E
Emms
I've never went to a forum, therapist, or anything. I'm simply have relied on my pure thoughts of "this is only temporary. Just survive" for two years. My day to day support group doesn't understand this torture. The dreams don't stop. The flashbacks. The constant pain of why did this happen to me.
I was 19 when I met him. Over two years I would come to be beaten nearly daily by a military grunt much larger than me. I've been beat and convinced it's my fault. I'd be threatened nonstop, I could never leave his side. He's put guns to both of our heads, and has shot at me countless times while pregnant. Slammed on my stomach while pregnant, beaten during birth, literally held hostage and tortured. Post having my daughter when I left, that's when it all hit. I'd have my newborn in my arms just sobbing uncontrollably. She would cry for something and I knew what she needed I just couldn't comprehend how to function through the flashbacks.
No one believes me due to the severity. He then went on to legally kidnapping my child and EVERYONE keeps turning their heads. I relocated from Florida to Colorado just to not see reminders of that life.
I physically cannot continue to do this. Two years of nightmares. A year of not holding my daughter due to him. I've buried the thoughts in whiskey for a year and I'm newly sober. I can't even go through work without absolutely losing it. I can't afford therapy to the degree that I need it.
If you've actually read this, thank you. I just need to explain this to a group of people who also struggle with this hell of a disease. I don't know how I'm going to go the rest of my life playing these scenes.
Some days feel so hopeless. I've been fighting this for so long and it just keeps coming back. I'm 22 years old and I can't connect to anyone. The "you'll never understand what I've gone through so you can't be trusted" shit is ridiculous that I put on people.
If there's any sources or support groups you can recommend, id be greatly appreciative. I need to beat this or it'll beat me. I need to be fighting this demon even on the sunny days and not just the dark ones. The thoughts NEVER stop. I just need them to stop.
I was 19 when I met him. Over two years I would come to be beaten nearly daily by a military grunt much larger than me. I've been beat and convinced it's my fault. I'd be threatened nonstop, I could never leave his side. He's put guns to both of our heads, and has shot at me countless times while pregnant. Slammed on my stomach while pregnant, beaten during birth, literally held hostage and tortured. Post having my daughter when I left, that's when it all hit. I'd have my newborn in my arms just sobbing uncontrollably. She would cry for something and I knew what she needed I just couldn't comprehend how to function through the flashbacks.
No one believes me due to the severity. He then went on to legally kidnapping my child and EVERYONE keeps turning their heads. I relocated from Florida to Colorado just to not see reminders of that life.
I physically cannot continue to do this. Two years of nightmares. A year of not holding my daughter due to him. I've buried the thoughts in whiskey for a year and I'm newly sober. I can't even go through work without absolutely losing it. I can't afford therapy to the degree that I need it.
If you've actually read this, thank you. I just need to explain this to a group of people who also struggle with this hell of a disease. I don't know how I'm going to go the rest of my life playing these scenes.
Some days feel so hopeless. I've been fighting this for so long and it just keeps coming back. I'm 22 years old and I can't connect to anyone. The "you'll never understand what I've gone through so you can't be trusted" shit is ridiculous that I put on people.
If there's any sources or support groups you can recommend, id be greatly appreciative. I need to beat this or it'll beat me. I need to be fighting this demon even on the sunny days and not just the dark ones. The thoughts NEVER stop. I just need them to stop.
