Finally, A Name

[fin]

Hey struggling, I want to say congratulations too, I have had some similar experiences and I know how strong the drink can hold us. You are breaking free from it, hell YOU HAVE BROKEN FREEfrom it ...and thats soo good to know. Well done

 

[strugglingdad]

Thank you. I believe I'll conquer the drinking. Having a real rough time with the rest though. My therapist recommended I see a psychiatrist. Had an app. today with my doctor for a checkup on the dosage of effoxor I take. He upped that and gave me a referral to a shrink. Takes 6-8 weeks to get an appointment for a screening to see if she'll even treat me. I'll keep seeing my therapist in the meantime. Only see him once a week. Wish it was every day! Seems the longer I'm sober the more stuff surfaces. Can remember most every bad thing that ever happened but not what I did this morning. Today is my daughter's seventh birthday. Taking her to supper. Will put on a happy face but it is extremely hard to do. I try to hide it from her but she is smart and catches on to stuff. I SO DON"T want my kids to have anything but happy days!!

 

[her_indoors43]

oh wow happy 7th birthday to your youngone.....yeah i fully undertsand wanting happy days for your kids...im the same....i want them happy and full of confidence and taking in so much of life....


man sounds like you so need a computer at home big time......chatrooms are great for that midnite chat when all your friends are asleep.......and you just need to hold any conversation to keep you sane......your life will change so much for the better when you do geta computer at home and the internet.....gosh its my lifeline..my sanity...take your unspent beer money to the computer shop and layby one....or pick up cheap second hand one.......tell the universe you need a computer at home dad.....it will send one to you....
(
..and by the way.......next time you put a spoonful of beans to your mouth...tell yourself...i will not be allowed in the closet today if i eat these.........hehehehe....take care today dad......

 

[strugglingdad]

No beans today. :) Well, we went to supper. Was a nervous wreck but it went ok. Daughter was so happy! Waitresses came over and sang her a song and gave her a sundae. Was kind of messing me up. Don't remember a single birthday from when I was growing up. Maybe that's good? Was able to tell my wife a couple things I've held for 20 years last night. Didn't sleep much. She took it ok but it's hard. More and more bubbles up......

 

[fin]

Can't keep living like this though..

I understand this so very well. I think we all do, and you dont have to...you CAN LEARN TO MANAGE PTSD and you can do this, you can try for it. And that is what we do here, we , well me- I keep trying, on days when I am not sure, I go back and start again if I have to...just know there is something you can do...you can learn and begin to manage. And I hope that something I have written here will help you to know you are not alone in trying, and I understand what it is like to be a parent with PTSD...I am one also...although mine has grown up now and is flying away some...its all good. I am sure your family are behind you and they will know you also...they will see another side to you than we do here -I am sure.


Hey there struggling dad, you are not alone in any of what you are feeling and you do not have to be a vet to get PTSD please know that I have it also so...I know a little about what I am saying.

It is difficult I understand the drink thing I really do, many of us here do. Try not to loose your cool ok, try to learn as much as you can here this forum, thi splace has helped me so much with everything I am working on, my walls are a lot less clear now, Ihave better boundaries but my walls are blrring and maybe coming down at last. You can have a life, oyu have a wonderful family and I am sure that you will find a way through all this, it is not wasy, but then nothing really worth having is easy. Just know oyu are not alone and try to read everything here that you can...it will help you, it has helped me doing everything I have done here so far-and this is my therapy, I am doing it here, each and every aspect I put out here...is a part of some point of who I am and how I am managing. Please try to do the same thing yourself and try to be as honest as you can be...I think it will help you in the long run.

Again nobody cna make you though, you have ot want to do this, I hope that you can and do, I am sure that your wife and children will be behind you and support you, they want you to be happy, they want you to manage better I am sure of that, and if you need to work things out, then this is the place that may help you do just that.

Take care strugglingdad and please know you do not have to do this alone. You can find lots of help here from many people, a lot will I am sure be abel to relate to you their experiences, their life and maybe you will get a better snapshot of how things are for many of us here. And it might help you to feel like you are really less alone than you might think


Peace and warm wishes to you and yours

~fin

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

From one newbie to another - I completely get what you are saying. Wow - the closet - now there's a thought - I'm currently trying to talk myself into turning my spare bedroom into "my space" - to go when I'm overwhelmed, need time to journal etc. or just can't deal with others. I have an 18 yr old son and a 21 yr old daughter that live at home - and so there is always someone else in the house too (boy/girlfriends, friends etc.) plus my husband. So get - why you were in the basement - last night.

 

[strugglingdad]

Fin, i don't know what to say. Thank you doesn't seem to cover it. I cannot express what it means to me to log on here and recieve this undeserved support. I WILL beat the drinking. I know I will. PTSD? I dunno. Doing the very best I can. I believe this site will be a major weapon in my fight. I do know I have survived my hell. I have my children and my wife. Sometimes I have myself... Again, thank you thank you thankyou..

Sunny brook, I very much love having my own place. It's just an old dirt floor basement under my house with a woodstove and a folding chair. There is a spring that comes in one corner and trickles down over the granite. I sit down there alot. Especially during the winter when I'm tending the stove. When I was drinking I would sit there in the evening and pound them down. Now I take coffee. I just sit. I often talk to the walls and the house. So far they haven't said much back. It's nice though.
My kids come down alot and play in the mud with their toys. I enjoy that.
Good luck making you're own spot. I think you'll find it helpful.