I cannot explain. I was in a relationship with a 19 year old boy at this age and no one put a stop to it... we broke up a year later, thankfully.
I met another boy at age 13 who ended up molesting me, and sure enough I got pregnant... I was malnourished from my eating disorder, I was at my grandma's... and snowed in, I suffered a miscarriage in the bathroom all by myself. My older brother had two kids, and was addicted to drugs as well, and I was raising his 2 year old and his 6 month old. Poor old grandma couldn't help out much... I'll never forget bleeding heavily while trying to get the kiddos to sleep, my little brother crying for our mom...
I was 'gothic,' in school and was bullied relentlessly. At age 14 my mom gave temporary custody to a few family friends, named Rick and Debi. Debi... wanted me to be the perfect little daughter but I was depressed over my past, and being away from my mom. They were a great family, but hard on me, and did nothing about the bullying... but I love them, no matter how much they tried to change me.
At age 15 my mother got out of rehab and we moved to the countryside in Virginia, and for almost 5 years she has been clean and we have both been in treatment for mental illness, and I am working on getting my GED. On March 20th, however, after weeks of deep, mutilating self harm I attempted suicide in my bathroom. I was taken to the hospital and voluntarily went to the local psychiatric hospital.... I have seizures and syncope. Well, I had went 36 hours without my Seroquel and sleep, and I fainted on the floor. No one helped me up and they treated me like a faker. After this, they finally believed I was supposed to be on Seroquel and 3 hours later I was given it, the night terrors stopped and I was able to sleep. I went to the necessary meetings and painted on a smile to get out of there and back home, to my nurse (I have a nurse because of the seizures and night terrors) and my sweet mother, and we take care of each other...
I started RPing again (roleplaying) and a few members of the Supernatural fandom destroyed me mentally for not supporting homosexual ships in that show (I AM NOT A HOMOPHOBE. I JUST HATE THOSE SHIPS) and I selfharmed as they called me a ho, a whore, a psycho, and stalked me throughout the RP sites, the only place I could call home... but that? That is easily over, because I know what a block button is, but it does not make it any less distressing.
I got a protective order against my aunt a few weeks ago for encouraging me to attempt suicide again. in court she dragged me through the dirt, her attorney tried to discredit me for my mental state... but I won my protective order. HOWEVER... she has appealed it. And I am in for court again.
I am healing well from the faint in the psych ward, but I have severe nightmares of being there, nightmares of my mom being raped and murdered, and of being in court.
Today, I live for a bright future in the Glory of the Lord, learning more on my violin, getting my GED, and preparing to overcome my illnesses... but the court date, knowing I'll be alone and dragged through the mud again is disturbing me and now I am finally reaching out to a forum group.
That is my story.
