Relationship Finally Heard From Him And Its Scaring Me

[Glara]

I finally heard from him after almost 2 months. I know this is usually a very bad time of year for him, but he sounds worse this time. He said he's thinking of checking himself into a hospital and that he hasn't even been showering. I told him that if he's thinking like that then he probably should. Should I call a hotline and send someone there? He has guns. He didn't mention them at this point but he has in the past? Is this his way of asking for help?

 

[Deadman]

If he didn't express a desire to harm himself or others don't send anyone. Encourage him to go to the hospital or seek other help. Make him promise to take action and call you back after he does.

 

[Glara]

Take action? He's in therapy. I'm I asking him to check himself in somewhere or do something else?

 

[Justmehere]

You can always call a hotline and ask them for advice on how to handle it. You don't have to give his name or location to get advice from them on if it's time to send someone to check on him or not, but just ask them for their input and also suggestions on how to manage how much you are scared for him. They are trained in when to send help and when not to send help.

It's also reasonable to ask him to check into the hospital and contact you when he does, but if he's low enough, he may or may not do this and you could continue to spin out with your own anxiety for him while waiting to see if he responds or checks himself in.

Hotlines are not just for sufferers, but for supporters to get advice too about how to handle a mental health situation that is worrying someone. It might be really reassuring for you to talk to them.

 

[Deadman]

Take action?

You said he was thinking of checking himself in to a hospital. If he has alternative help options that could work too.

 

[Buttercup]

Yes, encourage him to check himself into a hospital. He sounds like thats what he needs at this point. Keep us posted!

 

[Esterio]

I hope he is checking himself in as we speak. It sounds as if he knows he needs help. I would continue to coach him into care at the hospital. I wish you all the strength you need to get you and your suffer through this.
Peace be safe

 

[Glara]

@Esterio i hope so too. He asked when I'd be in town, which I will be next month. He said he feels better because I'll be there, but he did say he'd see me if he's not in the hospital. I told him I'm flattered that he feels better because of me, but its not enough and he should still check in if he needs to. I told him I promise to come back after he gets out if he is in while I'm in town. So I'm worried that he won't got through with it. I will keep emphasizing that he should check in and I'll come back.

 

[Justmehere]

I'm glad he's feeling better and the good thing is that he's making future plans. The difficult thing is that it really puts a lot on you, even if he doesn't mean it.

I'd keep encouraging outpatient treatment as well and that he lets an outpatient team know how much he is struggling.

General hospitals (not trauma specialized units) are generally good at keeping people alive, and can help someone become a little more stabilized through a rough patch, but they are not good at long term recovery support like he needs on a regular basis.

Keep encouraging him to connect with a mental health professional of some kind about how bad he is doing. That might help him find a balance between seeing you and getting help.

 

[Glara]

Thank you @Justmehere. He is in therapy. His therapist helped him get into an appropriate hospital in the past but he didn't stay the full length. I just want to make sure he doesn't check out early or put off going because I'll be I town. So I promised I'll come back if he goes in now.

Last night he asked me to send a pic, I said I would in the morning, he answered "good night". I sent one in the morning but he didn't respond. I know he's just in a really bad place. Tomorrow I'll text him an Easter message and try to gently suggest he checks for treatment. I'll let him know I'll be waiting when he gets out. I think he does realize he needs to go, in spite of me being in town.

 

[Esterio]

@Esterio i hope so too. He asked when I'd be in town, which I will be next month. He s...

It is all you can do for him is to reassure him that you are here and not going anywhere and try to encourage him into care. I think you need to remember not to push too hard as that may just agitate him. I wish you and him all the strength it is going to take to get through this ruff patch. Lots of couples survive this. I think it is very difficult so don't forget to take good care of yourself so you remain healthy. I hope you find the answers you need.
Peace be safe

 

[Glara]

Thanks @Esterio. It is hard to encourage without pushing, even harder when he stops responding. But I've known him a lifetime and I think that helps. I think that gives a sense of trust maybe.